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You see that girl? She looks so happy right? Telling jokes, smiling, having a fun time and
Dying inside, she’s hurt, broken and tired.
Tired of all the drama, tired of not feeling good enough
Done with life. But she doesn’t want to look dramatic, weak, and attention seeking
So she keeps it all inside, acts like everything is perfect but cries at night,
So everybody thinks that she’s the happiest person they know
That she has no problems and her life is perfect
If they only knew the truth
The painkillers in my pocket rattle
with each step
toward the unreachable moon
in strange harmony
with the untainted snow
crunching
beneath my feet.

Two or three
aren't enough to numb me
anymore,
no longer enough
to shut my brain off
for a little bit...
to quiet these thoughts
that stalk me
and whisper
how no one would find me
if I just lay here
on this nameless road
with a mouth full of pills,
face to the stars,
and die in the arms
of a snow angel
who'll carry me away to a heaven
I only believe in when I'm high.

I squeeze the bottle in my pocket
almost to the point of crushing it
as I turn away from the wind
and look back at the light of
my grandpa's cottage
drawing my attention
away from my midnight daydream
and the moon
that hangs like a sliver bullet
stained with the blood of monsters
from my mind.

How many times
have I walked this path high
praying to God's gleaming eye
for death,
as it winks slowly
with darkness
as if indicating something
beyond my comprehension...

All I know is
the cottage is warm
and I should go back.
  Jan 2015 maybe one more day
Sam Ciel
There's this thing in life
This thing that we call love
It transcends gender, age, ethnicity,
All of the above.

Love is a beautiful thing
Not too unlike a rose
As roses have thorns, and thorns can sting
As love often does.

Love is a painful thing
A blade across your wrists.
Words never spoken,
Agonizing bliss.

Love is a curiosity
An enigma, misunderstood.
Three small words, yet also large
Do you really think they could?

They can, and have, and will again
And so will you, sweet dove.
You'll mend your broken wing
And soar on skies of love.

For love, despite it's quandaries
In all it's highs and lows,
Is something meant for all of us
To receive, and to show.

And if you think
No one loves me,
I say think again!

For in these words
Inevitably
You've found yourself a friend.
Love is more than what we see, what we do, what we touch. Love is who we care about, in any way, shape, or form. Love is something everyone understands, the language that transcends tongue.

Many people, many, kind, and caring people experience hurt and loss, but never forget, you aren't alone.
You're never alone.

There's always someone out there waiting to love you.
Willing to love you.

To the outcasts, to the freaks, to the people who write as I do, as an escape, as a form of therapy, because they don't know what else to do, and to everyone few and far between;
**You are loved.**

©Sam Ciel
My love for you was bullet proof but you’re the one that shot me
My head hurts and maybe it’s from all the coffee I've been drinking to keep me awake because all I see when I shut my eyes are yours
Hey little fighter please drop your handy lighter now give me your razors and lift up your sleeves
Your scars will stay, but your buries will soon fade away
Now eat baby your mean something to me, so take it in, take it in and breathe
Know things will get better because angel even in this gloomy weather it can’t rain forever
Hey I just wanted to tell you, you’re my everything, you’re my world, you’re the apple of my eye, you’re perfect, I swear god made you just for me, I’m glad that your by my side every day, baby you’re like a drug, I need you more then you need me, you’re like my life support
you’re the reason why I’m still alive, your beautiful in every way, more I know about you more beautiful you get, if talking to you makes me heart race, then I don’t know what will happen when I see you face to face I don’t know how to tell you how much I love you because my love for you can’t be shown so listen baby girl your everything to me and I love you just the way you are <3
yes im lesbian and yes im proud so keep your mean thoughts to yourself please and thank you
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