WHY
Because I'm happy. I'm very happy.
WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
Because my dear we're happy!
My love, we don't need to do this anymore. We don't have to feel this way.

You're afraid aren't you.
Yes my love, afraid you're going to do something I'll regret.
Whatever it is love. Stop.
But I'm lonely can't you see?
I'm happy. I'm going to make you happy too.
My love calm down.
Being calm is how we got into this mess dear.
Familiar shadows are closing in.
Why not greet them again?

This isn't you, these aren't our actions.
But it feels so good, it's the only way to get to normal.
SMILE. Like its the last day of your life.
My love, don't distance yourself anymore.
Stop hurting yourself.
****** traitorous ****.
I know my words seem to contradict but please know I want whats best for you my love.
It's only momentary you know, this emotion.
I feel so happy, happy, happy.
My smile that has been crafted by gods to make others happy, at this moment it is my misinterpreted pain.

Let her go
I want to take her hand, hold her close and slice her throat.
So this is how the desire, the need for revenge feels... indignant.
This is how you cry my love. We've been tortured so much, this is how we do it.
Smile. Laugh maniacally and terrify the masses. But don't twist yourself anymore my love.
I don't enjoy putting your snapped personality back together

Oh please. You're hurting too. You finally met a girl who could understand you, and she left.
I am designed, self made by taking mannerisms from others.
YOU CALL ME MY LOVE BECAUSE SHE DID ******!
And it's blatantly obvious, we're only speaking because you hate this.
You and me, we need someone to talk to but we have noone, so we settled for talking to ourselves.

My love.
Why are you comforting me.
Because you want me to my love.
Am I alone?
You've never been alone. I'm glad she's gone so we can talk. This needed to happen so I could make myself blatantly obvious to you.
I know you've always been there, I guess without anyone there's no point in keeping you locked away.
I love you so much.
As do I.
You'll never die alone as long as I'm here.

I meant to tell you...
if love is just a word then your thought is just an idea
you cant exist in my mind... that's just crazy
your voice wont haunt me.... that's just fear
every brown haired beauty looks like you from a distance
yet they don't fool my heart.... its just an *****
but it wont play at the wedding I wish came true
so this is what became of me... I hope your happy
not with sarcasm but full truth
Sorry I was a liar
If you could see me now id be ashamed
you made me so strong and I only broke
They say your happy and a mom.......
sweetie my love I wasn't worthy
As long as your happy nothing can hurt me....
Like a lifetime of kisses I cashed in for one foolish night...
I can honestly admit you were only always right
Jesters laugh at my follies now
Tears of a clown now makes more sense
Like the grass was not greener on the other side of the fence...
If I never stood in front of you disbelieving your beauty
how I never told you how your touch shot right through me
your smile could stop any feeling of pain
a voice so perfect could always drive me insane??
I meant to....

You didn’t tell me about farewell.
I had no idea
how much I could miss you
until missing you
was the only thing
I could do.

They say that Christmas is the hardest
Time of year for single people.
I still can’t get used to the single status.
The neighbors Christmas eve party
Is in full doldrums.
The party is kind of boringand God I miss her.
Then all changes in a single moment.
I see her standing next to me.
Stunning and sweet as she always was.
Beautiful but no longer my wife.
Her smile cuts my heart open
like a knife.
Hi how are you? she whispers.
I hope she cannot tell I am lying.
As I tell her I am fine and make up
some recent accomplishments.
My mind is locked on her figure
Her lips her hair.
I might as well be speaking
In a foreign language.
Words are falling like snowflakes
randomly In the wind.
I ask her how she has been
She frowns lightly.
There’s a hole in my life she said.
I fill up our glasses with wine.
Hope now raising in my heart
Like the wine filling my glass.
She tells a few happy stories
It’s weekend and a party
happy is a prerequisite.
We drink quicklyin an attempt
to fill our inner emptiness.
And suddenly its midnight
I hold her coat she slips
her arms into the sleeves.
Like we have done a thousand
times before.
I spin her to me we kiss softly.
I remember her and the hurt melts.
I fight back my dumb tears and
She comes back to my small flat
We make love the trapped
tears fall inside my eyes.
Then the warmth of her
floods my soul I am bipolar now.
Feeling over the moon.
I should have stayed on an
emotional carousel not jumped
onto the roller coaster.
I can’t hold it back
I spoil it all by saying
I love you honey.
So much
Please come back to me.
She stiffened slightly in my arms.
The close moment was lost.
We will see she whispers.
But I know.?I just know.
The house is silent I awaken
to the soft click of my door closing.
Her side of my bed is still warm.
Her perfume heady on her pillow.
I know my half healed heart
Will reopen the cuts she left before.
And I would bleed
like I did when she first left me.

I'm tired of feeling this way
The head aches won't go away
My emotions are out of check
Hell I'm crashing, human wreck
When it all hits you full force
And you blame the emotions
For your physical state
Do you assume this is it?
How you live from now on?
Has it all become chronic?

that feeling in the pit of your stomach as you raise your eyes to look at them, it's lethal

my love is like poison and the second upon exposure i'm left vulnerable but you're left affected forever, one step forward, a single blow to the lips and he has to open his eyes to see her face and remember this is real, she is real

it won't be movie love, it will be real love, and for that you must be warned - do not engage if you don't want after-*** cuddles and life contemplations, hot chocolate runs and holding hands without gloves since the heat from your hands are enough to warm the lack of oxygen reaching mine, late night laughter and cheesy dancing

do not engage if you don't want to let yourself fall in love, because it will happen slowly and if you realise when it's too late that you need to back out you need to know that like a bee who stings and dies, pushing me away from you after i've loved will cause me to be crippled not only by the weight of the falseness that i've been living in, but also the dense, crushing weight of my own love, of the letters and the kisses and the laughter

if you see me contemplate running after you when we say goodbye because i've always had a fear of departure, if you see my eyes light up when you walk into a room with an expression that can only be described as warmth and admiration, if you see my hand slowly make its way to yours in a desire to be held and comforted, if you see me love completely, depressingly, you need to stop me, because i'm warning you that if you don't i will get hurt and the pain of being locked out of my life forever will hurt you more in the months proceeding than it will hurt me as i learn to build myself up again for somebody else

you can fall in love with my lips, my humour, my dresses, my laughter, my smile, the emptiness of my eyes, the constant fear, the happiness when food comes, and anything else and everything else - but please, remember that it's lethal

it's lethal to love and to be loved, but it's the best poison i've ever really known