My one and only big brother Ryan. We used to be so close, no matter how many times you had hurt me emotionally and physically , I've always known you loved me.

Its killing me inside the 4 hour distance between us, all our Saturday mall walks just to get ice cream,the times we swam and i used to splash you with water, to the time where we fought over crazy stupid stuff and stayed mad at eachother for days but you cracked first and always said sorry to our deep face to face conversations, to the times where you called me crazy as hell.

You've become so busy whenever i see you its only for awhile and then you gone again. I never knew i miss you so much in my life time. I have never had this much pain when my tears feel like blades cutting me in half.

But even though we miles and hours
away and i have no car nor money i would walk if i have to just to feel your arms around me and that warm smile you give everytime you with me.

Oh my dear brother Ryan how i miss you so much. but soon this pain will be over cause i know you'll be around,  i know now you miss me too.

thank you for being the best brother a girl could ever ask for.

I'm so happy-
I've masturbated until I can't feel
and that's okay.
My hair is brittle;
the water's iron and so are you-
your love's a mess.
God is angry
because he doesn't have to exist
to be real.

Hipsters ruined liking Wes Anderson-
Bill Hicks was brilliant
and everyone is an intellectual.
Your ideas aren't yours-
your words are mine
and mine are yours.
Writing to be antidepressed,
because singing is for the shore,
for your shore.

Let's pick each other's psychology,
like we're removing clothes
or missing ads,
and get lost in each other's darkness,
because, "I love you,
I suppose.
I suppose."

I have finally seen the light.
I have gone out of darkness.
I have the one I love back again, and this time im never letting him go.
I never knew we would turn out like this,but im glad we did, because without you my life would be a dark blackhole.
I never wanna make the same mistake again, by being careless and loosing you.
You the best thing that ever happened to me.
When my days are spent in a dark room crying you lift me up and let me see the light of life and for that my sweet James I'm so grateful to have you in my life.

There are pleas
that disguise themselves
in trees
that whisper in the dark-
Like a crinkle in a kiss,
or the words that you'll miss;
too late for meds,
too late for sleep
this time.

We ride on the beaches
with cool kids and leeches.
We **** blow off the ground
because there are times you feel,
and some you fake
when everyone is around.
The bodies in red
that you leave in your head.

The trees tesellate
into nooses and goodbyes.
And I swear this isn't the first time
that you've loved me
like it's the last time;
when I've been something to lose.
The love you have
is the love you refuse.

Your cries are milk-
I wish your cancer was mine.
To be a mistake.
To be left behind.

My thoughts about you are like police sirens underwater-
loud but blurred

I guess what I'm trying to say is
Your face doesn't leave my mind
For even a second
The way your hands would trace my spine
Still gives me chills

Even though we are not together
You haven't left
You're the piece of the puzzle I lost
From the once completed puzzle that took me years to complete