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 Dec 2014 Jackie B
oh no
this time of year I can see my veins in the mirror
I am buckling. from the bottom of my boiling –empty- gut
I swear to god I’m trying
there’s an army in my mouth -a plague-
someday I swear, my love, my shallow lungs will fall here, dead
there’s an army in my bones and it is crushing
-holding me, like I will reach the end of time
like there is nothing left, my love-

I am a disgrace. from here on out we are at war
-adversum me, my love-
this time of night I feel my body on this earth -giving out
giving out-

from the bottom of my heart -my love-
I swear to god I’m trying
this time of year I shove dirt down my screaming throat
-there is nothing left in me-
in the dead of night the weight of me falls heavy on this floor
with the dead of earth I waver -there is nothing left,
my love-

from here on out we cut our loss
*–and pray I won’t know where I am
when I wake up-
i have to start going to bed earlier
 Dec 2014 Jackie B
oh no
when you said you were going to rip me a new one I never figured this
was what you meant
- we were monsters –
you and me, we are lost and gone, and so on
let the sun burn out my eyes. I won’t blink. and you’ll be proud
- you ruined me, I swear to god -
I don’t wish for sleep anymore.
you said our veils were ripped to shreds so say it again in the morning
we bet it all, and so on. we are animals I swear
without you I’m ground and buried,
ground and roots – I swear to god –
on your basement floor I raked the dirt my nails
are wrecked and ******. I’m a mess – bare faces, god, impure –
I am open, spent, and so on.
beneath us earth is catatonic heavens tear apart
next time the sky breaks on our eyes
I’ll watch. and you’ll listen.
- we will feel the earth, I swear to god –
we’re blind, set up, and so on
we are raging through the night. next time
the sky falls blazing on our hands we’ll follow it
- my god, my god –
I’ve been waiting for you to gut me I’ve been waiting, cracked, and so on
when our heads fall ******* the earth tonight we’ll raise it one and pray.
and until then this bleeding warfare will overtake my atrophy
- I swear to god –
these rockets underneath my skin will shatter me
keep telling me the weight of us will tear this earth asunder. I’ll keep telling you
you changed me
- rip me apart, my god, my god –
and they say someday spiders will weave through my empty bones
but from the bottom of our hearts, my love,
we’re teeth and blood and claws
stomachs open to the sky, bodies stripped, and so on
- we’re not all saints, my god, all sinners –
we are not all heroes but we are all
bitter
- finish it, my god, my god –
let the earth tear us asunder. all dirt and skin and so on
when the light burns low in the sky tonight don’t follow me
*- I swear to god we’re gutted on the stars –
COUP DE FOUDRE

— The End —