This is a hangover
From old days gone by
Old thoughts grown older
Gnarled & tangled
Essence of confusion
Tired and tried
Why can't I sleep?
I deserve to sleep
Earlier I fell into a dream
That was unpleasant
Now on antihistamines
I feel the pull of undiscovered rest
Again at my door
There are lessons in dreams
There are images I fail to recognize
I feel sad & sick & hungry for the world to open up
Hungry for myself to open up
I am trying
I am tired
I am beaten down w/ too many
Images
Thoughts
Sounds that hold no bearing
I am standing in the kitchen alone
Standing at absolute zero
Nowhere
Gone
My proteins come apart
My collective memory urges
Some insistence
Which cannot be known
It is a curse--******* it
God bless it
I love it
Earlier I didn't want to
Have ***
Or talk
Or think
Or know
Or see
Or walk
Or Be
Now I am
Wondering what I
Always want
Rats of the same breed
Learn the same tricks
Quicker
There is evidence for this
Hypothesis
For fixed laws
Constants of nature
These are used
To convince us
of what?
Fundamentals?
Why is there
an interest
in anything above
or below
what is possible of meat?
Old libraries
Hold volumes
Of thoughts
Thrown away
When new replacements
Drop onto the heads
Of failure-minds
Decimal points
Line the walls of thought
With tiny values
Of whatever you want
Whatever sense you make of it
There is no science of this
No way to explain
These years
These images
This nose
Could the speed of light explain it?
If so, what are the implications?
Is it constant?
Is it known?
What is known?
What has slowed and what has grown and what is hiding in the shadowed distance
In the minds of intellectual freak-boys
How can you be sure of present values?
Can there be such things?
In existence?
Can you SOLVE it?
Can you change?
Define a thing
Now you are insane
Now you are an instant thought
Unbound
Volume pleases
Now unbound
Now just pointing
At a clown
Changing
Changing
Changing
Changing
Changing

the right words
are not a painting
or a picture
though you can hear
what the silence of a picture cannot say
still my breath is not enough
leaving is what was real
and loving you
are what only actions can do
while words
only remind of a lost man who could not stay

The ether’d suggested,
          “Say something.”
                    I didn’t.

The photos bombarded,
          “Say something.”
                    And I didn’t once more.

His widow plead, cried,
          “Say something”
                    I couldn’t.

One daughter begged,
          “Remember?
                    And I couldn’t once more.

But I bought a cake,
           “Daddy?”
                    Lit the candles,
                              “Daddy?”
                 ­                       And he didn’t;
                                                  And he wouldn’t
                                       Answer,
Because I never did.

he steps out slowly,
squeezing my arm as he goes.
i stand staring into my own eyes,
in the reflection of the glass door as it closes slowly.
warm cheeks,
big grin,
heart pounding,
and happy.