I walk across land now sea
to seek what was always mine
just a secret that's for only me
before I cross the line
I look past the clouds and sky
to seek what was always mine
just a secret that won't soon die
before I cross the line
I run over rock and stone
to seek what was always mine
just a secret interred in bone
before I cross the line
I jump, I walk, I even fly
just to catch what was always mine
and when I finally reached the line
across from land and sea
I realized that the secret
was just not meant for me.

Many times, we question our decision.
Ponder it.
Go over it.
While comprehending the truth.
When we hear and the fool was from friend, family or associates.

Like our mind advising us didn't ring with truth.
Like, for example seeing your fuel hand close to empty but figuring we can make the distance just to run out of gas.

Then regretting it.
Again, we know that the fool was you.
We see this with love.
When others states you should leave.
You stay and again get hurt.

Our eyes, are our windows to our minds.
They see and adjust sights accordingly for us.
Whether disaster or rather the subject of love.

Like staring at our reflection in the mirror.
We constantly aware of what affecting us.
Whether our friends or lover or those personally kin to us.

Our eyes, our minds, our heart.
Keeps on deceiving us.

It was in that one second between her falling down and getting up that she made the decision to never let herself get that low again.

Bruises vivid in her pale skin.
Blood actively pouring from her nose every other day.
Anxiety and fear running through her veins around every turn.

Fairytales never show you what happens after the honeymoon phase.
They don't show you what happens when the prince lets go of his cool composure and just wants to beat the **** out of you.

He didn't need alcohol.
He didn't need drugs.
He liked the adrenaline he likes the feeling of prey and predator.

In between that one second of falling down and getting back up she made the best decision of her life.

To switch the roles of predator & prey.

It hits out of nowhere, with no warning.
A year since my last mental breakdown,
Thinking I was done with suicidal ideation,
And it hits me with the force of a torpedo.
I never know where it was lying dormant
Or what triggered the volcanic eruption
That burns away all progress made.
I just know that it hurts, and the ash lays heavy on me.
I lie down and I don't let myself get up.

My whole body trembles
at human contact
like an addict
that is on withdrawl
so many years
without touch
leaves me searching for hands
and embraces
that will calm
my feverish heart
and the day after
my heart is still
excruciatingly beating
trying to jump out of my chest
and walk amongst the world
to leap into someone's arms
because that moment was not enough
and I need more
that moment was not enough
I'm an addict of love
and now I know the highs and lows
of withdrawl