There's a certain loneliness i could not describe; a kind of sadness no song can soothe through. I think I have done the same mistake again. And yes, here comes the pain. 

The pain of watching the beauty of the stars grace the night. It's so sad not to be able to touch such beauty and feel its heat. This hollowness digs in and it squeezes tears out of my eyes. You bring comfort - the kind of comfort that has always been half tangible - half intangible. We are always somewhere in between. We say what we want to hear but one day, i wanted to hear you say you will stay with me forever.
                                    Because i have been dreaming about us together.
Building a house turning it into home, our child inside your arms
caressing her tenderly because you have always wanted a daughter
pressing your lips into her cheeks
loving us, loving us.

But, we are two individuals that do not define eternity. Our names have been categorized to somewhere near temporary and fleeting. And this comfort i feel will always be half tangible; half mine and half lost. 

And how it makes me cry. I really want to cry. It is starting to get hurt and i wonder if i should stay longer.

I smell your scent
  when i grip the steering wheel -
woody, strong, earthy
  the essence of fungus buried in loam
but still, in a good way.

Even if i wash my hands
    with chlorine,
you stick like eclipse
      on a glorious sun -
the spine of a murderer
    Oh, you have chiseled so **** well,
incorporated it into the spaces
              of your lumbar discs.

And i thought i saw you
    in a portrait of a gentleman
i almost choked laughing myself to death
  for no single bone of yours is ever gentle
nor a MAN.

We were close
      but before i reached clitorial ******,
you said her name inside my mouth.
  The grit of a shotgun pierced like million bullets of a machine gun
    and i convulsed with the eruption of pain. The smell of sandalwood
          on leathered steering wheel
      swapped with decayed collar bone of pretend.

And i and death never felt as close
      as my own eyelashes.

Cold mornings, warm coffee
The aroma comforts me
Pushing the freezing moment
of having to recall you.

You used to sit with me.
You would look into my eyes,
flash a beautiful smile
and I always wonder
what you see

But one day,
you stopped being you.

Today, i decided to rhyme to honor thy death
I shall reveal what I have hidden underneath

I hid a love so great, brighter than the sun
Wider than the untameable bluest ocean
But you slipped between my fingertips
Like how a silky, luxury cloth on my skin slids

Gently, smoothly, flawlessly
As flawless as how the sun drowns in red cotton
As graceful as the mesmerizing rise of the moon
I hid a love, existing ceaselessly, my love

So today, I decided to rhyme to honor thy death
To reveal what I tried to hide underneath

I still hold a love, a love so great
feel its warmth escape like angel's breath
And hear me rhyme to honor such beautiful death
And reveal the truth I covered underneath

Beautiful than the crashing of meteorites in the sea
More majestic than the regal clothes a princess can plea
An immeasureable worth, worthier than diamonds
But you tossed it away like cold, dull weightless stones

Yet, I rhyme and honor your death
And reveal what I have hidden underneath
To honor such love's last breath
A love I hid in so much warmth and faith.

I used a different detergent
on my clothes today
something stronger
something that would erase
your perfume

maybe tomorrow
i will stop remembering
the moments we spent
messing up the sheets
of my now empty bed.

I
licked my wounds today
and they taste like you.
Sweet blood oozes and
there's infinite pain
in every squeezes

Memories keep these wounds
open, susceptible
to the bacteria of your lies
of the infection brought by absence.
Plagued by unacceptable reasons
of not having you.