a conversation that will never occur,
a message that no one will ever send,
a date nobody will ever plan,

*for something that will never happen

destroy to create
crash and make it better
some beauty comes from ashes and ruins
don't be afraid
you're no ordinary
you're a masterpiece
forge from fire

good and bad, bitter and sweet, you and me.
life is a series of good and bad days
world is a combination of nice and jerks
and so as love have bitter and sweet
hot and cold, like coffee,
or maybe just like you and me
your thing isn’t part of my interest,
and so as you to mine.
I do this, and you don’t.
you do this, and I don’t.
you’re sweet and showy and I’m not.
I love to argue almost about everything.
but you just keep your mouth shut.
you’re a follower, I’m a great scofflaw.
you do your games, and I don’t even get it,
all those I-do-not know-what-to-call consoles.
I love to run through pages.
pens, paper, craft and my charms,
they make really happy,
yet they just mean nothing to you.

but one thing for sure,
we have something in common.
I love you, and so do you.
but not really, I guess
since I love you,
more than you do.

Teach me how to love.**
it seems like my heart got frozen,
unable to recall how to.
it’s been ages
since I last loved someone.
someone who failed me;
someone who just let me down.

      Teach me how to believe again
forever, dreams and wishes.
I know I used to believe in such.
until someone came
and slap me with bitter reality.
what a chaotic world we live in.
seems like happiness
only exist in movies,
books and fairy tales.

      Teach me how to be sweet.
I know I always appear cold and heartless.
it’s not that I’m happy hurting others
through the way I treat them.
it’s not my intention, it never was.
but I can’t help it,
I don’t want to show that I care,
I don’t want to exert much effort.
I feel like it’s just a waste of time.

      Teach me how to live.
everyday I woke up
not knowing why do I still do.
I exist, I am surviving daily,
but I’m not living.
I feel so lifeless.
a walking and breathing corpse.
why am I still alive?
to whom do I breathe for?

teach me how to trust,
how to care, how to comfort
teach me how to be me.
I never thought someone could destroy me this much,
without even me noticing it.
I wonder if I could afford letting love in again,
if I could let someone enter my life again.
I’m wrapped with too much fear.
too afraid that history might repeat itself
— or maybe even worse.

someone to count on,
a hand to rely on,
a shoulder to cry on,
sometimes it’s not just one person.
not having a lover,
doesn’t mean you also don’t have these.
not having a lover,
doesn’t mean you are alone.
you have your friends, your family.
sometimes you’re to dumb
not having any heart to appreciate.
sometimes it’s not the world’s fault,
sometimes it’s all in your head.
an illusion — just an illusion.
don’t let a mad thought control you.
free yourself from yourself.
it’s not really a mad world.

sometimes I don’t care,
because sometimes I must stop caring,
but I didn’t really stop,
just took a little break,
for them to realize that I used to care,
and never been appreciated.
that’s the thing about human,
they only know what’s happening
when it’s already done,
when everything is already gone.
stupid isn’t it? that’s us.

I succeed to things I never did
and failed to those I spent my whole night with
it’s like I’m doing things which I’m not suppose to do
and too lazy to do those I should be doing to
well, I’m not really that dumb and lazy
it’s just that future scares the hell out of me
what if the life I was planning for me
isn’t the life He wanted for me?
what if every decision I make
is just like a water that fills out a lake?
a lake which I am so happy filling down
that ends up to be the lake
where I am suppose to drown.