im so sorry i couldn't keep my promise
and i never took you to see space
a broken lever came out of me
spilled all of my secrets on the grass
in front of your house
im glad you closed your windows this time
i know how scary my screams are
and i know
i am never going to see you
so i close my eyes and think of you
oh what a pathetic thing of me to do
for old times sake i promise
ill stay and we'll talk till morning
but after that im leaving
i am leaving u for good
with this sad trail of blood behind me

it never felt like the end
it feels unfinished don't you think?
you could have been my best friend

i always thought you would talk to me again
it feels wrong
all of this

and yet
every time you ignore me
i ******* love it


and it ******* excites me

making you want to stay and keep talking to me has me chewing on my tongue, filling my mouth with blood.
that is what you taste like, this is what fear tastes like.
i need you to stay.
ask me for my name goddamit.
ask me for something, anything i beg you.
there is so much blood inside my mouth





im scared you are going to see it soon.

it is like a fistful of barbed wire
to pull myself out of lava

Life as misery
Death as release
      Silence

my stranger
you know i barely think about you i really don't
you close a book and that is it
until you forget the story
i guess watching your favorite film yesterday was not a good idea
because i had a dream about you
it ended like an hour ago but it feels longer
we were in a weird motel
it looked almost put there just for us
and we talked
super weird how i feel like we talked
maybe we did talk
the dream realm is no joke
dude **** we have literally never talked lol
i don't even remember your voice
can i pretend that you are mute?
or is that rude of me to say?
because you were definitely not mute haha
and i promise i really do not have feelings for you
when people say that they usually lie
i'm not one of them right now
no reason to lie to myself
at times it feels like i don't have feelings period
i think it's a trauma response
or
i like to pretend
its so much more fun
that the vacuum cleaner i hear every night takes and ***** them out of me
funny right?
ugh yeah why do you care
it's just frustrating how much i wish you knew
about the stares, the playlists, the longing, the dreams
and i really wish i saved your bike
what does one person do with that information
they become numb and they lose it
i can't hold information don't you know
being numb has to be the worst
like you are almost home? and then you find out your hands have frozen and you drop the keys
and u just stand there lolol
no more home
so i wish someone else could take it instead
keep it for me
it spills and it growls. and it needs cleaning
and some love
but not too much or i remember
how i make strangers
i really tried to clean my hands
the mud isn't getting out
the one i buried you with
or is it guilt?
my stranger
truly out of all the strangers i have loved
you were the one i had a dream about
your favorite film has an amazing soundtrack btw

"so what if u catch me where would we land?"