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315 · Sep 2016
Caught in the Undertow
Samm Marie Sep 2016
Body splashing
Heart pounding
Throat gurgling
Mind sputtering
.
.
.
*But it will be okay, eventually
315 · Sep 2016
In the Land of Bullshit
Samm Marie Sep 2016
I don't believe in gender roles
Because how are we supposed to societally grow
If we set restrictions on
What can be done and by whom
Simply because of their anatomy?
I don't believe in quitting
Because how is anyone supposed to learn
If we just allow
Giving up on hopes, dreams, goals
Simply because, "it's too hard"?
And yet we make life a cage
Too small even for a canary
Choking ourselves with regulations
And stereotypes
Striking fear into our own hearts
We live in the land of *******
Where we claim
We can be whatever we want to be
And do anything we set our minds to
Yet here we are
Not much further along in our
Backwards thoughts
That originated pre oppression
Amd long before we boarded the Mayflower
Samm Marie Aug 2016
I want to be picked up in
One of his cars
Preferably the Chevy truck
With a smile 'cross his mug
Saying how long he's been waiting to see me
Even though it's only been a few hours
I want butterflies to destroy my stomach
And I want him to take my hand
As he drives like it's always been that way
I want to go to his favorite restaurant
And let him order for me
Because he knows what's good and what I like
I want him to look up at me while we're eating
And tell me there's something
Right...
Right...
There and kiss me
Not passionately, just a peck
I want him to take my hand confidently
Then open my side door and kiss me again
I want him to drive aimlessly for miles
Throw the car in "park" randomly
Lean over, tossing his seatbelt to his door
And kiss me over and over and over
Until our lips are entirely beestung
I want him to take me to the movies
And allow me to watch the film
Clasping my hand through its entirety
I want him to walk me out of the theaters
Pick me up and spin me around
Making me feel like a girl
I want him to stop some place sketchy
But with a florist around the corner
I want him to kiss me again
Before he gets out and locks all the doors so I'm safe
I want him to come back with a bouquet
Of red tulips with a note that reads:
"See, I remembered"
I want him to tell me he loves me
I want him to grin while I sob lightly
Then gently kiss my tears away
Tenderly wiping them from the planes of my face
I want you to feel proud and know my love
I want you to drive me home
Holding my hand the whole way there
314 · Aug 2017
Loose Ends IX
Samm Marie Aug 2017
5AM Wake Up grab the workout clothes, ***, drink water
505AM Meditate inhale...2...3...exhale...2...3...repeat
520AM Run like you've never run before like you're getting away from him
540AM Shower the colder the better inhale...4...5...exhale...4...5...
6AM Breakfast gotta eat something anorexia won't fix anything
615AM Read inhale...6...7...exhale...6...7...repeat
625AM Leave it's only school you like school
730AM School just a few hours of bliss inhale...8...9...exhale...8...9...
230PM Homework 20 minutes a subject, a day minimum
3PM Snack remember to drink more water don't throw it up
430PM Run run harder remember to breathe
5PM Shower it's okay to be a little warm tears can fall here
630PM Dinner you know the time shifts eat up
7PM America's Favorite Hour work your mind give your heart a pause
8PM Bedtime ***, brush teeth, more water
10PM Fall asleep the insomnia is hard *the depression is worse
I know that there are a lot of good habits in here, I also know that the italicized is also a bit worrisome and bad. This is my current state of being. I'm working on becoming better
312 · Nov 2016
How Sincerely Unfortunate
Samm Marie Nov 2016
She was told
Only she controls her heart
No one can take that away
Always choose love
Never choose hate
Always choose kindness
Never choose mean-spiritedness
She was told
Only she controls her thoughts
No one can take that away
Always think positively
Never look down upon others
Always be uplifting
Never take what isn't yours
What she wasn't told
Was that these thoughts
These morals
Were not her own
And therefore contradicted everything
Her mother raised her to believe
She chose love
She chose kindness
She choose optimism
She even chose happiness
But she didn't choose the consequences
Of ending up heartbroken
Bullied
Ridiculed
She just wanted to make the world
Better
And it tore her apart
311 · Sep 2016
An Important Note
Samm Marie Sep 2016
What happens behind closed doors
Can still be heard
Through open windows
311 · Apr 2016
I Have A Question
Samm Marie Apr 2016
I have a question
I promise just one
But in order to ask it
I need you think
Of life without hope
Of hope without life
I need you to remember
The worst thing to have ever
Happened to you
And then the best
I need you to reflect on
All your broken heartedness
And on all the hearts you broke
I need you to know where
You are right now
And where you want to be
I need you to believe
That everything you want
Is attainable
And that everything that
Has happened before
Needed to happen
I need you to dream
Up every beautiful possibility
There is in the world
And not imagine
Every bad one
So my question now is this:
Is throwing away
Your life to that blade,
That noose,
That bottle,
Really worth it?
Because I believe it
Isn't
310 · May 2016
28
Samm Marie May 2016
28
I'm healing
I'm healing
And I'm dying
I'm dying
It's 28 days later
Four weeks
28 days
I was choking
I was choking
On tears that would
Not cease their constant flow
But I'm breathing
I'm breathing
But just barely
I can't help but have feelings
They don't go away
They don't go away
It's been four weeks
28 days
I'm healing
I'm healing
309 · Jul 2016
My Very Own Funeral
Samm Marie Jul 2016
I'm here to make ashes
In my candy cane attire
Samm Marie Feb 2017
I am drowning in the humdrum of everyday life
Wishing I could be sitting with you on the edge of Italy
Looking out at the Adriatic Sea
But alas, I am here, paying for the life you left behind
And you are there soaking in rays and drinking red wine
I wish you hadn't left me for there
The least you could have done was paid for the airfare
I think that these bills distract me from the real problem at hand
If I really loved you, wouldn't I have left this land
This land of mundane life and of great exhaust
For something more extraordinary, something less taut
But then I remember that we weren't meant to be at all
Simply because we couldn't any longer stall
Now I remember why I said no to becoming your wife
307 · Jul 2016
Pandora's Box
Samm Marie Jul 2016
When everything else "good" left
Hope remained throughout the chaos
306 · Jun 2017
Loose Ends III
Samm Marie Jun 2017
There is nothing
Like realizing how much
You have left to do
To help you realize
How many opportunities
Life is giving you
To live
304 · Jul 2016
Glass of Water
Samm Marie Jul 2016
As I watch the water in this glass
Sitting still on the coffee table
I think back to that day on the lake
When the water stood still
And the sun sank on fire
On the rocky beach where we sat
I, in my sundress,
You, in your board shorts and sliders
Which now makes me smile
With disgust at my youthful naivety
And sorrow for your advantageous attitude
That I know has gotten you in dark places
As I watch the unwavering solidity
Of the mahogany table
And its stains and grains and knots
I am reminded of
That long cold winter when the power
Was nonexistent for almost a week
And the snowbanks raised above
My front door
And how devastated you were that you could not visit
I consider myself lucky for those days
As I stare at these bruised wrists
Full of memories and unfortunate mishaps
I can't help but to be moved
And scared at the possibility of relapsing
Into that dark wormhole of depression
Seemingly impossible to escape
As I stare at this glass full of water
Still as stone on my table
I feel a single tear roll down my throat
For I am flooded with memories
And feelings galore
This glass of motionless water
Floods me with life
Samm Marie Apr 2017
She left and so did all the stress
He came back, the feelings haven't yet
     (They're probably on the way)
I'm better than ever
Organized
Stress-free (well, close enough)
Interview soon to happen
Enjoying all the little things
Because life is too **** to not search for every sparkle
301 · Jul 2016
Why Do You Use Girls
Samm Marie Jul 2016
As a boost of self-esteem
When you avoid being him?
301 · Feb 2016
Luck Found in Music
Samm Marie Feb 2016
It's a funny, silly, trivial thing
The love of language
And so-called "Instagram etiquette"
The way he uses commas,
Parentheses,
(And semi-colons);
It's marvelous!
I'm a peculiar underclassman
With my **** ways of grammar
He uses full sentences!!
There's a subject, a verb,
A conjunction,
As well as punctuation
I don't know much about him
But it's only been four days
As far as I can tell
He's a beautiful creature
Alluring and tantalizing
Knowledgeable and vocal
Chorally inclined
O! this potential boy of mine
Looking back on this one I kinda hate it
Samm Marie May 2017
You both have such beautiful minds
Beautiful hearts
Beautiful souls
Sweet Eleanor and wondrous Ezra
Everytime my visitation is granted
You are lights in my world
And you open my eyes
Remember these words that I have for you

Never stop loving fearlessly
Because once you do, the world has won
Fight like the princess and prince you are
Only you can choose your kindnesses
Speaking of which,
Always always choose kindness
There is never reason not to
If I catch you being even a little bit mean
You can be assured I will be talking for hours
Please know that time is not money
Time is love
Spend your time on family and friends
The rest will fall in place eventually

But above all else
*Never stop searching for the beautiful in each day
Samm Marie Apr 2017
If I could turn back the hands of time
And have the ability to reclaim you
I wouldn't
Not in a million billion years
Because everything happens for a reason
And I believe there is nothing that
Could make anything better
If not for then I wouldn't be where I am now
And neither would you
I'd be okay with just friends
Because to tell the truth
I only "love" you when I'm sad these days
Back then I loved you always
But not now
Now I am better
I am stronger
If I could turn back time
I'd be weaker.

Now why the hell would I do that to myself?
298 · Feb 2023
Another Plane of Existing
Samm Marie Feb 2023
I mourn the life I'll never live
Samm Marie Mar 2018
Every time I see a new message from him
He's hurt me far too many times
And he always leaves me broken
We keep growing
And surviving
And yet we always run right back to one another
I don't want a relationship with him
I looked my kid in the eye and told her
"I wouldn't"
When she asked if I'd give Cole
A million more opportunities if
He came running back and apologized
Telling me I'm the only girl he's ever loved
And I hope I meant it
Because he's gone and done it
I miss him a lot these days
But we all know he isn't good for me
And there's Evan! Evan,
The man that without fail makes me laugh
And smile
And encourages me to grow
I don't feel weight when I talk to Evan
But this history with Cole is too much to ignore
.
.
.
I think I need to date myself for a while
296 · Jul 2016
I Want A Love Story
Samm Marie Jul 2016
I just want to know
That it's right by that
Feeling in my stomach
And I want it to be magical
Not stereotypically per se
But magical for me
And for her or for him
Because love is love
No matters what's in the pants
I want a love story
Not right now
But soon
I have always dreamed
Of having a high school sweetheart
And it could've been possible
If he wasn't abusive
If I noticed what she was trying to say
Or if he wasn't two-timing
I wonder if she knows
I digress
I want romantic
Like every girl deep down
I just want real love
But I want flings now
295 · Mar 2022
Cracked Rosé
Samm Marie Mar 2022
My heart longs for the fantasy I once believed in
295 · Aug 2017
Right Through the Slippers
Samm Marie Aug 2017
Adali offered Father’s stranger more wine.
We all knew he’d accept.
On our way to the woods though,
Someone stepped upon my dress.
“Oh Yseult,”
Conradine cried.
“Stop imagining things”
They didn’t think I was right.
The trees were beautiful every time
We walked the paths by the midnight moon.
The first was silver,
The second gold,
But we all loved diamonds the most.
Again I could feel someone following:
The trees never made a sound.
“Oh Yseult,”
Ediline hushed.
“You really are too old for these games.”
They didn’t think I was right.
I tugged on Galiana’s left glove-
We’d always been close-
Thinking she’d believe me this once.
But the boys in the boats were too tempting for us.
I told Oskar there was something wrong,
The boat was too heavy for him to row.
“Oh Yseult,”
Irmuska gasped.
“You didn’t even eat today!”
They didn’t think I was right.
Within minutes we arrived
At our sanctuary, our dancing hall.
We laced up our shoes
But I watched the boat groan and rock.
“Oh Yseult,”
Katchen teased.
“That’s just the tide pulling it in.”
They didn’t think I was right.
Hours passed as I danced
With my Oskar.
However, the sinking feeling
We’d been caught lingered.
“Oh Yseult,”
Magnild snorted.
“Your delusioning is quite perturbing.”
They didn’t think I was right.
Oskar took me away
To the side of the room.
He knew my shoes had worn straight through.
I watched out the corner of my eye
A golden chalice float away.
“Oh Yseult,”
Otylia reprimanded.
“Your childish ways are far too much!”
They didn’t think I was right.
The brothers rowed me
And my sisters back home.
Kissing us each goodnight,
They returned to their boats
Thinking we’d see them tomorrow.
I heard a creaking sound behind us.
Once again I tried to warn them.
“Oh Yseult,”
Rille rolled her beautiful eyes.
“Please stop being stupid for once.”
They didn’t think I was right.
We returned to our bedroom
Without further commotion.
When we arrived though
Our secret door would not close.
“Oh Yseult,”
Tieran chided.
“I know you’re youngest, but you can’t be that weak.”
They didn’t think I was right.
Father’s stranger was right in his bed
Snoring loud as inhumanly possible.
I knew it couldn’t be real
So I tried to reason with my sister’s again.
“Oh Yseult,”
Viheke yawned.
“Go to sleep now, you’re far too tired.”
They didn’t think I was right.
When the morning arrived
Father threw open our door.
The anger and happiness
Flowed from him moronically.
In his left hand were branches
Silver, gold, and diamond.
In his right
Was Oskar’s chalice.
Behind him was Father’s stranger
Smug and pleased.
He requested Adali’s hand in marriage,
Just as Father promised.
“Oh Yseult,”
My eleven sisters cried in unison.
“We should have listened!”
They didn’t think I was right.
This is my variation on The Twelve Dancing Princesses. It was a German fairytale so all the names are German. In the story, there are 12 sisters, each prettier than the last. Every day they are exhausted and their dancing slippers are worn out. Their father questions them but they refuse to answer. He instead declares that he will give his kingdom and daughters to the first person who can figure out the mystery. Each participant only has 3 days to solve the puzzle and faces death if he fails. One day a soldier comes. He has been given a cloak by an old woman in the forest. It will make him invisible. She also warns him not to eat or drink anything the princesses offer. He discovers that the princesses sneak out each night to meet with 12 princes and they dance the night away until they've worn out their slippers. He collects each of the items I used in the poem as evidence. The morning after the third night he approaches the king with his evidence. He is given one princess and becomes heir to the kingdom. The princesses are cursed for their disobedience.
294 · Jul 2016
Listen, Hear
Samm Marie Jul 2016
We're all good guys
We just do not-so-good guy things
294 · Aug 2016
Heart Brake
Samm Marie Aug 2016
You have got to stop
Rushing head first into every little spark
Because sometimes they don't exist
And even when they do
You always end up hurt
I know you don't want to hear this
But just listen
Pull up the emergency brake
The next time you think about falling in love
Because that in itself is wrong
Completely, utterly, ridiculous
You shouldn't be thinking about falling in love
You seem to mistake the gas pedal
For the floor brake
You don't cohesively use left and right
It's like you don't know they could work together
So I am begging you
If you aren't going to use the full power of braking
Taking a heart recess
Then act like you are just beginning
Be terrified and brave
Gently press the gas
Not to hard
And if you start speeding
I'm go to pull your heart's emergency brake
Because whiplash in love
Is awful
Concessive hearts don't beat right
And a broken heart is always caused by
A heart not braking
293 · Sep 2017
When...
Samm Marie Sep 2017
...did we become so hyper-focused
On hatred and negativity
.
.
.
Rather than loving everyone
And everything
So whole-heartedly?
293 · Jul 2016
What Am I Supposed To Do
Samm Marie Jul 2016
When all you keep doing
Is haunting my every memory?
292 · Mar 2016
Perhaps
Samm Marie Mar 2016
I August I believed
I had finally found
Love

I hadn't though
But that's okay
15 March 2015
291 · May 2016
Memories
Samm Marie May 2016
Memories are dangerous weapons that cause their users to bleed
290 · Dec 2016
Hallelujah
Samm Marie Dec 2016
And I said
Let no man break my heart without consent
And so it was
290 · Dec 2016
Grandmother Bovine Says #2
Samm Marie Dec 2016
If a boy says "I love you"
He's probably an *******
288 · Aug 2016
To Date A Poet
Samm Marie Aug 2016
We're emotional hard hitters
We'll knock you out of the park
We bleed words
And breathe rhythm
Our hearts pulse rapidly
And we're sure to write a poem
Or collection of poems
Just for you
We will tear apart the world for you
We will paint you the universe
But when it's over
We'll cry rivers of ink
And bleed puddles of tears
Because there's no greater love
Than that of a poet
Samm Marie Jul 2016
Blue for stereotypical sadness
Red for passionate
Purple for bravery
And emerald for envious
Periwinkle for timid
Burgundy for romantic
Yellow for content
Black for suicidal
Grey for the never ending depression
Orange for elated and high
But in all honesty
My heart has no color
It's just a prism
Refracting my uncontrollable emotions
288 · Jul 2022
Untitled
Samm Marie Jul 2022
Can a heart break when it's already shattered?
Is that why this pain is different
288 · Jul 2016
Centered Words
Samm Marie Jul 2016
Are supposed to be words
You can always undeniably trust
287 · Jul 2017
I Am Impatient
Samm Marie Jul 2017
I want instant results
With minimal work
But I know that is ridiculous
I might be impatient
And perhaps as some would dare say
"Stupid"
But I know how to get **** done
I have a plan for everything
And sometimes it doesn't work
But I am strong
I will get my desired results eventually
And ******* if you don't believe me
287 · Jul 2016
In the "Nick" of Time
Samm Marie Jul 2016
Once upon a time
In the fairest land
Of New Jersey
At a royal wedding
The now royal niece met
The hired photo booth runner
And his name was Nick
Now Nick did not know what was occurring
He thought she loved cameras
She went with her sister and grandmother
Then just her grandmother
Then only her sister
He friend would contact her
On the fanciest slide phone
And to avoid looking rude
She'd stand next to the table
Right near the booth
Finally with her brother
She talked and he talked
They laughed and joked
About how she should get him fired
For interacting with clients
As it was forbidden
He claimed he would travel
Across the country
To the kingdom
Of Washington
For her wedding in a year or so
She chuckled covertly
Revealing her age
Only to find he was twenty
He thought it was funny
And called her cute
So she gave her phone number away
When really she should've have gone
With her Instagram name
Near the end of the event
She invited him to the dance floor
For the most regal song of all
"Don't Stop Believing"
After those five minutes she assisted him
In the packing of his equipment
And they parted ways
Never to speak again
Both leaving
Dumbly happy
The End
286 · Jul 2016
Your Right Forearm Reads
Samm Marie Jul 2016
Remember
But your bicep says
Forget
Your clavicle says
Love
But *hate
says your
Chest
Your left bicep reads
Happy
But your forearm needs the reminder
Stop
Your thighs are gardens of beautiful
Butterflies
Your back says you're in need of
Grace
But on the inside where only you can see
Your heart says
*Help
285 · Jul 2016
Pressed
Samm Marie Jul 2016
Down to the very last
Ounce of happiness
And sadness
I am me
And no one can take
That away from
My being
I am me
A ******* diamond
No one can take that
Away from me
No matter how hard
I am
Pressed
285 · Jul 2016
Think About It
Samm Marie Jul 2016
It's a breath of fresh air
It's the dash between two numbers
It's the wind in your hair
It's sadness
It's light
It's painful
It's beautiful
It's love
It's hate
It's that fuzzy feeling of nostalgia at holidays
It's that moment of despair in your first accident
It's everywhere
It's not about how long you were a participant
It's about how you dealt with everything it threw at you
It's standing up for yourself and saying no
It's throwing the bottle away
It's falling and letting yourself down
But then it's lessons learned
What I'm simply referring to is
This weird amazing thing called
Life
Think about it
283 · Sep 2016
Finding Myself
Samm Marie Sep 2016
Is much more difficult than I imagined
I thought I could just look in a mirror
But when I did that
I just saw all the people I have ever known
It was horrifying
I saw the memories eating at my face
Pulling my skin apart
Like ribbon
I saw them placing their own characteristics
In place of mine
If that's who I am them I'm ready for change
I know there is more to me in this world
Than memories and reflections
So I went to the river
I dipped my toes in as the storm approached
And the current pulled me under
I fought with all I had
But I can't swim
Instead I choked on those particles of lies
That had started to create me
Blackness swelled in my vision which was almost non-existent to begin
When I could see again
I was on the bank of the river just a half mile from where I had been
But that's the thing
I travelled that half mile
And I survived
The facades built did not
282 · Oct 2017
This I Know Is True
Samm Marie Oct 2017
The world stands
Still so that our
Responses will
Propel us forward
281 · May 2016
Fill My Heart Not My Head
Samm Marie May 2016
I am so sick and tired
Of everyone trying to fill me with reason
And logic that has no meaning
I'm so done with
The insane attempts to flood
Me with thoughts that are
Not my own
Why don't you try to
Make me feel differently about
This ****** world
Through actions
Because your words are just
Letters slammed down your throat
And into your mind
You are a doll to society
But you can change that
Let's fill hearts with emotions
And rid everyone of the parasitic thoughts
Crammed into our heads
280 · Jul 2016
I Am
Samm Marie Jul 2016
Sophisticated
Addition
Miraculous
Arrogant
Never-ending excitement
Time obsessive
Happy-ish
Assertive

Messy
Altruistic
Realistic actor
Imaginative
Endearing

Mirror of mother
Obsessive
Obstacle
Rainbow
Excessively enthusiastic
278 · Apr 2016
Fragility (10W)
Samm Marie Apr 2016
Hold my hand for my heart is far too fragile
277 · Jul 2016
The Visit
Samm Marie Jul 2016
My cousins sometimes
Need an escape
From their hellacious
Lives
276 · Jul 2016
No Reply
Samm Marie Jul 2016
I tell you I need you
But you couldn't care less
276 · Aug 2016
If You Loved Me
Samm Marie Aug 2016
You would be standing here
Laying here beside me
Making sure I have enough blanket
Making sure the windows are cracked
If you loved me
You would be butterfly kissing my nose
Holding me in your muscular arms
Praying my illnesses would go away
If you loved me
You wouldn't have left
275 · Jul 2016
Because I Damn Well Said So
Samm Marie Jul 2016
You can't walk on me
Ever again in this world
And you stand there dumbfounded
Wondering what the hell it is I'm doing
You can't infer by my ****
All packed up on the sidewalk
And the tears staining my already ***** face
Because you don't care
I could have really loved you
But you never cared
Until you realized
Just now that
I am done being hurt
By you
Samm Marie Jul 2016
You cannot haunt me anymore
You threw me away
I ran back
You threw me away
I ran back
You threw me away
I ran back
You threw me away
You ran back
I threw you away
I told myself I was done with you
That I didn't need that abuse
That I didn't need you
But then I thought I did
So I ran back
Oh **** was she ******
And I was ****** at me too
After all I went to someone
Who has done nothing but hurt me
Searching for solace
Then I threw you away
I deleted you altogether
But there's still times when I hear that
******* song
And I can't help but cry
There are times when I see a car
That looks just like yours
And I can't help but wonder
This isn't a love poem by any means
You're the one thing I hate
But you're a ghost of my past
I thought I had dropped
Yet find myself still hanging on
Why the **** won't you leave
Me alone
You don't care
And I don't want you
So if your God is real
May He grant me some solace
And rid you from my mind
Because for the last time in forever
Will the ghost of you
And your false declarations of love
Haunt my ****** up as it is
Soul

Hopefully
Bailey if you read this know that I don't want him anywhere in my life but sometimes it's VERY difficult to forget.
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