its kind of funny how youre the one asking me that question. Its as if i havent made myself as apparent (transparent) as i could be. But Ive learned my lesson, never trust anyone again. We all learn that oce or twice, maybe early on in life. Yet youre still one of the only, the one the ones who seem to appear beneficial to me. and i know how that sounds super superficial of me but really, Ive come to the point where i can truly figure out that ive been nothing but a fool, and a pretty big **** fool.
am i really exploiting myself? Just so that someone else will get the message that I, for one, am totally not nearly finished with them. I like the fact that im not naive, yet I seem to let things slip over me. For once I should be done, it should be my final decision , but thats far from being my only conviction. For now, Ill just leave this unfinished.
many errors bc i cant be bothered to formally edit this bc im truly ******
What am I gonna do next year when you wont even be near, helping me go through yet again my one too many fears.
You just want to let go and forget everything, don't you know how much you mean to me?
I'm not trying to say the wrong thing, but why don't you just ******* believe in me?
Listen to my actual words, and believe in the flying birds.
Who take off without knowing right or wrong.
Who take off without knowing where they belong.
Why don't you believe in our bond and not care what goes wrong.
written : 2-28-17
Why must God make me succumb to his wishes? Making me believe that the forgery of this pen means no thing. Maybe he just wants me to see the irony. No inspiration can be brought from his message. Yet, the desolation cannot describe the isolation in my needs. You won't succeed tonight, but you'll overcome his wishes to succumb. Thus, freeing your being, if seeing is believing.
written : 2-21-17
I get anxious.
I feel vacant.
I get random bouts of inspiration, but definitely not motivation.
My thoughts don't have the proper translation.
**** these moments of exasperation.
Maybe it's not meant for these situations to awaken.
Do you walk down my street?
Do you know my routine?
Are you looking for me?
Help me, for I cannot breathe,
Help me, for I cannot see,
Help me, do you know what I mean?
Do you believe in what I say?
Modeling one like clay, to your perfection.
Give me your undivided attention,
Give me your endless affection,
For I am less than absolution, a part to your delusions and confusion caused by the intrusions.
You're not gonna amount to anything in life.
The dreams you let deceive aren't something you should believe.
Nothing means a thing.
Everything is just in your fixation of an imagination beyond compensation.
"Unrealistic" You should listen, stop the flawless movement of your one track mind.
How could you let yourself be so naive?
You think you're so intelligent?
Why can't you sell it?
It's one thing to let yourself fall victim to your daydreams, but it's another to live in the fantasy.
Let alone be the only person taking part while everyone watches you lose your sanity. (granted you haven't lost it already.)
Do you ever stop to think? (or is that only over the small, careless things)
Back to the original statement, do you really think you'll make it?
If so, forgive me for saying what you need to see. (in all honesty I couldn't be more sorry, such pity, really)
How could you let yourself believe such absurd things?
Don't you think you would've learned as the years go?
(you're delirious, helpless, you won't make it, but hey! fake it, be my guest)
this is aimed at no one but myself
this was a no edit, wrote as soon as you think type thing
when will it all end?
no more winnings
no new beginnings
this isn't really thrilling
life goes on
or are they wrong
what is it that makes the bond?
I'm out of luck
I've already had enough
I already wrote them
who cares if it's broken
just another wasted day
I want to get away
some day you'll all pay
but surely, not today
I feel cheated
I feel defeated
oh well, it keeps repeating
all these voices
all these choices
who will help me voice them?
someone help me
is this healthy
I can't find a reason to breathe
fading into the walls
not wanting to stand tall
surely this is my last call
hear my whispers
hear my cries
for tonight my memory will die
say goodbye tonight
for I can't keep this fight
I know this decision is right
I wrote this almost a year ago, on the 18th of march to be exact so wow, a lot of angst and **** in this, wasn't in a good state but yknow