You ask me my thoughts,
but how do I tell you I've been considering all the different things I can break to create critical scars on beautiful veins ever since you took my favorite blade?
You remember when we drank strawberry milk out of wine glasses?
Or that time we walked in the rain,
slowing instead of speeding up because
rain doesn't wash anything away
not skin or scars or secrets
and how do I tell you that I don't love you,
and that I really wanted to run that day?
But instead I stare into ocean eyes, smile, and just tell you
I'm lost

I don't even know anymore man
I don't want to live anymore
My chest gets heavier every time I exhale
Every bridge looks like a place to jump
Oncoming traffic a play zone,
I want to wash my skin with a razor blade loufa
And clean my teeth with cyanic Listerine

I walk barefoot in hopes of venomous spiders
I break mirrors while walking beneath black cats on ladders
All the while hoping my 7 years comes in a lump sum

I hope I choke on a Goldfish for the irony
Because it's the snack that smiles back

She is the type of person you may only meet a few times in your whole life;
always in brief encounters.
The type of person you could fall in love with in a heartbeat,
who opens up a world you didn't know existed.
You may catch her doing something mundane -such as filling a kettle-
and that's all it takes to fall in love again.
And if you're careful, very careful, you'll still recognise yourself when she leaves.
Because she will leave.
She is the sweetest poison and the body has habits of flushing out toxins.

The moment I let myself love you
happened incidentally, it was never
my intention and, yes, I was fiercely opposed,
but sometimes letting go of this fight to
keep yourself distant is
fundamental to being awake.

I say a moment, it was more like a collection,
a combination, a calamitous effect
of all the instants we spent, your eyes
widening and dark lashes closing shut only
to open again, drowning upon my face.

Yes,
this is going nowhere except
for the fact it has all already helped
me cross oceans and I will always have
the memory of your laughter and that
one moment
when your face said my smile alone
made the sun shine.