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Jack R Fehlmann Jul 2020
I lose count
The quantity of times
Occasions lied to
Or as proof forgotten
Can't right now
One go to favorite
Busy, busy, busy, you are
Why use "will" when
Tomorrow is here,
Passes again and again
Perhaps "maybe"
A tad less dishonest
"No" "not" even "ever"
If together are no question
Truthful, borderline respectful
And we both know
What is not done, not said
Leaves closure open
To discussion.
Jack R Fehlmann Jul 2020
As though.  Unknown
In this moment of nothing
I am creator, making real this
All I touch and hear or feel
Come into being when my
Eyes open to find
My place is
Alone
I.

But for You.
Jack R Fehlmann Jul 2020
Witness within
without control
watching The systematic
sabotage of something
good being broken
It was my voice, but
all too strongly
laced with malice
My words sent
by my device and typed
out by hands
like mine
Hurtful
accusations that
I knew
could not be true
Blame and
shame
and petty thinking
were tools
that ruined
I fought, but I couldn't
make my mind stop
racing
Only break
a little more inside
knowing
the consequences
She would hate me,
put up walls and take
away new roads
Rightly so,
I know how unstable
my cursed and
That hated self Looks
to those that
stand close when it
gets out
more than once
lost
had to go alone
following
Each time
I've been passanger
witness within Again
and again
and I know,
that our connection
it broke
Is gone
for no good,
I hate him
I hate that
I am
him
to the world outside
of my skin
Jack R Fehlmann Jul 2020
Toxicity in emotions
Bourne ******* feelings
Results of low self love
Minus a narcissist love
Hinge pinned reason for
Everything worth living
Incubation by loss
Losing egos pretty match
Sauteed in pride too great
Heeps of wasted time
Soaked in poetry lines
Line after line of go away
Bowl after bowl of get going
Pile on four more
To ten grinding years
If all this leaves only
Me.  Regrets. Holding Nothing.
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
The apex is

Really an end.

The higher

More important

The more time

One takes to know it.


Where am I in this?
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
And how do you...
Know me
Share the unfair
Pull invisible strings
Stir what froze solid
Question the reason
Cause upheaval
Invite pain
Bleed this soul
Use words
To know
Making me
Wish for more
To know myself
Jack R Fehlmann Jun 2020
Before I acknowledge
This vessel, these surroundings
From within, this vantage
Resting comfortably
upon a pillow
I take measure, this life
So pours forth my gratitude
In concert the steady cadence
This heart, filled in love
Joy and those dearest
As I simply breathe
And appreciate
Another day ahead of me.
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