To have list Her
And not fight
They, those, these
Words in my inner workings
words effectively warring
Resisting in silent protest
Festering, my needs plunder
As lines form into grey matter
That, these, they Me, myself, my mind
Until it fell to the numbers
Of versus and rewrites flanking
Blanket bombing me heartlessly
As such one is broken, pieces
Painfully calling for a medic
Where?medic! A that my place
As I've lost my heart anyway
I, me, my reasons unnoticed
white flag of defeat ineffective
too soaked in the greys and blues
The opaque army colors of Loss
Who, whom, Her!  and... Words fallen
My gaze falls in behind their descent
Of fire and black boiling javelins
Plummet,  stretch to drive
These, they, those memories
of bayonet like effectiveness run through.
This, the, my,
Last heart as my mind
With no desire, need, drive
And the war to find how best to write
For,of, about, Her...
Slips beyond the fabric of my time here
To hide bits and pieces,
I will like to be reminded one day
Not however today, no
Today I surrender to the waves
And force of emotions such loss causes.
Under boots of goodbye
And destroyers staffing lines
Echoing why why why
I wasn't good enough.  ...

You, in this world
of lesser interests
muted colors,
polluted bases
Of gray, safe neutral shades
Then there comes You...
Change, dramatic and effective
This, your pallet
bright and vivid
Now beautiful, fragrant
to eyes, mine
I devote time in wonder
To You, and your ways
Your world, shared
Both from as well as for You
But for me,
As I see You

You are

The stirring in my breast

An aching need

My first and only wish

A place of perfect bliss

Every waking moment

Dread from which comes faith

My muse in times of reflection

Always out of reach

Fuel feeding the fire before it's quenched

The beating of my heart at it's last

An impression to mould a dream upon

The unobtainable desire

All I waste my writing upon

The dungeon in which I am trapped

Never seeing my worth

A friend and nothing else

I am

Too weak to accept this.

crooked steps
just a seconds glimpse behind
perfect trail before me, each step a gift
Then in the distance I  caught sight
of something
I saw you kiss the lips of the sinking Sun
locked embrace
and O' how completely I struggled
that entire night
and O' how the next and the next
and then the  next I tasted
betrayal O' how vivid I
I relived the scene in visions,
questioning my eyes,
wondering your motives
I focused, I tried more and more
O' I dug deep, i closed the miles,,
then much closer I witnessed
then, you whispering to the sky
then you reached up your hands
upon the full moon's face
Pulling her down from heaven,
 to your promises as you smiled
to deny us, O' I obsessed
You....
Kissing the sun, Promising the moon,
As I watched O' I glared
O' as did I wilt
I withdraw to obscurity
Beneath cover of your growing shadow

a silouhette to follow
making chase of the impossible
I can't give up
all i do is follow,
and look , and press on ,
just to get close enough
To tell you
You are still my sun,
Though you have another
and you are my setting moon,
my unobtainable,...
and my reasoning for every step,
every mile...  
Now besought by the breadth
The severity of those betrayals
I hope you knew,
i followed and still do
coming to apprehend
my little tease,
my treasure, my liar
I give chase,
to how completely
how very far I would go
just to prove once and for all
I love you.
I shall, one day...
If and when the stars let me
they decide...
Even they see plainly my envy
As I have no mask
One motive,
Several unknown labels.
I contrast the brilliant
Silk strewn beauty once mine
Falling once, am I choosing
Leg by foot, by will and love
Outshine the sun and by this
Luna will turn it's attention
Perhaps this test of time
Practiced, lonesome patience
May one day return the gaze
Embrace in arms my desire
The only one I want and follow
My world.

I am so very, very tired
So long have I been at this
I see it is My turn, so tired
Long past due I let it go
This weight that my heart hordes
So much so that it knows no other's
You should know, I own the burden
Though it is imbued by You
My heart is unbending in its loyalty
Knows no technicality or view
Only You, that so very, very long ago
Woke in my breast the love
In turn became a world
My heart can't see Me destroy
And every day, so many nights,
So very many times I have known
Dreams from which my heart speaks
Each it calls out for You, you alone
Dreams are not weightless
As foolishly I once believed,
One, a few, even hundreds,
Difficult to notice when added
As life, living, the toll those carry
For so long, so very, very many nights
And I am tired, I confess at the threat of collapsing, and through the taxing of time
Being alone, incapable of loving
No other, I have tried and they knew
The weight my heart holds for you
Long past due I confess I still Love You
Unlike You, my heart never sought new
Never wanted any but You
Causing haunted dreams,
and shall I think forever
This is my hearts letter,  
my attempt to move on,
But never over... You.

Tilting my view saw through you.
Though your ability to deceive,
Took more than a few degrees.
Passing that threshold threw me
I won't lie to protect or grow the ego
Inside, where next to it lays fragile strings
Sore and worn and one note more
Strummed, to break if not your song cease
Those beautiful compositions you play
Telling sweet, self-serving manipulations
Crafted and performed perfect, to a silent audience, caught up in and controlled
Each and every heart and this one
That owned the stage from
which they held you in spotlights
As such talent as you have honed
To masquerade as respect, devotion
Now clearly seen as scripted and rehearsed
Lies and disrespect, complete bulkshit
Boo you and so begins that fall from grace