I’m so tired of being the one on the ground,
With so many people surrounding me, yet nobody noticing I’m there
And then just stepping all over me, and not even apologizing once they’ve stepped on my insides.
Now I’m internally bleeding.

I'm tired of crying an ocean.
Then when people go to the beach, excited to splash in the water, they don’t.
Because they get scared of the monsters in the water.  

I'm tired of screaming my lungs out for help.
Because whilst I’m pleading for help, everybody hears
Silence.

I'm tired, I'm so tired of nobody listening.
I have cried out too many times:
“Please, I need somebody!”  
And all you do is walk along.

To you this is just writing, a poem, literature.
To me? It's me pouring my sorrow heart out
Hoping, with the last grain of hope in me, that somebody will listen.

I don’t need you to understand what I’m going through.
I don’t need you to understand my pain.
I don’t even need you to say anything in return.

I'm just...
So tired of cutting my arms and legs for other people
And not even getting a thank you or a nod of the head.

I am not asking you to rip your heart out your chest
And replace it with mine,
Because that will never relieve the pain buried into my soul.

I'm just asking and begging
Please just listen,
Just listen…

The unhappiness inside me is getting to my head.
It’s controlling the monsters I’ve been wanting to drown for so long.
They found a loophole and now they’re swimming in my mind.

Some have escaped my mind and are whispering in my ear.
Telling me to let it be.
I don’t want to let it be!
Please, I just want to be free…

I could rip your ears away from your imprudent mind
And pour my heart out until your eardrums can't take it,
And you would just go with your day as if all there ever was
Was silence.

The pain is there,
Even though I smile.
But the beasts do not want that no longer.

I just need somebody
To please just

Listen.

I once met this girl with dark brown hair and tanned skin. her smile was so bright it could blind you if you looked too close. when she laughed you could see the sparkle in her big brown eyes. despite her harsh and slightly mean personality, she radiated a welcoming feeling that so many of us need. she was fearless and never cared what others had to say. so long as she felt happy, she didn't feel the need to prove anything to anyone. from time to time the sleeves of her jacket would slide up and countless lines of dried blood could be seen littering them, when anyone pointed it out she said it wasn't any of their business what she did to keep happy so everyone let it be for the most part. I once met this girl who's hair was dyed half blonde. her skin had paled considerably and the dark circles under her eyes couldn't be missed. her smile was so big that anyone could of been fooled by it, everyone was. when she laughed there was no sparkle in her eyes and her sense of humor had changed. alongside her slightly rough personality came a cold feeling of distance toward anyone who tried getting close, something most of us never wish to experience. she seemed fearless and tried her best to make sure people thought she was unique and that she really didn't care. from time to time the sleeves of her sweater would roll up and small, barely visible marks covered the surface of her wrists, very rarely could the dry blood be seen, but she didn't care if it was. when people pointed it out she simply shrugged. I once met this girl who had dyed dark red hair and pale skin. her smile looked forced upon her tired face. when she laughed it sounded like it physically hurt for her to force it out of her. her mean personality had disappeared and was instead replaced by complete indifference and this feeling of carelessness which a lot of us fear. she had completely given up on caring what others thought. from time to time the sleeves of her sweater would slide up and nothing could be seen covering her wrists, except the quickly fading scars. I once met this girl with dark black hair and pale skin. her smile was enough to fool anyone who didn't pay attention. her laugh became a faint shaking of her shoulders and a strange sound that resembled a real laugh. there was no sparkle in her eyes, which were baggy and dark at the bottom. she didn't notice what people said or thought about her because she was too busy trying to calm her racing thoughts. when her sleeves rolled up there was nothing to be seen. when she walked she faltered a few steps because her thighs were so so sore from the multiple deep cuts covering them. when asked about it she simply said she liked it and that it really didn't matter. I once met this girl who took so many pills her stomach didn't sit right for weeks, in hopes she wouldn't wake up in the morning. I once met this girl who told me that there was nothing she wanted to live for, that the people worth fighting for would be better off without her. I once met this girl with a haunted look in her eyes and demons in her head. In four years the girl with the bright smile and happy eyes became a haunting memory of a time that seems almost impossible now.

God, in this day, February 24, 2015, I come to you saying this:
Please save me from myself.
Save me from this darkness I have adjusted to call home.
Save me from the madness in my mind,
From the anxiety that eats me alive when I wake,
With epiphanies of school.

I despise waking every morning from Monday through Friday.
The weekends may be a drag for me.
But the weekdays....
They are the days I loathe most.
The weekdays are a stabbing at the chest.
These days awake the beasts who sleep in my head, in their nest they have made throughout the years, and these monsters do not like to be awoken.
When they awake...
Lights
Camera
Action

Here comes the anxiety,
The stress,
The tears stream down my cheeks like cars down a hilltop in the night.
I feel like Forrest Gump.
Except Forrest Gump had been running miles and miles, for no reason.
He “just felt like running.”
Now me? I have a reason to run.
I am running away from my demons.
I can’t face them, throw a stone at them.
They’re much stronger than that.


The monsters don’t let me sleep.
They keep me awake at night.
Their words are being shoved into my mind,
“So much homework to be done for tomorrow,
You pitiful and witless girl,
When will you learn that you will never be good enough?”
They’re saving me from my nightmares,
Yet placing me into another.

But it’s okay,
This nightmare is only temporary,
Soon, I will escape and enter into oblivion
But for now, I will sleep – maybe like a baby, maybe like a dead man.

God, thank you for allowing those beasts into my dreams,
Turning them into the nightmares I am terrified to encounter every night.
God Almighty, thank you for teaching these demons to swim,
And to be stronger than my dreams.
Oblivion is inevitable and now I will be free…
Thank you.

Amen.

there's no one who's more afraid of commitment and falling than me, but I let go of all that **** for you. I was terrified that we weren't gonna work out, but I wanted to give it a shot anyway. why the **** couldn't you let go of your **** for me? am I not a strong enough reason? am I just not good enough? ****. I understand you're not happy but I could've ******* changed that. we could've been great. but you didn't give us a ******* chance to be anything more than a pathetic excuse for a couple... or whatever we were. you said I didn't let you in but in reality you always kept me at arms length, and sometimes further. I'm ******* through with this ****. but why does it feel like a part of me is missing? why does it feel like I can't ******* breathe anymore? like I'm missing something so important that I can't stop thinking about it.