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Sam Ciel Dec 2019

I hate the phrase "getting over you"
Because that's not quite what I want to do
It implies that you are an obstacle to be overcome
As if it is possible not to succumb
To the proof of the truth that I'm struggling to live without

The evidence is everywhere
Even when I'm trying not to look
Whenever I try not to care
It's like opening a book
That I've read ten thousand times
And still pretend not to know the words to

And whenever I decide to give it thought
To figure out this puzzleknot
Of complex feelings in my brain
Of relief confusion sadness pain
I just remember I was never a scout
And I **** at tying knots
So I'm not sure that I've got the right tools for this job
Or what they even are

There's a beauty in the chaos
And we can appreciate the overwhelmed
Anger is clutched in the fist of relief
Clarity in the mist of confusion
Sadness is walking alongside the grief
And there's pain in every happy protusion

Every curve of the puzzleknot
Is composed of both the "haves" and "nots"
And abandoning a single twist
Would mean abandoning the entire lot

Which I'm not going to do.

have one without the other
But perspective here is key
If you begin to unwind one
You undo another three

From the highest mountains you can see the majesty below
And from the darkest valleys there's only one way you can go
And either one
exist without the other's view
But the promise of a change in scenery
Is one that I hold to.

So I'll take my puzzleknot
And put in on a shelf
And every time I look at it
I'll just remind myself

That even though I know the story
Know the twists and turns
Every single crooked glory
Is something I have earned.

Living in the space between
And acknowledging the truth
There's no being us
or loving me,
Without me loving you.

The next mountain looks a lot closer than I thought it was before. And I'll happily help you get to the top, even if at the end of it all, we're looking at different views.

No matter what we become I'll always cherish what we were.

Keep writing.
Sam Ciel Dec 2019

Heartbreak isn't easy
When there's nobody to blame
No malice spite or jealousy
To hide beneath your shame

Just four irreverent hands
Reaching out at remnant strands
Of exactly what might have been
While trying to displace what was
So that they can at least stay near each other
Not fear each other
And the infinite possibilities in one another's arms
That sweet siren's song will do more harm than good
If either one of them should
Surrender to that impulse
And let wandering eyes do more than dream
Let irreverent hands grab those seams
And unravel the tapestry of
"What ifs"
"We coulds"
Never stopping for "buts" or "shoulds"
Should we really continue on like this
Dancing with the devil two steps from bliss
I'm not worried about what we'll do
I'm worried about how I'll think of you
And my two left feet

To complete this metaphor
I'm worried that if you want more
And can dance the devil's crooked tune
Swinging partners under moonlight
Keeping rhythm and hope in time
One in heart and one in mind
That I simply can't keep up

While I'm suspended in that dip
Supported by your fingertips
What if your partner takes your hand
And never lets it go again

Heartbreak isn't easy
When there's nobody to blame
So forgive me if I choose not to dance
This dangerous refrain
Three people dancing
Three different tunes
Is a good way to step on some feet.

And I don't want any of us getting hurt again.

Keep writing.
Sam Ciel Dec 2019

Let me get these words in ink
So that maybe I won't think
of them any longer. My mind can wander
no more preponderance on you
you see
memory is fleeting
and mine flows swift
but words don't stop repeating
so long as you keep reading

Keep reading them
and kneading them
work them over like paltry dough
sculpting faces you don't know
what shape they'll take just the ones they took
work them rough and don't look
only forward

forwards to the future
where lightning lips don't strike like thunder
where maelstrom eyes can't pull you under
to a future where you
can simply float

a boat atop a quiet sea
where love gets lost in foam
and all that's left atop the ship
is a heart without a home
A poem a day to keep the pain away. If I put my thoughts on paper, I can come back to them later.

Keep writing.
Sam Ciel Dec 2019
Twilight fire
Burning bright
Dancing in the winter light
Keep us warm and bring us night
And carry us to Spring
Everything in its season.

Keep writing.
Sam Ciel Dec 2019

My heart
Is breaking
But it can be repaired

My soul
Is weeping
For all the times we shared

My mind
Is shaking
Now that we are done


My life
Will still
Go on

And maybe one day
When the skies aren't grey
And we've gone our ways
And the darkness fades

Maybe one day when my heart beats new
And my soul sings too,
And my mind is fine
That's when I'll meet you.

Maybe one day
Maybe one day
Maybe one day
We'll meet
No edits.

Keep writing.
Sam Ciel Dec 2019
Swimming in memories
Four minutes old
Trying to rewind to
Find the time for all the times I told

That I would never find true love
Never thought there'd be two loves
Two sets of hands that fit like gloves

Two seperate sets with unique functionalities
Fit the hands perfectly splitting rationalities
From fears

The mind
The heart

Working in tandem
To slowly tear themselves apart


Love is like a flower
Grow it with some watering
And try not to shower it


Step two

Too much love and it'll drown
With some time you'll know the why and how to
Spread that love around

Step Three

Your single bud's turned into more bouquets
And suddenly your love has grown in many subtle different ways

Step Four

Always wear the gloves when you go  gardening
Pray that if you ***** your hands
That you won't feel a ****** thing

Step Five

Don't be afraid to fall
Don't be afraid to lose it all
You love and live recklessly
So why would more love
Change a thing?
So long and farewell.
Bittersweet bliss and a few nights of tears ahead.

Keep writing.

Sam Ciel Nov 2019
"Can I introduce you
As someone I'm dating?"

Simply, yes.
More complex:
Shout it from the rooftops
With the power of a hurricane
Gale winds echoing
And carrying my heart's refrain

Let it loose like lightning,
Flowing freely from your lips
Electric currents riveting
And pulsing through our fingertips

Tell the world with thunder
A heavy crash they can't ignore
Sonic forces rippling
And tearing forwards wanting more

Rain it down like hailstones
Bludgeon them until they break
Bruise the words into their skin
Let them make no mistake

Are a force of nature

And I could never say no.
You said you like to feel powerful.
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