I've become it......the feeling that has no feel.
No description of this feeling, the manual did not say.
The instructions aren't here, Ive checked it a million times.
Please don't let this be the moment where I wrecked it because I didn't expect this.  

A word that relates to nothing that cannot be elaborated.
This does explain the jumbled mess of thoughts in my mind, thoughts filled with the death and Devine.
Everything is nothing and nothing is everything, no feeling, no reeling the mind.

Devoid of emotion from the subconscious.
Devoid of emotion, my heart does not feel you, can't stop this.
Devoid of emotion from a twisted mind that isn't thoughtless, I haven't got this.
Devoid of emotion, please God won't you just stop this?

I've forgot less that's not a mess **** it I digress into my mind deeper than lochness.
The screams that keep dreams flowing through streams like smooth cream into my coffee darkly beam.
Have I made sense to you yet of my emotion filled regret that hovers over my covers and spills from my mind?
Maybe I haven't gotten that far yet...

The eyes grow weary of a feelingless feeling, cascading how this happened through my mind, my ceiling.
The body has been here before, when a fall to my pillows is all I want in store.
Couldn't eat today though I never felt hunger, I tried but it just wouldn't stay and that's the most I've felt all day.
The day grew long but clearly I have no theory to what brought about a feel with no feeling.

Desensitized from my eyes.
Desensitized from my lies.
Desensitized in every sense of the word.
Desensitized, numb....

.......it's not what I deserve.....


                      Numb.

I tried to drown inside a bottle one time.
I tried to drink myself into oblivion to remove every bit of your love from me.
I tried to drown myself, drown myself deep beneath the ways of fermented corn and wheat.
I tried to drown myself, tried to fill my lungs from bottom to top like the bartenders who would fill my cup.
I needed to drown.

I tried to **** myself with speed that was fueled by all of my anger.
I tried to **** myself with speed by mashing my foot down farther and farther you see.
I tried to **** myself with speed as I raced across the bridge that seemed to float over the sea,full of all that fermented wheat and corn that I through down my esophagus to try and drown away my heart and mind.  
I needed to flee behind that wheel you see.

I tried to bury myself alive in what I thought would take my mind away from you.
I tried to bury myself alive in work and school and pointless endeavors.
I tried to bury myself alive so much that I finally almost got what I didn't want, self suffocation to shut my mind off.
I tried to bury myself alive, tried to choke myself off and turn this mind to the opposite of on.
I needed to suffocate.

I tried to burn away your memory with memories of others.
I tried to strike your memory from off my mind with empty relationships and moments of euphoria.
I tried so hard to pull you from my mind and heart, God did I try.
I tried to end my suffering and destroy my internal engine.
I tried to rip my heart out and stomp on it until it stopped pumping and thumping blood through every stricken vein.
I needed to die.

I tried to **** myself you see.
I tried to destroy everything that you made me to be.
I tried to get all of you out in the worst ways possible.
I tried to go down in what only seemed to be today's modern blaze of glory.
I tried to fall through the bottom of the pit that once was my life.
I tried to press fast forward so that I could quickly get to the end and not let time heal me.
I tried to press fast forward and accelerate the fall.
I needed to fall.

What I felt like I needed only turned into moments of life that I look back on and thank god that they didn't work.
What I did not realize in all those dark moments was that I was setting myself up for my next part.
I was beginning a new role, planning my restart.
I tried and tried and tried so hard to wreck who I was and go further to the dark side.
I eventually crawled my way out of that pit.
I climbed so high, fell a few times but found my way out of it.
I needed to fall.

What once was will never be again and if I could go back I wouldn't stop that downward spin.
I wouldn't reach down to grab myself, to give a hand of help that I felt no one was giving me, I was blind to those who tried because all I wanted to feel was the pain.
I wouldn't go back to change how it started, wouldn't try to fight myself, wouldn't try to fan the flame that had departed.
I wouldn't go back to the start you see because if I would've then I wouldn't be me.

I needed to drown.
I needed to flee behind that wheel.
I needed to suffocate.
I needed to die.
I needed to fall.
I needed to find myself through all the thorns and barbed twine.
I needed to fall.
I needed to stop pressing fast forward.
I needed to restart.

The reflective green of the exit, not this one
A long way from home with the black too beneath the worn rubber that has traveled so many miles
The dashed lines pass and pass and pass, from white to yellow and back again
A semi flys by, I don't mind, it's enjoyable to take your time.

Where to this time?
To Dayton?
To Louisville?
To Indy?
The spirit to travel will always be in me.
Oh how these lights cast our the darkness as I fly by.

To put this down on paper would feel much simpler, more real, more meaningful
The imagery would appear and stick like the ink to the paper, like the tires to the road
Always on the go, always on the run, to travel, to explore, so many places I've never been before

As I reflect about the open road, I'm trapped inside this coat check in a building filled with the lost
How I long to travel home on this cold winters night and dream of places not yet seen
How I long to feel my eyes feast upon so many unknown wonders
Will I get to view such things?
One wonders, for now I'll chase the road like post lightning thunders.

The roar, the buzz, almost over taking the sounds of  G-Eazy playing over my headphones
The roar, the buzz, the bouncing of this bright white vessel gliding through the air
The roar, the buzz, the ears popping every so often as the lady next to me sleeps peacefully
The roar, the buzz, the leveling out of the wings to reveal a beauty I've never seen before

Pinks, yellows, reds, and oranges that cannot be replicated peak from the clouds on the horizon and make their way into my memories
A smooth, glossy table top of grey clouds holds up this beauty that I have yet to see in my life
The winding rivers and lakes appear like a stream of water from my windshield or a puddle on the side walk from up here
This sight manages to soothe the uneasiness of my stomach and mind as we continue to make the climb
What a sight to behold

To be this high seems almost impossible but here I sit with my head about the clouds making my way to a distant home away from home
To be this high makes me feel blessed for what I'm embarking to, a journey he surely started me on long ago
To be this high, to see the beauty of this sunrises makes me want to believe again
To be this high, to see the beauty from this vantage point makes me ponder if this is what God behold in his own eyes

What a thought and beauty to behold as he might, the sunrise from god's eyes, from his height
I am nearly moved to tears as I sit next to strangers who have fallen asleep, not even making a peep, missing this beauty that my eyes hold in their gaze but the mind will keep with me for many days
I'm full of wonder like I felt as a child, the idea of being this high to me is just wild

Is anyone else feeling this way in this moment?
Is anyone awake to see what I see? What God wants us to see? What he needs us to see?
What would it be like to sit this high way up in the sky on a cloud of grey that's slowly turned to white and be within god's eyes?

The list of my wondering just continues to grow and grow so much so that it seems like my mind will not slow
The colors grow much more vibrant than just a moment before....was it a moment or has it been almost the entire flight?
I feel that I've lost track while gazing at the colors and white clouds that are stacked on one another
Who knows where I am or who I'm above, maybe it's a friend I haven't seen in a long time or just the sleepy world beneath me

Does a pallet of colors exist to recreate this?
The colors continue to peak and grow further than I could have imagined
I wish I could show you the pictures I've just taken in my mind
I wish I could share these images with you but I cannot describe them any further and the images are only mine to be had
What a blessing that is though, what a story I can tell you as soon as the rubber meets the concrete again

I'm far off from landing however, I'm glad too....because I want to gaze upon this through his eyes forever
Is this what looking through his eyes would be like?
I don't have the answers to nearly all of my questions and that's fine with me
I need to go now, I have more memories to make
I have much more to see

Slow me down, I have to keep my feet on the ground.
Slow me down, how many times does this have to go down.
So much speed with too much sound. Somebody please just slow me down.

Flying high in pale blue skies do nothing but help me realize, that life moves fast, so fast it flies right past these eyes.
Somebody please just slow me down.

Slow me down, I need to see, I need to see what life's been given to me. I need to feel, I need to breathe, I need to slow down to set me free.
Somebody please just slow me down.

I move to fast for things to last, slow me down.
I feel too less my minds a mess.
Somebody please just slow me down.

If you walked up to two doors, one push, one pull, which would you choose and why?
Would you push the one open because that journey would be easy.
Or would pull with all your might because that journey is more appeasing.
Two doors that lead to the same place but how you get there is you choice, both run at a different pace.

How could this simple choice be so complex?
You have two choices, one is all you get
This shouldn't be so hard to decide, take the time to think before you pick the one that abides.
You've been this way many times before, what makes this time different?
It's just two doors.

Would you decide that the push is worth the shove with the possibility with running into someone who dropped their glove?
Would you be rude and pushy like the life you've been leading just to fly through the door to what it is you think you're seeking?
Would you push harder than you thought you could?
Would you push gently like when a dancers feet greet the wood?

Would you pull and pull and pull like a fool who plays it safe in every situation so you can see what's coming before you?
Would you reach your arm out to full extension, feel the metal on you fingers as they grip with all that's in them?
Would you pull it towards you and feel the breeze and experience a chill that shakes your knees?
Would you pull with the hand you dominate with or switch it up to train the opposite?

Once you've made your choice to either push or to pull you walk in to the spot whose choice has left you gasping for a breather.
It's a small, open space where you think you've found what you've needed and you did it with grace.
Before you, though, stands something you didn't expect to see....another door.
What do you do now, there's only one choice and it's directly the same as what you decided before.
So what's the answer, the one from the moment before.
Think carefully, do you push or do you pull and walk through the door.

She is always there.
I never have to ask.
She never questions.
I do not always know what to say.
She is always there.

She is always there.
I never know how to fully let it out.
She never pries.
I do not understand how it got to this point.
She is always there.

She is always there.
I will never have her again the way that I need her.
She never abuses my heart.
I need her more and more.
She is always there.

She is always there.
I will never understand why my heart beckons for her.
She never squeezes although she has a firm grip on me.
She is always there.

I have never had to ask her for anything.
I have never had to hide any part of who I am from her.
I have never wanted to let her go again like I did foolishly so long ago.
I have never wished for anyone to be the one harder than I have wished for her.
I have continued to dream of her.
I have continued to breathe the same air she breathes.
I have continued to love her when I know things will likely never reach that point again.
I have continued and continued and have not let go of my hope for what could be for one simple reason...

She.
Is.
Always.
There.

Why do we view love as being something that's disposable?
Are we that caught up in the pain and the heartbreak that hurts as much when we break one of our opposables?
What are we going to do when the heart gets numb and our mind and our bodies and other parts go dumb, we wouldn't think it's so disposable then.
We'd sit here in our houses like sheep, thinking about the times back in high school thinking about the girl from class that we'd get no sleep.
We'd sit here on the porch and gaze at a streetlight that flickers our every few days.
We'd wish and wish that we could restart it all over and jumpstart our heart, we'd breathing deeply and scream because we know that'll never happen and it hurts too hard.
We'd pace around at our local grocery store and look up an item that triggers memories galore.
When will wake up to this realization and just the world be, these are the crazy thoughts my head keeps spinning, the ones that keep me up you see.
When will we wake up and smile and breathe and take a sip, we can make it further and further if we're willing to take the dip.
Jump into the deep end, get out, and wash it off because love is something like water it simply starts with a drip.

why can't time just freeze so i can stop and take a breathe for a second
with each breath i draw in it will not calm my head that continues to spin
what is this life
why is this the way things go
someone get me off this crazy thing...

my lungs stay tight, almost as if each breath makes them grow tighter and tighter
i used to think i was such a fighter but now the heart, the mind, the sprit are full of nothing but doubt
what are these thoughts
why are things going this way
someone get me off this crazy thing...

i'm tired of this fight, for what it's worth, fighting for something that won't unearth
i just can't seem to figure it out and now i'm filled with doubt
what should i do
why should i
someone get me off this crazy thing...

i want to run, run, run away but just like the rest of time i decide to stay
if i don't stay then things won't change, i won't get to the next height
i will make it through this fight
what did you expect me to do
why don't i just up and run
it's just my work here is never done

This time the burn was too much to bare, I could not keep my mind off of it thinking life is not fair.
This time, as I breathe deeply, the burn ripped the flesh away, a third degree that took my skin, it took it all and did not repay.
This time was the tipping point, I felt it deep in my heart like a cold day ache in my joint.
The summit had been reached, the height of negativity, how did this moment have such longevity?

You could've burned me worse years ago when we first met, at least the damage would be done and there would be no regret.
I probably wouldn't have felt it, I've been devoid of these emotions.
I wouldn't have let it get to me, not even for a second so why it happened now is a true mystery, my hearts pain truly beckoned.
It created a rip in time that slowed life down, things drew on forever.
That second felt like a minute, my heart was a little bit in it.

That second felt longer than I would've ever intended it to be, it brought about some clarity, as I wiped my eyes to clearly see.
I've always wondered how time could be so relative, to let it get to my heart to create a spark, this time it was imperative.
I needed to feel this, have it push me over the edge, to have it hit me harder than a sledge.
This was the wake up call I've been missing, the memories will fade of you just like the passion of your kissing.

I've awakened from the pain, it's gone now it is slain.
Another lesson learned to not trust others who come and go in your life after you've been burned.
Get out of here with that nonsense, I don't need you and this won't weigh heavy on my conscience.
I'm going to let this go but still take note, I won't forget the feeling, all the lies that you spoke...I hope that you choke.

Needless to say I'm angry, these words spill out of me with no filter.
I will haunt with the words eventually, if I don't stop my mind and heart will end up as the next casualty.
I'm glad this will be going away shortly, that second seemed to last forever.
Tick goes the second, just the tick not the tock, not the multiple bits of time ringing from the clock.
Just the tick, that's enough time wasted, enough time being devastated.

Tick it goes and my heart stays beating slow.
Tick it sings and I turn the lights low.
Tick it rings and then it leaves.
Tick it goes and I still breathe.

I haven't felt so alive in a long time, it's like this summer wasn't  planned to be one for the record books.
It's like I've finally found my Alaska, but if you asked me if she'll stay I couldn't tell you.
Is she perfect?
Hell yeah, that's for **** sure
She's had that same wave length vibe as soon as she stepped through the door.
I try to cherish every moment because I know this will eventually end and I just want to hold onto it.

I want to sit in this seat for a moment so that I can enjoy your laughter for a little while longer.  
I want to continue to discover new music, want to expand upon what I know so my ears and heart grow stronger.
I want to feel this and reel it in for just a second longer, these dream draws me in and makes my heart grow fonder.
Please wake me up now, I can't handle this sensation any longer.

You and i are on the same wave length and for me it's exciting.
You showed up at random like an empty storm, you were the lightning.
Loud, stunning, you spoke with wit, your words were cunning, and those eyes were  so stunning.  
To describe you much further would be much more difficult.
You've got something special, I can definitely see it.
It's a shame that world's can't align right now because we'd be divine, you know I mean it.
Someone wake me up now, this dream I've been in before, I've seen it.

I've clearly lost it now, my mind that is, to see a moment that's never happened and speak upon it in my dreams.
The dreams drive me crazy, they drive me to the brink, they drive me mad sometimes or was that my last drink?
But eventually at night the dreams I'm in never come to life and all I'll ever be is just a conversation to you, a distant memory, a wondering twilight.
Someone wake me up please, someone get me off this crazy thing.

Can you fall in love with the way someone rolls their eyes?
Every time she does it gives me butterflies.
I'll take any moment of feeling normal where I can get it, you've given me life.
But the dreams the come to and end, the moments where we both transcend.
It's coming to a close now but not like the ones before you.
Hard and fast, that's how this moment ends
Hard and fast, like how my heart beats and head spins...
Hard and fast, please don't go, this needs to last.

The final moment ends up lasting for a lifetime.
The final moment ends up being the perfect moment.
When you find something that's perfect you should always hold on to it, I'll put this ending on a shelf inside my heart.
If I ever forget this I know you'll surely slap me and if you want to know how I feel say "I've got a question I need to ask ya..."
I'll simply look back and say,
"You know how I feel, it hasn't changed, you're it, you're my Alaska."

Loud booming 90's jams while sleepless people spend their clams
Bright lights full color, two random guys looking for their brother
How high is the limit? One hundred won't even last a minute
The ATM a blaze, I don't understand the craze
Kendrick busting out, he's the best rapper lately without a doubt
Cars come and go like the tickets of my pockets, hoping for no flat tires so there's no need for a socket
Gold and brown surrounding my eyes, 7:30 draws closer, oh how the time flies

Work, work, work, is that really what this is?
I guess this is the life though, the story of the biz
Those who lay waste to their capital are the ones who feel house rules are not applicable
Third time here stepping through the door and I feel much more loved than anytime before
A couple for a coat, another for their tote
Time ticks so slow tonight, is there such thing as a coffee flight?

Two girls walk by siping their drinks as they gripe, I wouldn't even talk to them, they're not the type
Ring rung goes the phone, this breaks the silence of being alone
The clock ticks near, the morning sky is far from clear
Until we meet again I'm going to dream, the feeling of bed just makes me gleam
Goodnight

She is the eternal sunshine that brings life.
She is the warmth, the love, and the light.
She is the beautiful day that holds me together.

She is the eternal sunshine.

I just want to know if you'll dance with me...

I just want to know if that would make the difference.
I just want to dance with you and move with such vibrancy.

I just want to feel you close to every bit of my pulsing heart that yearns for your touch.

I just want to swing about like Danny Kaye did way back in the golden age of music and dance.

Would you want to dance with me?

Would you be my Vera-Ellen?

Would you dance about in that beautiful blue dress that matches your eyes to the T.

...would you dance with me?

Vera, like you, was a blessing to dancing.

To twirl in a manner that is captivating to one who watches it is a trait so rare.

The passion with which you dance does not escape from my mind.

Will you dance with me, I'll leave my extra left foot behind.

We can dance to no music if you'd like.

Let the sounds that play in our minds be the soundtrack to our silent waltz.

Our feet, our minds, our hearts in sync, will you dance with me.

This was just a thought I had on my mind.

Who knows if I'll ever get that chance.

I just wanted to know if you'd like to dance...

This room is full of too much, it's loaded with boxes but the clutter is not what is getting to me, making it so hard to breathe.
This room is full of too many things, it's loaded down with the past that's choking me  and the distant memories.
I love coming home but not back to this, it reaches into my heart and pulls out suppressed blooms and faded bliss.
I love coming home but not to this room, if I'm in here for long I'll succumb to the gloom.

This room is too noisy, please be quiet.  
I can't stand to stand in here,
I should get what I need and get going, get clear.
Was that your laughter echoing through these barren walls?
No, stop it, deep breath in and let it go, I've only got deep scars from your claws.
Too many good memories here to out weigh the silence of me sitting on the edge of the bed....crying....deeply breathing.
Too many drunk nights spent sitting here wondering, was I truly wondering or was I trapped in another nightmare.

This room is too cloudy.
It's filled full of smoke from the wicks of the candles I spent hours burning to barely light up this room.
The dim, bleak light of the candles would flow across the scattered posters upon my ceiling and walls then bounce around the corners and end up down the empty hall.
Inhale, exhale, more smoke arises to mask any and all blurred thoughts spreading from my mouth.
Inhale the scent of a once fruitful love, exhale out the pain for the tears I've never shed.

This room is a distant stranger now and that's fine by me because I'm clear of the danger, my mind is a different level above that sea.
There was a bomb blast that cast the dust that lays about this room so still like a deserted car.
The blast ruined every bit of what we knew would never last.
I wish I could've shielded myself better, it would've saved me the time of writing you those letters.

I finally saw you though, it's been so long, about two years.
I saw you and a thought inside my clicked.
The thought that you weren't what I needed, I'm glad you went away, that you conceded.
That room of mine has some hidden treasures, some hidden paintings, books bound with leather.
That room of mine still sits so full,
I'll end this letter now,
I'll put down this tool.

I often think about you and some words to say
I pick a few out almost everyday
Like "hey, how are you?" or "how was your day?"
I wish I could just hold it back and stay away,
Cause it's not like these words will ever sway

I open my mouth and stutter to you,
It's like my tongue is stuck to the roof with super glue
I won't let me speak, I want to let it go
I want the peace of mind like I used to know
So I lie up in bed with every intention to sleep.
My mind just wonders on and let's the thoughts seep

But maybe things are not that meant to be,
Maybe this is what we have to do to set thee free
We fly through life with flashes of special people,
The one we think will stay we always meet at the steeple
The happiness ensues, did I just imagine all this?
Whatever happened to these thoughts that brought perpetual bliss?

Maybe it's the mind, the thoughts that seep through,
The words that cause my tongue to stick like glue
I'm not really sure my eyes are even open anymore,
Maybe they have shut and I have stepped through the door
Am I in the land of sleep?
Did my mind let go and finally let me count sheep?
Where am I, hello? Can anybody hear me?
Please wake me up so I can see things clearly

Then I woke up like all the times dripping wet,
Do I always have to wake up in this cold sweat,
Not knowing if it's the right time to come home yet
The dreams are what **** me most,
I reach out to save you and you just turn to a ghost
I never thought that it would be this way,
So these are just some words that I want to say,
Hey, how are you?
How was your day?

Frustrated is what I am
It's not who I am but it's definitely me at this very second.

Frustrated with this moment
It's not the moment I am in but it's definitely me in the distant past.

I am so done with this over all distinct dictation of how I should be within the realm of this happiness.

.....that didn't come out the way I wanted it too...

I am frustrated.

Frustrated is who I am because that's where I am.
It is me in this moment and it is me wanting more than maybe I deserve.

I'm not sure....I'm probably full of ******* on that last one.

Look....

I've been at this point for so long that I forget what it's like to work for something that makes me happy but I deserve to be happy, everyone does.

I've been missing out and I'm tired of it.

This whole thing makes no sense at all but what does?

Scratch the "but what does?"

This whole thing makes no sense.

I'm just so....what's the word....

Frustrated.

Cruising through the pale yellow lights on this Florida drive.
The trip to Jupiter was not nearly as far out as one would think, I tip my head back to finish my drink.
One light
Two lights
Three, now four

The bumpy road makes me a weary traveler, I want to be behind the wheel, in control.
The white lines pass by faster than one could blink, I tip my head back to finish my drink.
One tree
Two trees
Three, now four

Pale yellow as my heart stays mellow for another mile so far from home.
I'm so close to being back for what will feel like a breather.
One breath
Two breaths
Three, now four

The valley of my heart is not empty, it's more full than it has been in a while.
We curve and twist around a river much smaller than the Nile, maybe that's not a river at all and it's the ocean that at this moment looks small.
One wave
Two waves
Three, now four

The trumpets sound as my eyes grow tired, my head sinking towards the ground.
Stay up, you might as well a voice says to me, my heart slows to show that sleep is near me.
One beat
Two beats
Three, now four

The glow to my face, I should put it down, disconnect so my body can rest on low.
The glow of the headlights show no signs of slowing down.
The snare shot of an angry melody keeps my eyes barely open.
The blinks are slowing,
One blink
Two blinks
Three,
....now four....
Four
Fou
Fo
F
Sleep tight

I love everything she says, I hang to every word that slips out of her pale pink lips.
How I long to kiss every bit of them to taste the knowledge within, do I also dare try to steal the past pain away?
Wow, I hang on every word.
I want, no need something that cannot be heard but that will never be.
How can that be when whatever will be will be?
She doesn't even see me.
I'm invisible, a gleaming.
I must be crazy, I must be, you have to trust me.
I can ramble for days while sifting through this mess of me.
I don't understand, I don't get it, why is there this fire within me and who lit it?
She's just perfect in every way, what more is there to say?
I could go on and on but I'm not sure how to finish, which spot to end it on.
God do I long, I long still!
This has nothing to do with a one night thrill, she's not the one for that and my mind has turned away from that for forever and for always.
I'm finally back to the thoughtful, foresightful mind that used to roam through these crowded hallways.
My heart needs to be calmed once and for all, it's been years and here I am stuck in this perpetual fall.
My heart screams.
My heart pleads.
Who knows if this is really what it needs.
Would one last fight be worth it?
Would it destroy every bit of what's here and unearth it?
I don't have the answer, that's why I'm here.
I put this down so that my mind stays clear, I feel like I do this at least once a year.
That longing stays burning and keeps drawing me near.
For one thing is for certain, the feeling is still here.
It keeps my heart going and let's me know I'm still here.

Struck from an altitude, I've never viewed the earth like this before
The white beauty of the distant clouds outlined by the blue sky fills me deeply
Where am I right now, this is not the earth I've seen from the ground
Is this heaven, a place that's completely surround

The clouds sit still like white caps that have been stopped in time, perfection
Is this God's will?
Is this what I've been denying?
Is what I needed to see to prove to myself that I've been lying?
Always questions

He always gives the questions that I have to search for the answers to
Maybe that is his path for me, a scavenger hunt of a life because he made me so curious about everything from the start
I guess this time I should answer him or have something to show for what has been put in front of me, the emotions put inside of me

Frozen waves of sky catch my eye, the white caps rage in pause
I have no words for this sort of beauty
I could try and try, compare it all to your face but I'm sorry it would not describe the scene, it would not do it justice
I wonder what it's like to be on the ground right now, stuck to ideals, places, and people  that have no meaning, stuck to them with an unearthly believing
I feel like I need to declare, I need to declare what's been on my mind since God pulled my heart back in this air
I can't keep living like I am, can't keep acting without a care

I need to be better than I have
I need to be full of positivity
I need to be full of love
I need to be what I've always been so afraid of
I need to be

Maybe then love will peak it's head
Maybe then I can grace someone's life with more than those who have come before
Maybe then I can serve my life in a manner that I should've been from the start
Maybe then I can finally find peace within
Maybe then I can

If I remove the maybes, the doubt from those sentences precious how differently will things look?

Love will peak it's head
I can grace someone's life with more than those who have come before
I can serve my life in a manner that I should've been from the start
I can finally find peace within
I can

I can be who I have always needed
I can take this moment of life where God has shown me that beauty with which he held in his own

It's amazing, this journey I'm on...
I've met multiple people speaking to me about God and thoughts that I once felt so long ago
I think it's time I quit ignoring that knock on the door that has been happening for so long
I can find that faith again
I can find my way back to the light
I can see it
I can find the peace
I can

A man chooses his weapon of choice at a young age, at least this I do believe.
Many choose the sword, others the pen, and more often than not most choose a game as a weapon, their vice.
Then we have a very few who choose the path that many wish they had taken.
They choose a weapon to work with that uses their hands to create sounds that will twist and grasp the minds of men into feeling again.
Often it is made of wood with metal keys that are often cold in the beginning and grow  warm with sound as the hours pass.
Then we have those cast from hard metal pulled from Mother Earth, the brass, the silver, the copper, the nickel.
The weapons that in olden days signaled the end of dynasty's.
These weapons, which God has deemed the audible sound for the end and also what he deemed worthy for the beginning
Cool, smooth as silk, reflective by nature, reflective of the heart when one pulls the strength to wield it.
Pulled from a sheath to wake the heavens like many have before and placed back into its slumber when one decides the damage is done to both the world and themselves.
You see, this weapon takes just as much from those who use it as those who hear it.
The pouring of the heart, the mind, the person's energy create every bit of power to destroy those listening....or bring them back to life.
No other weapon does this.
No other weapon possesses this power.
No other weapon will ever be like it.
No other weapon will be what it is...

Perfect.

She asked "if you were the poet and I were the words, would you write me out so delicately that you didn't miss the verbs?"
"Would you laugh at the lines between which you see?"

As if I had a wonder, I tried to muddle through the thoughts within me, I tried to answer these directly.
I wouldn't know how to start, most of my words fly right out quick cause they're ready to depart.
How do you answer questions that are not meant for you?
Do you try to be the poet and make those words come true?

If I were the poet and you were the words I would throw out all the questions, my answers would simply be absurd.
I would write what's on my mind, speak what's in my soul.
I would tear down the walls with words so true and pure, words that would make the heart stir.
I would take the words I've learned over the years and do what I could to help ease your fears.

If I were the poet and you were the words I would keep on writing and writing until I reached a point that at the least exciting.
I would edit out your errors but they're not what I call flaws.
I would craft the words so delicately, like the ones you speak so eloquently.
I would start you out with a sentence or two and give you time to simmer, then finally come back to you.
I would start you back over if that is what it took, I would feel the eraser motion of my table as it shook.

She asked, "if you were the poet and I were the words, would you leave me unfinished? Uncharted?"
If I were the poet and you were the words I would come back in time to finally finish what I started, to give you what you deserve.

The sights I view up so high are majorly blissful.
There is a lake gleaming in the distance.
It gets swallowed up by clouds, a blanket of soft white giants.
If you were to ask me where earth stopped and heaven began I don't think I could tell you.
Forest had it right by noticing that and I'm glad I see it too.
Maybe we're just all right here for a reason.
We're here to witness this, the art that God made to show us to believe in.
You've made me feel wild within my heart, I want to explore more, want to witness your art.
I just want to stay awake for this because I know often times I blink and there's parts of life that I've missed.
I don't want to miss, I don't want to miss anymore.
I want to feel more alive than ever, towards that August Saturday feeling I strive.
I'm just running on and on at this point because I'm headed back towards everything I've always written about, love, God, your face, and how I'm changing, clearing out the doubt.
This time is different for me, this view has brought an anxiety-less moment in a life full of hidden panic.
The anxiety is often what has gotten me to where I need to be, to get me off my *** so that I can make a life for me.
The anxiety that keeps me up at night, the anxiety that has filled me with an extreme amount of fright.
I breathe in and breathe out, peaking at god's face and remembering what it's all about.
It's about finding myself so that I can push further.
Finding my self and getting on with life with full fervor.
I love being up so high,
I love it so,
I love it so when my mind touches the sky.

My eyes.
My eyes are open.
My face it hurts.
My face it floods.

My eyes are open but they don’t see a thing.
My eyes are open but I just can’t see.
My screen burns my face.
My tears burn my face.

My eyes.
My eyes are open.
My face it hurts.
My face it floods.

My eyes are barely open.
My eyes refuse to take it all in.
My face is blank.
My face is covered, wet skin.

My eyes.
My eyes are open.
My face it hurts.
My face it floods.

My eyes want rest.
My eyes are so open but it burns with pain and exhaustion.
My face wants rest.
My face is blank and I proceed with caution.

My eyes.
My eyes are open.
My face it hurts.
My face it floods.

My eyes they drain completely...
My eyes they weep...
My face floods with grief...
My face just wants to sleep...

My eyes...
My eyes are open...

Something that I’ve missed
The quiet of sitting
Headphones playing a loved artist
This brings me peace

The stillness
Book in hand
Headphones playing a reminder
This brings me peace

A familiar feeling
A total stranger
Headphones playing cause you know me
This brings me peace