Some men look for Jesus, but I'm looking for Cain
I'm vibrating out of my skin and I'm not looking for saving I'm looking to be shaken by the earth
I'm done, don't help me I'm going on a walk
Something is broken and my muscles are done limping, I'm gonna tear it out, throw it to your feet and turn my back to your reflection
Masks, excuses, and old scars have shaken off and if I die that's ok, I'd like a go at being a flower

I'm the spirit that screams, the spirit that shouts, hit me with your bad dreams, I will come at you the way I met you, with empty stares and ***** dishes
You smash my nose in and hear my apology for the blood on your shoes but now I'm too old for apologies and too strong for blood, keep on hitting that face in the mirror see how it distorts for you
I'm sick of your never ending post script, your weightless "I'm sorries" and your empty stares ps ******* and **** me for building hopes so you could watch them tumble down
I hate mirrors to, not for your beloved past but my ugly future

The vibrations of dreaded expectations shake the sleep off before it can even hold me
Your cigarettes have burned holes in me and your bottles have shattered in my eyes, leaving my blind and screaming
but for you I swallow those screams and wipe the blood off my scared face
I will say the red that stains my hands is from digging into my chest and that look on my face is born from the realization that my heart dying and red in front your eyes is better than the sight of singed arms

Don't don't don't don't let it out they will hate you, it's not irrational it's not it's not it's not
You think to ******* fast, bile tumbles out of my mouth and poisons their ears
Shut up shut shut up shut up the shakes and spasms are the earthquakes of memories of a sword with a dull edge and a deadly hilt
They are not sore, and he bloodies himself with a ghost
Wrong ******* wrong, they all hate you, kindness as empty as disappointment

Clouds and worries
Your home is up in the clouds and my back finally broke, we couldn't stand the stress anymore and it's a long way down
I wasn't tall enough to have my head in the clouds and my feet on the ground
It's a long way down but don't worry, I caught the wings you tossed down and I may be to heavy to fly but I can glide
And Don't worry about the ground it may seem dangerous but I'm still strong
And I like the way the mud feels between my toes and how the grass moves my sole
And don't worry about my back, to make something last it needs to be broken at least once

Break my throne and cut my hair, my expression doesn't change
I'm not wincing for you, my hair is thinning anyway

I'm finally beginning to empty, and I feel the pressure lessen like a hose that has drowned your insecurities for too long
I was filled with ideals of grandeur, that I could save you, that my care was the miracle drug, the antibiotic that would save the whole ******* world
But  no drug works forever and I can't fix skyscrapers with my bloodied hands.  But my small, sore hands can clean your windows and sweep your floors
I know that I'm not coward, I can't change everything tomorrow, I can't take away your sorrows and I'm not ******* foolish enough to ask the same
But I'm always here, like a lighthouse  that knows no matter how bright it shines her light everyone won't reach the shore
But all I can do is shine my light

I hope you don't know how much you did for me
I hope you don't know that a laugh and smile made my night
That when your hand found mine after a boot found my head I forgot what put me on the ground
That our dumb little jokes reminded me to not stress
That the look in your eye reminded me to slow down the pace of my mind
That when we shared a smile after being pushed together like my unsteady ocean against your sturdy bluff I felt the sea calm

I was taught to stop avalanches and raised to swallow tidal waves
But my hands are black as pitch with frostbite and my lungs are filled with water
But I shake off the cold and throw up the water
There is the avalanche in the shape of a coffin and there is a tsunami of raging expectations
And for ***** sake I’m gonna try

Look how tall I have grown aren't you proud
Your boy may be loud but he still cries with the tv
I shouldn't have to dance around the words of my home, the sentences here are daggers, I've learned to parry but I'm tired of defense, I'm tried of hours long car rides to the park and dark nights spent in strange beds