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 Aug 2016 john p green
ryn
I don't know how to love
without wanting more.

I don't know how to swim
when there is no shore.

I don't know if there's an after
when the present is sculpted from before.

I won't know love
if love is nothing but lore.
 Aug 2016 john p green
ryn
Just me and him...
Having a conversation in the quiet of night.
Just me and him...
Baring honesty with no restrictions, no fright.

I tell him,
"Why must it always rain on me?"
I confide in him,
"Why do I feel what others don't see?"

Momentary silence...

And then he says,
"It doesn't always rain...
Sometimes you are sheltered.
You feel too much.
Over things that shouldn't have mattered."


Pause...

I am a child, fighting my case.
"If I don't, who then will choose to care?
Who then will toil for days to come?
I'm exhausted now...
And it's not fair."


He chides me in an instant.
"It was your choice to take on this role.
It was a decision made freely.
If you're looking a direction in which to point,
point to a mirror and you'll see the reason why it's taking a toll."


I gasp in faux disbelief
for I know it is true.
I've known all along
that it's me, not you.

I hesitate...
And then I reply...

*"Oh shut up!"
Away, away
'til our souls embark on twilight's dreaming
to dance with the cunning dark.
Here I wait among the dead
within the shadows, seldom seen
with mind as silent as the grave
a nightmare tucked within a dream.

Though my soul be scarred and flayed
by secrets deep and wounded thighs
There sits a withered hope within
to be the girl from days gone by.
Really struggling with depression at the moment, which leaves me unable to write much at all.
There are many demons in the darkness and just one glint of light.
....
Your soft strokes of brush
As if touches my dreamy springtime
Peaks love from the old trash
Where the endless fairy of rhyme
As I read this poem
So many times
It doesn't mean that
I have forgotten repeatedly
Just I have felt in too many ways
Yet a few lines of poem
Grows a new meaning of love
And emitting the dreaming rays
Even when I am passing through
The very pale days
...
..
without dream life is a frozen barren field
....
Sometimes I wish
This pant dries slower
Around this canvas
That curses my name,
Every drag of smoke
That reaches into my subconscious
Meets my hand
To pen
To ink
To this blank idea,
I guess this is all i got
I curse the lords name
Throwing the pen
Against this yellow wallpaper,

Depression is only called
To the ones who can see
The writing on the walls,
Left in blood red,
Words that make me a victim
Of labeling what it means
To be a victim.

This pen sounds like my mother,
White powder filled with innocent memories
Stick to the keys
She could always conduct
The simplest symphonies
The sting to her words
Wrap the vacuum cord around my neck.
Terrorist apart of the self doubt group called my insecurities
Swing at me like a pinata,
Crucified to my old drafts
Of this blank canvas,

I scream enough I say,
My words cast a light
Through the pen
Shattering this oddly warmer room
I pick up the pen
And write on this canvas
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