I'd like to say I don't think of you
That you don't cross my mind until your name crosses my screen
And only then do I take the time to care

I'd like to say that I don't
That I haven't devoted any energy to wasting
That it is all too precious to give away to anything but positivity

I'd like to say I would need to think twice if you asked to see me
But I know too well that I wouldn't
I'd say yes
okay
of course
when
All without asking why

I don't know why some people come back and trust me when I say I want to
But I would without question welcome you with open arms and no hesitation
I wouldn't even pause to wonder why you left in the first place

I'd like to say that I'm happy,
That this heart is a filled balloon and there is enough oxygen for me to breathe easy
But sometimes I find myself suffocating on what I don't understand

I am scared that I could so easily let you back in the way I always swear I'll never do again
But I have and I do and I probably will
All you need to do is ask
And I'd say yes,
okay,
of course,
when?

I colored you into an image so bright that I could see you even with eyes closed. I painted you loud enough for the noise to keep me up at night. I made you into something you were not; a masterpiece.

I interpreted your language incorrectly
I thought your beautiful meant stay
I've learned that words can have a million different meanings and
I will never know them all.

I'm here.
And all I do is staring
at the past that
kills me slowly.
And all I can do is to bear it
because you're not here
to save me
from myself...

As selfish as I felt it was,
in the beginning I couldn't understand,
how much he had changed in the time
I knew him and that I didn't want
our time together to end.

Two years later and I'm here,
and I'm able to rethink about the past.
The recollection isn't as hazy
and the memories are less painful
when I can see the picture being painted
in a whole new light.

He let me go because he was unable
to give me the things I needed.
For that, he was doing me a favor,
letting me go so I could find someone
to love me the way I needed to be.

Sometimes I look back on those memories
and they feel more painful than right now.
But at least I can appreciate that
over time, I was able to see he was more
sorry than I once believed him to be.