In the passing
Of innocence
As the operations
Of knowing engaged
A part of her was lost
To that brittle stage...
Through her eyes
I could blindly see
How to set
Her trust at ease
....
In playgrounds
Of callused fools
Desensitized
To moral rules
I find myself
Easily pleased
'Cause all we have
Is all we need
...

Rise and shine, first thing in the morning walking past the mirror.
Avoiding its reflection, not wanting to see its reflective picture.
Kneeling in the shower, hands pressed tightly to her ribs.  
Who is this frightened child?  Does she even exist?  
She took a step back from the world, no one knew she was alive.  
Now she’s grasping at her life, just trying to survive.
A tainted childhood in shame now fragile bones from self abuse,
don’t blame her though, she was only a child confused.  
How did this happen?  When did this begin?  
She seemed so happy, or was that all pretend?  
She had started at 130, or so,
but felt as if she had lost control.
What happened to this dear sweet innocent child?  
Her idea of beauty and perfection had driven her wild.
Minus 25 later she was so close.  
Almost 100 without any clothes.  
No one would touch her, they thought she would break.  
She told herself she was content with that trade.
I was 18.
~
I’m much better now in my adult discipline
eating healthy 3 meals a day purely for consumption.  
Yesterday, I skipped dinner in lieu of drinking wine.
Today at noon, hovering over my breakfast, I resign
Some days I struggle. Some days I am not fine.
But ...
I will eat my breakfast, lunch and dinner.
And paint my pretty pictures.

I spend my short life building walls for a living

Walls that keep in my emotions
And walls that keep out the ones who would corrupt them

But the mighty castle I've built has many flaws

They keep me safe, but trap my negativity
They protect me from others, but not from myself

But the worst part is that these walls may as well be made of paper

They crumble with the slightest of wind
They melt with the lightest of rain

These walls hold me up, but never when I need them