I could ask you to stay, but really theres nothing left to say.

I gave my all to this and like a rose, you felt only the softness while I bled through holding the thorns.

You made me feel like nobody would ever want me and I started not wanting me.

You also made me the happiest that could be possible by just smiling at me or the way you say that stupid "hi" when I'm mad at you.

All I ever wanted was a text back and maybe some faithfulness. That was too much to ask though, it seems.

Usually physical stuff means nothing but with you every touch felt so pure and wonderful. Your body felt like a puzzle piece that fit perfectly against mine.

Yet i know being a secret is not what I deserve and you know that is very wrong of you to do. Its like taking a rose from the garden and putting it in your diary so only you can enjoy it. But darling, that rose dies. Its beauty still stays the same, but the freshness and the life is ****** out of it.

That is exactly how I feel. I feel as if I'm in a self made cage that I have the key to myself. But the key is inside my heart and I have to rip it open to save myself. I guess that is what I'm doing right here.
Ripping my heart open and saving myself.

I cared a lot for you. But either I stay and end up killing myself because of you or leaving and being heart broken but have hope.

You have already killed a lot of me on the inside... so saving myself is the only option it seems.

Sometimes you just need to let go.
Let go of those who hurt you.
Let go of those who no longer love you.
Let go of those that did you wrong.
Close your eyes.
Remember every moment that made you weak.
Remember every single person who hurt you.
Engrave it in your brain.
Then let go.
Let them go like sand sliding through your fingers.
Let it all go.
Begin again.

Oh how frightening it is
the way  you cold heartedly lie
to my face.
to their face.
Oh how it boggles my mind
how you try to save face
and spit lies about me oh so freely.
Honey, you can lie to them
but how will you lie to yourself
honey, I'm called easy,
but what about your complicated mind.
Psychopath.
Thats the word that comes to mind
when i think of you.
Crazy.
Is how you describe me to feel okay with you
Lies. Lies. Lies
Oh how frightening it is,
the way  you cold heartedly
lie to yourself.

To save me from myself.

I asked for an angel.
Someone to save me, someone to bring my my smile back.
I met you one hour before I turned 20.
Signs.
You took away my tears. The sound of my laughter filled the halls.
Signs.
People saw that happiness was showered upon me.
Lucky?
We talked about how ******* up we are.
About the pain that was given to us.
About the broken trust. The broken hearts.
The tears we shed. We were both broken.
Signs.
Maybe that's why it's so hard for us to be together
We're both too broken to fix each other
Signs.
These are signs that we've been looking for our entire lives.
We are soul mates
Even if we don't end up together
These are signs that we are supposed to fix each other
Kiss the pain away
Signs

It seems slowly i'm learning who I am.
I am starting to love me.
Gave all my pieces
to all those who betrayed me
those who broke me.. again.. and again
those who loved to see me cry
I laid on the ground
so empty
so numb.
I had nothing left to give.
I had two options
Give up or build once again.
Oh how promising death seemed.
Peaceful.
Yet building myself is what I chose
Yet again.
I had to fight, and fight and fight
for me.
You gave up on me, yet I still believed in me
And here I am...
Built.

sometimes I lay awake
Sitting in a dark room.
Like time travel,
my mind slips to the past.
The pain, the happiness
but mostly the misery.
Loneliness is the most tragic feeling.
The craving of having those back who once hurt you so dearly.
Dangerous, is that thought.
To call that person and ask,
do you want me too?
But you don't.
Because you know the answer.
The misery eats you alive,
never being able to be alone with your thoughts
What a funny concept.
You try to escape your past, but at night you lay awake reliving it in your mind.
It is the only form of sanity that you have left.
Living in the past.

Heartache seemed like a reoccurring trend within her life.
it was simple to see that happiness was not her best quality. Something very troubling it seemed. Memories from the past never seemed to escape from her. It even haunted her dreams. Past monsters seemed like angels from the heavens. Their words so blissful, their touch so pure. The pain was indescribable. The restlessness seemed unbearable. She wanted to disappear but wanted to be missed at the same time. Those who truly loved her could see she was a tragedy. Those who didn't love her thought she was just crazy. Why she cared so much, not even she knows. Hate was not in her blood. Being left was her worst fear, yet a reoccurring action in her life. It seemed like new characters, however a rerun. The same lines they spit out, or shall I say lies. The same vulnerability she showed. As they walked away so heartlessly, taking away a piece of her a bit more each time. You'd think she'd learn by now, but she seemed to always go beg back. They called it begging, she called it bringing her sanity back. Nobody understood her, not even herself. Nobody wanted her, not even herself. Nobody loved her, not even herself.

When you start to love the memories and not the current moment,
you realize you loved who the person was and not who they are now.
If they loved you once, they can love you again... right?
Right...?

The pain feels so real sometimes.
As if your memories have the power to rip my heart right open.
I can still hear you voice in my head, it makes my heart pound.
I wonder how you are, I wonder where you are.
Do you think of me ever?
The world carries on without you, but nothing is the same.
I wonder if you have forgotten me.
I lay awake at night wondering why you won't leave my mind.
It's been years. Yet I remember you every night
I shed tears for you every night.
Do you still remember me?
The pain feels so real sometimes.
The pain feels so real sometimes.

And some days,
I feel like I still have a chance to survive
and breathe again.

The world tries to touch me,
as if I am all of theirs.
The world has seen my face.
Yet nobody knows the that tragedy I am.
Broken.
All parts of me.
In your love, I am lost.

What you learn is not to depend on anyone.
Everyone lets you down.
Gets what they want, and leaves.
Thats what I have learned

Never good enough
empty inside
I want to touch you
I want to feel you
again.
But all of those are just memories
Memories I try so hard to forget
Memories I fear I'll forget
Never good enough
Never good enough