With a smile on her face
And such light in her eyes
You’d never think of
How much she cries every night

‘til her mouth runs dry
‘til her eyes turn red
Her strength is something
Something that overwhelms

don't tell me that I'm beautiful
until you've seen the marks
etched in my skin,
and the ones on the inside,
on my heart,
that I hide.

don't tell me that I'm strong,
until you've seen me break down,
fall apart,
time and time again,
and cry until the tears no longer come.

don't tell me that I'm a wonderful person,
when I shut you out completely,
and push you away,
because I promised myself,
that you are just like the rest,
and you'll get tired of me, too.

don't tell me that I'm lovely,
until you've seen what nights are like,
and the terror that sometimes possess me.
seen me sob and tremble and question, "why me?"
until I run out of air
and collapse.

don't tell me that I'll get through this,
that this is only temporary,
until you've seen the inner torment,
inside of my mind,
and the demons that refuse,
to be silent.

but if you have seen that other part of me,
the scars, pain, insecurities and bitterness
that I hide,
the voices that whisper during the day,
and scream during the night,
the darkness lurking behind my smile,
and you still stay by my side,
and think i'm truly beautiful,
then maybe.. just maybe.. I believe you.

Submerged in darkness, a shimmering shred of light reaches
Gasping for air, yet I am still breathing
Struggling, yet I am still moving
Drowning – Yet I am still alive
In fear, but not frightened

So confused, so unclear
Even in my dying breath I yet again find myself thinking
Again and again…
Obsessed I think I am, but how can I not be?

After inhaling every breath,
After our childish scuffles,
I am still trapped down this lonely abyss
Away from the land – Away from you
I’m still drowning

Only now in solitude do I find that I’m least alone,
Spending every second walking back through memories,
Memories that are already fading
Do I still love you? I don’t even know

The first 5 days was agony,
In the 2nd week all I could do was think of you,
It was 1 month and I was still…
The 2nd month came and I thought I was better,
The 3rd month I was scared because I was forgetting you –
Where had all those sweet memories gone?
The 5th month…
That shred of light never reached me…
*I drowned.

the flames engulf me
and scorch my skin.
my pain subsides
along with one deadly sin.
the fire kisses my every inch
and i only feel a slight pinch.
i hold my tremors; i am not that weak;;
out of my pores, my life starts to leak.