Jack R Fehlmann

Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013

Forbidden pulls at me
Demanding fealty,
I hurt, I am in pain.
Full of wishful thoughts,
the empty chest feeling.
I feel at risk,
Holding on to not letting go.
Always, the end is always the same...
Look at what's changed,..
The castle falls apart.
Everyone fades away
What if I gave up?...
As those gave up on me.
Dusting myself off as I get up,...
Wandering off to unknowns,
far from this place.
Deep and away,.. below.
Safely out of place when I fell upon myself...
I found my eyes had sunk in,...
an aura starts to blaze,...
a grey shade of those that mourn.
My rotten wants displayed,
running out from a hole...
What if I gave up?
As they gave up on me?...
I hurt, I hate, I go so far away.
Empty, I waste,...
I will fade as everyone fades
and the castle crumbles.
What if I gave up?...
Even though I am aware,...
of the rules to follow.
For you I will break,...
Everyone, one day fades.
What if I go before you do?

Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013

Broken Clocks Face

it wasn't the fickle
and it might have been
the laughable
but much too cold
unfeeling by any
worthy of notice
Or warming
the lemon yellow Sun
Blocked out feeling
and pale of ignorance
I found a broken clock
Its face twice right
Always the same
the gear workings mixed up
corroded and unwound
springs loose and crazy
like my thoughts,
the aged wood scratched, dented
Not much to look at
and I thought to use it,
at least for a while,

Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013

As I Do

Oh, to view our world,
the way I do,
Through my eyes,
dulled and darkened
to the grey and shadowed
and you hide yourself away,
draw tight the blinds and shades
to the pitch black room,
the place of detached distraction
and you become a shade of shadow
a shadow of yourself
as the day, another precious day
fades to the west
and night pours on once more,
the world outside doesn't miss
doesn't attempt to find you
self imposed prison of depression
inside looking out,
view my world, the way I do.

Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013

Locked Away

Lost outside,
the inner most feelings,
Of the heart,
As is it's nature,
I want what it wants,
Unable to forget,
What once was, now not,
Lost outside,
her hearts warmth.
The life I leave on the other side,
a door, shut, locked tight...
the hardest part,
of hiding,.. always hiding.
My self,.. my sin,.. my sickness,..
and it is, mine.
This is addiction,..
keeps secrets, steals away,..
the love and all joy.
Neatly swept away,..
All things worthy,
Every good thing,...
Keeps from me,..
outside,.. away,.. always.
I,.. stay,.. stay
wanting, what's on both sides
though one is all that finds me
the fullness of my attentions.
Safely,.. Rightly,..Denied Me.
Locked Away..

Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013

Viewed From The Horizon Line

A different view,
here, from the horizon line
Far off, out of touch,
Unseen by uncaring eyes
No longer searching
My eyes too tired to try
This vantage leaves wanting,
But only for the brilliance
bright, colors like spring time
the deep, unique, green
I begin to realize ruined me
cause they went, as she left
stealing the beautiful,
that was a blanket over everything
now I find only the drab, and boring
the muted, grey, plain
unwashed world, fading like memories
around me, or am I projecting
the way it feels throughout
is this unremarkable world mine?
A different view,

here, from the horizon line.

Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013

Always Like This

Lovely woman needs assistance
Shot up a flare
in a moment of duress
It's always like this,
it's always like this...

A man and his defences
Sees the light in the night
he changes direction
approaches, unknowing,
Its always like this...
Its always like this.

The man, his good intentions,
they ain't ready
but hoping he can help...
because he finds her
and she is so pretty,
She leads him,
and stings him
the way she teases,
Its always like this...
its always like this.

She can make him wonder,
he wants to read her
and to have her
She won't let him,
he can't touch...
she tempts, and pulls away
Its always like this...
its always like this.

She manipulates
using her smile,
she walks with purpose
and extra hip motion
She flirts and winks
but he's catching on
he's on the outside,
scratching the surface,
Its always like this...

its always like this.

Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013

Smiling at the Thought

Here again,
going through practiced motions
Then the weight,
of her words,
So strained,
I can feel how tired
She,  My Love must be...

How syllables placed,
Upon my weakest walls
so quick to believe
Knowing the danger
behind words
The ease
at which most lie
Unlike this world
I am genuine
But battle worn.
taking measures,
building my walls...  I...

Its best for both,
myself,
the rest,...  If...
I, hold on, to everything
it all goes wrong
So easily, and I am last to heal
So what am I doing here
Smiling
at just the thought of Her

#love #up #hurt #to #healing #learning #open #before #willingagain