sometimes it’s piercing me how
people didn’t realize that
what they have easily are
invaluable luxury
something i can’t buy with money

oh if only
if only i’m in peace
with everything i have
value them as luxury
maybe my heart will finally be at ease

I don’t need more
I need what I’ve lost

I don’t want to climb higher
I want a quiet gentle pause

the uneasy effort results in clarity
that my start is still far below zero
and the dream is still far away to go

how do I tell myself
that the evil whispers aren’t true
that this is a milestone to celebrate
that hope will never disappear

to become my supporter
when I’m also the one carrying pain
I keep drowning
and keep shouting
“I love you”
“you’ve done well”

the nightmares start when I open my eyes
every morning my fears grow limitless
picturing my years to come in ruins
overcoming sprouts of hope I’ve been sowing

all I think is Mary
the pure was tested with slander
shaken a solid tree while in pain
kept silent when she needed to explain
said all she needs is trust
all she had was faith

it reminds me of gentleness
that had gone too long to remember
it reminds me of a lonely walk
in this dangerous unsafe world

it reminds me of an erased smile
grieves nobody wants to hear about
a long black cloak and i moved on
yet a never ending mourn

it reminds me of a faded love
and eyes that never satisfied
and i don’t want to be a flower
that wither when he loves another

how can i ever hate you
i was created to love you
(seems like i’m the one who loves more)

how can they say
i’m getting someone better than you
i’ve loved you for the rest of my life
and no one can ever replace you
(don’t know how i’ll ever heal this wound)

you were my reason to live
everything, me becoming a king
all was so i can come back to you
come back to you safely
(unscratched even if you scream at me)

and i want to slam everything to the floor
so i wouldn’t be the broken one alone
be it glass, crystal, or diamond
(all i want is you love)

tell me how to live like you’ve never been my home
because i endlessly miss you
reset my head like you’ve never existed
because i survived without you

you were my whole world
and you decided to tear my body apart

you were my fortress
and you left me drenched in a dark road

you were my definition of love
and your eyes said i better nonexisted