But do not let this
Rub you the wrong way
I love you
But I'm not in love with you.
I mean, surely
I could be in love with you
          *But I'm too inexperienced to tell a difference between the two

Heart thumping
Face on the desk
We're talking about suicide
And I know what comes next

She tells us not to look
We have to close our eyes
She says it's an anonymous survey
And I wonder if I should lie

Raising our hands is a yes
And everything inside me
Screams no while I
Try to calm my bouncing knee

I raise a tentative hand
When she asks if we've considered suicide
That tentative hand raise is the largest step I've taken
And part of me feels peace deep down inside

Here's the thing about panic attacks:
At first, they slowly peel back the edges of old wounds...
Then rip them off like a bandaid.
They leave you bleeding from the heart.
They leave you questioning every single thing you've done.
By the end, you're left cowering in your bed sheets, silently seeking  solace from yourself.

I want to show you
All my writings
I want you to see
All my poetry
And point out to you
How many you were the inspiration behind
How many hold your face behind the words
How many cherish your laughter through their lines
And how many wouldn't be there without you

But I'm afraid
I'm terribly, terribly frightened
You won't understand
Or you won't care
That it wouldn't make any difference
You would hear my words
It'd go right over your head
Or you'd say
"Really, that's interesting."
And go back to your video game

*I just wish I could show you my world through my words.

The end of your rope
Became a noose round my neck
I'll be with you soon