"no wonder why
you have no friends"
who said
i ever cared

i would rather
have no friends at all
if all they are going
to do
is stab me in my back

i am not
here for friends
i don't need anyone
but me

you say i
complain too much
you say you
don't complain at all

i look at you
like you are crazy
what do you
think you are doing then?

pretending

you cry to
all your "friends"
you say that
I am being mean

so i confront you
and i tell you
that you are
a hypocrite ..

and of course
you didn't like
what i had to say

so you started
screaming
and said that you could
"take me"

then you
stormed out of the room
into an endless pit
of your lies

i don't have the time

depleted
of energy,
a weight of gold
upon my heart,
its heavy dull luster
pushes down hard
squeezing out
        the light
suffocating
    my staccato
of breath
     I crouch        
quietly
in the brush,
the next step in
my process
                 pending
a dense rock
of pendulum
swaying time
  tick ticking
in my blood
cells reaching
the boiling point
just shy
of spilling over
into froth
waiting for
this conundrum
        to unravel,
my inner tigress
about to unfurl
             her heart
    to leap
and pounce
from
   within
into the
  tight
white
          of blinding
snow, the silent
storm of  
      the unknown
forever

One fleeting chance to catch you between trapezes
Yet my head was bowed, my thoughts immersed
In another dream of another life that i longed to live
A moments lapse careers you to that downward spiral
Through all those safety nets, all those webs we wove
Once so secure borne from our labour, love and toil
Exposed now like a promise of night through a civil dawn
As you fall through each of my declarations of trust
You blow out the candles and knock out the lights
Of celebrations and occasions now shattered like glass

Blackness descending through this never blinking eye
As those moments and time perpetually relive yet resist
The blood still refusing to flow freely through my veins
As i sit and wait for this evening coffee to run cold
That i may embrace the sanctuary of night once more
For I was one that could never dream in the dark
No more than one who could ever make amends
Between those two trapezes that signaled our end