The sky was red the night
Of my grandfather's funeral.
My friends came by
To get me to feel spacey.
They stayed passed twelve.
But I feared it was too late.
I crammed myself in the
Backseat
Again.
My entire body aches with pain.
I need to start writing
These ******* thoughts
On paper.
So they become my own.
I really just want
*******.
I'm sick of these feelings.
So I'm just going to continue
To flirt with death
And look you in the eye.
You're so beautiful,
So unattainable.
Yet I've touched you
Time and time again.
I saw you last night.
You looked frightening.
I saw my skin stand tall.
I knew then I have been
In love from the beginning.
Maybe soul geometry
And connective intuition
Followed by countless
Zodiac comparison
is inevitable.
And I will end up alone
With one million
Felines while other
Mothers marry off their
Daughters..


  
It's been you.


And I shriek.
For I am losing myself.
And I for once feel comfortable.

By "that," I mean your current negative emotional-dependency attachment, and by "healthy," I mean neurotic and exhausting.

Canted at a crazy angle
with arms going wild like an air dancer at a car dealership.
I threw up in the bathroom of one like three weekends ago.
It was awful.

you may hear both sides of a story
but you believe the side of the one you love
and my dear, you've loved each chapter.
and as much as you might wish
you'd never read those words,
they still ring inside of you
but you skipped the epilogue,
which confessed that both sides are true;
it is possible that the hero is also the villain,
and the angel also the demon,
and the sweetest caramel skin masochistic,
and the ivory wristed sadistic.
And the fire that had engulfed them both at one time
was the reader, with much to learn.
Because with pleasure came so much pain,
caused by each of us to the other,
and for that I almost wish I never touched her,
but I am more than thankful that a part of her touched me,
for I too once was just a reader, with much to learn.
And I read of a flower who cracked the strongest concrete,
I was afraid that I might have killed it,
so I left the bud there, to blossom under another's water and sunlight,
for I have much to learn on the art of forgiveness of others and oneself and the art of suffering in silence.
Let her teach you something. Let her whisper oxygenated truths into your ear and believe that it is all true, because it is, to her and to me and to you.

I sit on the rooftop looking down. I look at my feet that dangle before me, traffic lights, cars and other motorists buzzing by, a mom pushing a stroller, kids frolicking in the grass because a new season has begun. I ponder about life itself. How can something be so excruciatingly invested in its own beauty but yet so atrocious at the same time? The daily news covers so much corruption throughout mankind but yet the view on the rooftop displays what is at peace with the world.

I feel as though we are governed by society, a caricature of how things should be and in this way some of us have grown to be cruel. One violently attacks another because of their religious beliefs, ****** orientation, physical appearance and race for reasons that i can't wrap my brain around. In this life, being different has become the elephant in the room, a label where society rears its ugly head.

It's upsetting how quickly some are to point fingers and publicly ridicule another without trying to put themselves in the victim's shoes. And maybe that's why I strive to be honest and embrace my difference. I feel for those who believe they are neglected by society and need to change who they are in order to fit in.          
       On the rooftop, i look for signs of humanity.

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

If you feel impotent in a world that doesn't move in the way you'd prefer it to; a world that is progressing at a rate that you can't keep up with. That it's spinning on despite you, and you see it as a personal attack, as in that it's spinning just to spite you, and this makes you feel desperate and alone and bitter, and these feelings swell up into a boiling hatred that makes you want to commit ******, in order to make yourself be heard in a world that ignores you.
Please, do the world a favor, and **** yourself first.

The clock makes
a sleepy revolution.
The hands are dragging,
moving so slowly.

Agonizingly slow.

Time won't move
fast enough, it seems.
But why
should it move faster?
What is there
to look forward to?

It feels like if
we could just get to
this enigmatic "future,"
we would be safe
and life would be good.

So we dawdle away
the present.
The present that was once
the future.
We just wait.
We don't realize
that we are in control.

We ruin ourselves
with false hope
for what lies ahead.

We brush away the chance
to choose our own fate.

We self-destruct
when life doesn't go
as planned.

We forget
that we never
had a plan to begin with.

We are our own
worst enemies,
but we need
someone else to blame.

So we blame "life."

Yeah, that same one we
Wasted.