basil

Mar 2021

solana

i stand here
in this room of cement
dreaming to be on the outside.

though, this dream is mercurial.

i can see the outside, through the one thing in the room.
a stained glass window.

it's colors clashing and colliding, to form the most beautiful picture
and suddenly,

my dream doesn't seem as important.

as the light shines through, the colors coat the room with warmth and beauty.

i've only one thing keeping me from my dream

something so fragile and so elegant, yet has the strongest hold on me.

i've only one thing keeping me from my dream

and yet,

i can't bring myself to destroy it.

kinda proud of this ngl

#glass #unrequited #love #idk #maybe #im #*** #little #jealous

basil Mar 2021

the happy poem i wanted to read today

my smiles have been glowing and holding in my *****
so i wanted to read a pretty little sonnet
gasping and choking on laughter mottled by blood
the words come in tears, the poems in a flood
it's been ages since i cried, i was doing so well
but every sad poem brought back my screams of hell

my demons didn't go away, i just painted them gold
and i'd be fooling myself saying i had a hand to hold
life is a joke, who gives a ****?
it's just a mix of bad timing and luck
so i kept laughing and choking and holding my own hand
remembering some song from my new old favorite band

telling me love is a labor and to slave 'till the end
swinging life away with scars and a friend
so i didn't have to read a happy poem today
i just had to write one and send it your way
so smile with me, break open your face
'cause life is just a vat marked toxic waste

man, i thought i was in a tragedy drama, when it was really just a ******* sitcom all along.

also, i haven't rhymed in a long time, so sorry for ******* :))

also also, song mentioned: swing life away by rise against. give it a listen maybe **

#lifeisafuckingjoke #laughatit #**** #arealsoajoke #fjdksasldkfjfkdsla

basil Feb 2021

a really, really ****** love letter

you didn't blow up my world. you didn't. sparks didn't fly in every direction when i saw your face for the first time. your hair had blue tips that were fading fast and i didn't think i was in love. i just thought you looked like a picture someone had left in the sun for too long. and everything about you confirmed it: that you soaked in things that drained the life out of you.

i can't even say that you are my world. you're not. you aren't my missing piece and nothing about you could ever make me whole. you are broken and bruised in so many places that i can't tell if your spirit is black and purple or you just tell people that so they don't offer you any more band aids. i wish i could say that i wouldn't do that, but i want so badly to paint you gold that i might do something stupid, like make you smile instead of cry.

you didn't blow up my world, you just tilted it on it's axis. sparks didn't fly because they were too busy pushing the breath back into my lungs. you took it away when you were soaking in your own laughter. a laugh that i can't say is mine because i'm laughing too. you don't fill me up, you overflow. i'm just lucky to catch some of your drops in my own overflowing cup. your black and purple soul that splinters into a million pieces just to put itself back together again would never look as good in gold. dark matter has no use for a little aurum. because you are a galaxy, my love.

a galaxy right next to mine, and when they met... let me tell you, you didn't blow up my world. you just tilted it on its axis. you gave the colors bigger names and the flowers brighter colors. the sky dances at night and my dreams are full of yours. and i like the view.

i love you blue eyes <3

Feb 2021

jude

necklace.

as my necklace hangs on my neck
i think back to memories i’ll never forget.
even during the best & the worst,
the chain on my heart will not fall apart.
it sits here with me every day,
doing more than i could ever repay.
no one can imagine what such thing does
it keeps me safe, & feeling loved.

basil Feb 2021

maybe sometimes life can be like the movies

i used to think fireflies were just in the movies
because we don't get enough rain here
the first firefly i ever saw took my breath away
and has had it ever since

i used to think snow was just in the movies
because we don't get enough rain here
the first snowflake i ever caught on my tongue gave me goosebumps
and it let me keep them

i used to think magic was just in the movies
because we don't get enough love here
but the first time you kissed my lips, you turned my world on it's axis
and it never quite turned back

come back when you need a little magic <3

02.09.2021

basil Feb 2021

toothache

when i cradle your face in my dreams
tears slip over my knuckles
we both feel the miles between us like knives
playing on our veins like harp strings

but i wake up to haze and ***** laundry
no missed calls from you
besides, you told me the last time you cried
was when you finished that anime we don't talk about, anymore
so i keep my weeping between me and the moon
as i miss you harder than i clench my jaw at night

i wake up with my teeth aching
almost as much as my chest

i miss you more, blue eyes.

#***** #laundry #heart

basil Feb 2021

muse(ings)

sometimes i read my poems to find the person behind all these lucid dreams
but i get lost in the secondhand smoke of all these apologies
getting high on delusional compromises

maybe theres nobody there, maybe there never was

but i can see your eyes through the sticky haze, made of sky and ecstacy
they look through me, seeing the worlds i gave to you
worshippers kiss all the skin i used to

but its my name on their lips

is it better? that i immortalized you without your name attached? that my name has nothing behind it but the memories of you?

#blue #eyes