i held on to what was left
of my unlit joint
and listened to tom petty
remembering to be afraid

what was left was wrinkled
i thought about today,
what i said, how i couldn't
all of that

sometimes he sings casa dega
it would be better to stay silent,
so much better,
but it's like i read
a conduit
too bad

i need to forget to forget
but i can't flinch from it

i remembered to be afraid
soon, soon
they'll believe everything they've heard

what was left was wrinkled
sometimes he sings casa dega

i held on to what was left

my window was so open
they could have just come in
and got me

had i had a heart attack
they were high enough
on their ladder
they were close enough
putting out a fire

it would have been perfect timing
my window was so open
they could have just come in
and got me

my brother introduced me
to tom petty

i came here by mistake
my ten year nightmare
all for no one, all for nothing
last five by mistake
i came here by mistake

i mistook you

king, king nothing
the saddest thing
all the possibility you kept on killing
everything about you
will always be too mean

i mistook you

back in chicago
back then
sleepless in the dark
at least i wasn't back in seattle
back then

i met someone i didn't know
i'de wish i never left unknown
back in chicago

five of them rode in the car,
the boyfriend, the girlfriend
the friend of the boyfriend,
the friend of the girlfriend
and the friend of the girlfriend's friend

the car pulled over to the side of road
in front of the high school's school yard
across the street from an apartment complex

the friend of the girlfriend's friend got out of the car,
crossed the street
and knocked on the door of one of the apartments
she might have rang the doorbell,

either way, the door was answered
by the sixth person,
gay, teenage, and racist
wore a lot of make-up and had referred to the girlfriend
as little brown girl everytime he had talked to the girlfriend's friend
on the phone, at school, after school
"little brown girl"
he kept on calling her that
said he could never be friends with "little brown girl"

"too brown"
he said

if he didn't already have his make-up on
when he answered the door
then he was putting it on
while the girlfriend waited in the car
with the boyfriend, the boyfriend's friend
and the girlfriend's friend

when the boyfriend, the girlfriend,
and the boyfriend's friend got out of the car
and hid behind the bushes on the sides of the highschool
the friend of the girlfriend's friend walked him out
to the front of the highschool
and the boyfriend, girlfriend, and boyfriend's friend
all ran out from behind the bushes

he certainly had all his make-up on then,

the friend of the girlfriend's friend ran
and the girlfriend's friend waited in the car
lying down in the backseat

there were some screams as she put her fingers to her ears
screams she happily forgot about later

i made a fool of myself today
because tom petty died before he did not die
after he died but before he didn't die

i completely gave up at work
my plans to get my **** together
fell through the minute i overheard tom petty had died

i walked home needing to get ******
and delay my plans of cleaning up my act

and now here i am
******, paranoid, and frightened
i didnt realize, i didn't realize
how much i've thrown away
or how much i had to throw away

i just kept right on chasing the ****
then i landed some place bad
and tom petty just died again

i don't remember the title of the last one i read
just when i read it i was living it
and it was a really bad trade

for the better life i could have had

dark lights never shut up
for a purpose they don't serve
everything for the wrong one

the cost of living costs
the cost of living lives

in my own time
there is no more time

two swollen feet
two bad knees can not go far
bad news on bad knees
put more space in the wrong place

karen dalton died of aids
in a trailer
i live

by doing as close to nothing as possible
then looking around for someone to blame

there's a few names written on the wall
who do i think of first
what am i afraid of most
looking around the ***** room

there's a drink called sweet burgundy
and then another drink called hennesy,
a ****** fine congac

as she sat down
with a glass of hennessy
waiting to die
and typed out her last livejournal entry

where she counted out the pills for us
and told us the names and colors of all three

names and colors i can't remember now