step one: mark out your
territory, bordered by
sea surf on the one side and
beach towels on the other;
dig a moat to the left and right so
no one can intrude upon your
Fortress of Solitude.
step two: build a sandcastle.
ignore the imminent
tides and the omnipresent
ravages of gravity; they are
irrelevant to your
Dream of Isolation.
step three: come to realize
that you are not
happy despite
getting exactly what you wanted:
welcome to the real
world kiddo. I hope you
found what you're
Looking For.

53

Taken from men—this morning—
Carried by men today—
Met by the Gods with banners—
Who marshalled her away—

One little maid—from playmates—
One little mind from school—
There must be guests in Eden—
All the rooms are full—

Far—as the East from Even—
Dim—as the border star—
Courtiers quaint, in Kingdoms
Our departed are.

it's not that i didn't tell you to stay
it's that my face had been flattened
to a degree unrecognizable, unable to express emotion
eroded by too many acid raindrop-tears
and too many vicarious hits
of that ........ you covet more
than the newborn child ... years away in my stomach
we will not see light
you cannot make it fill the cavity between your selfish molars
and my cavernous ribcage
you can slash the curtains all you want, but the sun don't like you no more
and i barely love you
(even though it cannot dissipate more than it has)
and you won't admire me as a stolen sabertooth
all the crest whitening strips you fed to me
to protect me from the plaque building up
in my voice box
in my lexicon
are in the trash now, honey
i don't give a **** how yellow i'm getting
and if you really loved me
you'd not care either

but you have this need to place all theoretical constructs
on a ******* pedestal above you
like heaven
and happiness
and love
like they are unreachable for you because
you have short arms
and short legs
short ambition
short breath
and so you keep pushing various cleaning utensils toward me
brushes
mops
loufas
and i eat them
i swallow the bleach and plastic and mesh whole
like i've swallowed your feigned empathy
your lack of morality

and i'll regurgitate them for our (never to be) child
when .... is born
and i'll say "here, ............, look...look at all your father left you"
and i'll eat the placenta
and i'll purge it
and maybe by then
i'll have learned how to teach
our never to be had child
how to leave an addict

I deserve someone
who loves me
back. You
you said that you
"wish you could". I want more than
wishes.
I want poetry and embraces and car rides.
I want ice cream and nose touches and sleepy smiles.
I thought you were something
that you
are not.
I fell in love with the way you
made me laugh, smiled, and how you looked when you
slept.
I think I fell in love with who
I wished
you were.
Because, my love, I don't
recognize you
anymore.

When the sun sets,
And the moon rises.
And with that, the security of the day goes away.
Most of the nights are fine.
But on some fear overtakes the body. 
The only movement is shivering.
Depression hits like a train.
Headaches seem like that train hit the head.
Loneliness causes the darkness to whisper.
It whispers terrible terrible words..
Words start in the brain, they keep going. They don't stop. They don't.
They keep going until there are tears and then they keep going.
The night starts to eat the body and soul alive.
All hope is lost.
The night will last forever,
Or so it seems.
There are two ways out.
One isn't a good one.
The other isn't good until the future.
Everyone knows the first way. It's obvious. It's the "easy" way. A pill(s), a gun, a razor, etc.
But there's a better way. It's much much harder and may lead to more of these nights, 
but it will also lead to road trips and good quotes and love and laughter and music and little coffee shops and all that is good in life. 
That way is to just deal with it.
Breathe. Let the words come. 
Let them say their terrible things.
Be as strong as you can,
It's hard but worth it.
Hold on.
The future is bright and the night isn't as long as it seems.