If you are uncomfortable when you look in the mirror,
keep in mind:
We spent thousands of years
trying to convince the earth
she was flat.

We wrote her maps as evidence of the things we saw;
and she believed them.
She cried tsunamis, and had earthquake breakdowns.

Keep in mind: the Sun never gave up hope.
The earth will keep spinning and breathing
the star-dusty space void of encouragement.

Next time you look in the mirror
and second-guess your potential divinity,
remember you will keep shining and living.

Because the Sun is out there
believing in you,
compensating for lack of the human capacity
to treat each other empathically.

You don’t need proof or approval
to be exactly what you are;
Eventually everyone will see
your infinite beauty.

I want to break into your liquor cabinet
And write my name on the bottoms of all the bottles
So you can be reminded
Of why you're drinking in the first place.

It's good to see that
nothing has changed.
If only I could talk to you
without feeling like
it could be a life or death
decision.

I'm trying so hard to get better, mom, I swear. It's just that I woke up this morning and couldn't find a single reason to get out of bed. You called last week and asked me how my anxiety is doing, as if it were a separate person entirely. It's okay though, sometimes I think it is too. I can't get out of bed because there's no good enough reason to shatter the floor with every step I take, so I hide under my covers and hope tomorrow will be better. It hasn't been, but I'm trying mom, I promise. Maybe soon I'll be able to call you back but the dial tone sends me into a panic attack so fierce that I stop breathing. I know your voice would calm me down but right now it's just too much. Keep calling, one day I'll be able to answer without crying. I love you mom, I love you so much. I'm so sorry.

A boy you can't resist
He pretends feelings exist
How long will you linger
He has got you wrapped around his finger
You're thinking everything is going so right
He has got you wound pretty tight
It's never going to get better
Eventually you will end up reading a dear John letter
You really need to think twice
Listen to the words that have been given as advice
Sure it may be just an opinion
But they're from real experiences they've been in
There is so much you haven't seen      
My dear you're just eighteen

Your eyes-
coal black fire
mirrors of my desire

Your mouth-
warm bath of oaths
bespoken for

Your *******-
rouged red-bullet tipped
honeysuckled bliss

Those hips-my reins
move you the way
I need you most

and your kiss-
like a hiss from a dip
of a branding iron

burn me with your lips
and make me yours-
ride me into the abyss

-of sighs.

r ~ 9/25/14

the salt of the sea
calls to me...
it is time,

it is time,
for re-immersion
it is time,
to revitalize
your winter, wearied soul

come little being.....
be swaddled in my watery folds

be bold,
my little one....
tho the water, may be cold

my friend....
the sun shall
warm your skin
and in my depths
you know you will find,
joys untold.

i take my towel and heed,
the whispers of the waves.

for me....
my summer's soul
to brave, the tang  
and crisp, cool clarity,
to redeem my sanity.

i walk, run, and
dolphin dive past
the breakers,
into the depths
of watered reality.

ill keep a glass of wine next to my bed tonight
i havent eaten much today and it is very bitter
but its taste is sweet compared to the taste of defeat
i feel so defeated
my hair is getting so long and it helps me feel pretty
when i dont even want to look in the mirror
all that stares back at me is a disappointed face
wondering where i've run off to
but i dont know where i am or where ive been lately
ill shake my head no to the thought of finding myself
but that is just my lack of self speaking up
covering my mouth so i can't figure it out
soon enough ill push the hand away and be free.
soon enough ill have the courage to be me.