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James Hyde Aug 2014
The silhouette that stands before my eyes, he looks back at me.
Those weeping eyes full of hidden turmoil and anger,
All the tears that drip inks of jealousy – of angst – desire and foolishness
Look on, I say. But the look in his eyes so strong, it flooded my words.
I walks limp-footed-ly on, but looks back every step he takes,
It isn’t whom he walks with that he cares, but the shadow of the man that walks behind the girl beside him that drenches him to tears.

The sunset ahead of them blinds me; they walk on with their lives,
Holding each tight, vines of trust that hold their hearts together.
But it’s his utter foolishness that drives him in angst – apart from her
Why are you jealous? I ask him, there’s nothing to be jealous of.

She said once to him, that the shadow of the man behind here is all in his imagination. He was the childish memory of youth, the forgotten face in her future and the knives that stab you of jealousy.
Look ahead of you! *******! There’s a sky of stars out there…
You let that tiny pebble in your way and away you go.
Look on – look on
She is the one that loves you now, trust her, love her, watch as you light up as the sunset points at you.
You can look behind you but there won’t be anyone.
What Bothers Me Most
3rd of August, 2014
#what bothers me most
James Hyde May 2014
Submerged in darkness, a shimmering shred of light reaches
Gasping for air, yet I am still breathing
Struggling, yet I am still moving
Drowning – Yet I am still alive
In fear, but not frightened

So confused, so unclear
Even in my dying breath I yet again find myself thinking
Again and again…
Obsessed I think I am, but how can I not be?

After inhaling every breath,
After our childish scuffles,
I am still trapped down this lonely abyss
Away from the land – Away from you
I’m still drowning

Only now in solitude do I find that I’m least alone,
Spending every second walking back through memories,
Memories that are already fading
Do I still love you? I don’t even know

The first 5 days was agony,
In the 2nd week all I could do was think of you,
It was 1 month and I was still…
The 2nd month came and I thought I was better,
The 3rd month I was scared because I was forgetting you –
Where had all those sweet memories gone?
The 5th month…
That shred of light never reached me…
*I drowned.
8th of May, 2014
James Hyde May 2014
It begins when you first see it, telling yourself it’s just fun
It begins when you first touch it, and tell yourself it ‘I can quit anytime’
And that’s where it all begins

I can remember my first memories of it,
Memories of the first time seeing it,
How I got so nervous – not knowing what my body was doing
Memories of the first time I touched it,
How I didn’t know if it was the right thing to do
Memories of the first time I inhaled it,
It took my breath away

I knew it was the only substance for me,
The feeling I get when I walk pass it, it would bump into me
And I’d tell myself that this is all just fun, so don’t take it seriously
But how can it just be fun, when it’s the few things that get me excited…
I want more - I need more of it

Drowned by the feeling,
The feeling I get when I’m alone with it,
My stomach cries in anxiousness
Grinding away with my sweaty and shaking body, crushing it -
Just wanting more, as I’m about to finish,
Left me dazed and puffing

When I’m done with it, when it’s gentle and vulnerable,
Laying by my bed carelessly,
I move my face close to it, even now my heart pounds,
Closer and closer to it, with her hair messed up, but how it’s just perfect like when I’d first seen it,
She is laying there in her most vulnerable form, her chest moving up and down as she gently breathes, with whimpering moans in between
I kissed her.

Hi my name is _ and I’ve been addicted to _ for a month now and I don’t plan on quitting anytime soon.
16th of May, 2014

— The End —