Following God some days feels like a cruel joke.
I get my head above some water...
then lose my place and begin to choke.
What is it I'm not doing?
Have I not done enough?
Or is it my heart He is pursuing,
merely a calling of my bluff.
This thought goes on to throw me,
aren't I worth more than being tested to prove
I'm tough?
Or is it because I am worth He is testing,
because I'm already enough.
It is in my heart I raise each question.
Struggling to know...
Is my God really for me?
Or like everyone else...
will He go?

I was a very dramatic writer,
once upon a time...
I believed in so many things
as hard truth,
yet they were mere lies.
Melancholy can catch me,
if I dwell on this old life for too much time.
But I rather set my mind on things above,
remembering He has me in mind.

I have been scared to love again.
With only a month left on my sentence.
But I am starting to fear not the challenge of relationships.
knowing I am far from finished.
There's a beauty up ahead,
and I am in it to win it.

I do not need the world,
At all.
The winds and the waves crash,
and the calamity ensues...
and I sometimes
don't even know.
people fall in love,
receive fame, fortune,
accolades and more.
Yet, there's always something missing.
Something still not there,
that wasn't there before.
....
I remember that feeling.
The craving, insatiable emptiness
That can only be filled one way.
And you're always pushing the line further
and there's nothing you won't do for just a day.
.....
It isn't that way anymore.
I have a new sense of dissatisfaction.
My heart can only be mended one Way.
In only one fashion.
Whenever I am not at peace,
I look to the sky
and the Lord reaches back out
to me.