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Helen Aug 2015
no words could describe
her thoughts
no colours could paint
her pain
silently
she stood
beneath
the colourless
rain
Helen Aug 2015
As my frontal lobe articulates
from the anterior, just under
my forehead, I understand
why sweat beaded upon my
upper lip and my eyes bled

Spilling words onto a sheet
of paper, ink stains shaped
like a swarm of angry bees.
Crisping like raisins too long
in the sun, angling on a hook
that captures May like a
golden sunset dying on a breeze

Messages in Cherry Red reflecting
on the mirror to be read back after
an intoxicating night. Never would
the words remain in the steam of
a quiet shower that washes away
remnants of sorrow or a quaking
knowledge that what the lipstick
says just might happen to be right

A table set for twenty six as only
one will attend to partake of seven
courses of molasses and fake hope
Pacing up and down, rearranging
the letters in a potion of epic…ness
that can only come from plucking
consonants from a burning lava,
scraping the bottom of the barrel
for a vowel in the Alphagetti soup

There is the napkin I blew my nose
into which only had a phone number
on it. It turned into 8 reasons why
I would never bother to call
And there is the corner of my duvet
that I dribbled on but the pattern
resembled all my shattered dreams
that poured out of my mouth while
sleeping and became my greatest fall

Here is the ultrasound that has a few
words that sum up what the world
means to me and a picture of our daughter
This is the 15 scraps of paper that you
wrote 15 different lines of love to me
and they are all in the box, being loved
just as everything else ought to.

There are books and printouts and bits
of cardboard and a piece of driftwood
that I used to scratch a few words in
with a rock along with the photo of
the words written inside a heart on a
beach that was one thousand kilometers
away from you but I was there and
you were not.

There is 3.4 gig on a computer and
a gazillion that are frothing inside a
compartment that is internalized and labeled
Someday To Be Said. No matter where or
how or why or now or latter on paper or
engraved in rock on a elaborately carved stone
or chasing their own tails in their own head
Folded like a paper plane and launched
into a rabid universe words will land where
they will, dressed as they are, happy the party
is still in full swing. They don’t wonder
if the landing is soft, they fall, and then
they become still.

**Happy Landing
so.... I found this old usb in a draw, full of my poetry... old poem, circa 2011, new name :)
  Aug 2015 Helen
K Balachandran
Her loneliness wears maroon,
                 I am aware," to her yin, my yang,"
mine in deep purple echoes,
                the density that's her, in my presence.
On an island of her own, she sojourns,
                 where there is comfortable room for two.
A happy recluse she is, ruminating,
                 diving deeper in to the sea of consciousness.
What does it really mean?
                  we are wound around a "KOAN", working on it,
wouldn't stop to think,  I flow
                    with the insistent gravitas of the current,
Through her the dense silence speaks,
                     in voices clear,  heard within me.
all beyond words, and in a far more
                     subtle plane, than this existence.
Koan--aparadox to be meditated up on
(C) K.Balachandran(balaprimus@gmail.com)
Helen Aug 2015
chatting to a friend
ten thousand regrets
licking my skin
we shared our problems
each message ended
upon a sigh
sitting in my solitude
with just my thoughts
reality so ready to intrude
I am forced
to once again
simply try
so I pictured us together
saw the rip down the middle
a chance photo taken
in stormy weather
it was raining that day
yet, my answer
will never lie
You asked me in huskiness
Do you believe in loneliness?
Could this be forever your
first/last best kiss?

then he looked me in the eye
took my lips beneath a sigh
I praised God, for the first time,
for,
there go I
  Aug 2015 Helen
Mysterious Aries
Indeed, I love her!
But can't muster enough nerve
I had rehearse those lines
But as if someone tied my tongue

Afraid of venom of pain
Afraid to be stung
Better to hide it this way
Regret is more painful at the end

She was so alluring
A beauty that could only be mine in a dream
She was every of my fantasies
But how can I charm her
Everything about me was so simple
While she was extra-ordinary

I must act now...

Then I lied...

I told her I am a prince
That I owned the stars
But I saw her shaking her head
She was nothing compared the sun
She was nothing compared to the blue sky
I lost my self control

I began grasping her
Kissing her torridly
Even though a lot of people witnessed what I was doing
Little do I care
I want her badly, crazily...

And then laughter
everywhere....

Indeed people saw me grasping and  kissing someone
Someone in their eyes...
Was only a tree...

written: July 4, 2014
mysterious aries
My Schizophrenia Poem #4
Helen Aug 2015
it's chilly tonight
the kids are sleeping
I came home late from work
you questioned the hours
I'm keeping
so I sit alone
outside, where I like to hide
you went to bed hours ago
alone in the space
where we divide
I'm going to come to you
after just one more drink
and a little pep talk to myself
I hope, I think,
you'll be asleep
and the awkward conversation
that's rotting on the beach
with each low tide
Is something we can
look forward to
tomorrow
when I've borrowed
some more pride
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