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Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
A pleasant feeling, almost like pride
but less, not a lot less,
just enough
that it is what it is
genuine and unexpected
my surprise
here where I've posted
my words?... Those times,...
I longed,.. I hurt,..
I listened to My inner most...
finding my mind in written form
in portions and pieces,
exposed and analyzed
emotions and reasons
written in desperation
the worst of the lows
loneliness behind most my posts
Self medication
through words, rhymes
Untrained and imperfect,
sometimes dr. suess'ish
thought of, drawn out, organized and submitted
to the purpose
of getting to know myself
bit by bit, line by line
in fragments
and avalanches
of brutal honesty
To lie, to oneself
is daily practice
encouraged by what we see,
listen to, and all the things we wish
we could buy, to fill the void
is to fail, to ruin
lies in the lines
i made real
the intimate, too personal,
my vital moments
times that I see myself
behind older eyes
a child that was good once,
I was special
just like so many others
I still hurt,
just like so many on this site
So many minds, so alike, so close
feeling alone,
with out each other
so we wonder, we think,
we write,
so they might
esteem like light
eases the dark
moods, beliefs,  
easing the hostility felt inside
I am, sometimes capable
of exceptional things
talented... I can create...
I log on here, and I read,
and I see others
so many minds, so alike,
without each other
they write, and they read
and I am trending?
my heart and hurt,
my highs and lows
the entire search of my life,
my reasons...
worthy of their time!...
and I am encouraged.
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
Unexpected, eyes wide,
always finding time, for you
when you are around,
the muted world, its gray shade
doesn't seem so real.
Colors follow You...
As you move through  this place,
my eyes make time, for you...
Those times our eyes meet,
I am reintroduced to a place,
one so long ago taken away
full of light, and hues
every color so deep I might fall endlessly within
All of them clean, brilliant,
inspiring my eyes to see again
my mind to believe again,
my eyes, each time, every time
Find time for you,
like the colors you bring
my eyes follow you.
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
Close your eyes for me Son
Please, so You won’t see Me
The Other Man I become
Selfish is He; Uncontrollable
All that He wants in life
Is nothing I want for you Son.
He seeks no memories,
Nothing as important,
As numbing what haunts a Man.
The Other Me I Become
Heavens I can see,
Blue skies above.
And I believe,
Demons reside beneath,
Deep below my feet.
Where do you want Me?
As a man I have to halves,
Good and Bad,
Is the middle where you want me?
Unable to make two halfs meld
How can a Man
make two halves of himself come whole?
Neither a saint
nor lost soul
it seems, I am between
neither, yet something
incomplete, both shades of who I am
Who I just might be
The Me that got away
The Innocent, Genuine,
Foolish and Misguided,
Functionally Addicted
One Half says: I Am.
Then the Other Man I Become:
Could Have Been.
I hate that man,
Other Man, I am;
Or will become.
The Half of me that is Reason;
He Believes, I am Decent.
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
I leave this place
Unto the bitter cold
Of a familiar unknown
Howling winds, frozen
Horizons out of reach
In all directions
Setting out, leaning
For feeble toeholds
In the frost, the ice, snow
Heeding an understanding
Seeking absolution,
Forgiveness, reason.
These buried emotional needs.
I leave this place.
We all face these tests.
Alone, as once we left them
Again returning to seek the way
Back to the sacred
To home, to rest, to home
I leave this place
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
She is, remains...
adorned importance
not seen as she is felt.

She is, fragrance
perfumes of blues,
purples hues, enticing.
bottled to be sprayed
by a chosen few

She is, stored away
boxed up in opaque

she is, ashes
all shades of grey
time and distance...

She is,...
            Fog At Daybreak.

by:jrfehlmann 12/2012
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
"EYES JUST LIKE MINE"

Eyes just like mine,
Sharing tears,
Just on the other side,
of the bathroom mirror.

Eye to eye weeping,
expressing the need to be,
To feel, to see,
Eyes just like mine,
Sharing tears.
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2013
With a heart made of paper mache,
A mask I had made the same way,
One to fill a vacant place inside,
The other tries to portray a lie.
But they still see my eyes behind,
That smiling face, they all see my eyes.
My heart made of paper mache,
And a mask I made to face my friends,
Because they don’t understand the way,
The hurting they say will fade away,
Never did; Stays the same.
So I pretend; I wear that face.
Smiling like they think I should,
A paper smile protects my pride,
A paper heart remains to this day.
Heart made of paper mache fills an empty place.
A mask I use to face each day,
Smiling for me to make them believe I am okay.
Made me a heart today.
Made from paper mache.
Made to take the real ones place.
Made to replace.
Made a new face today.
Made from paper mache.
Made it a smiling face.
Made just to face each day.
Made to hide the pain.
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