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 Nov 2014 Erin Naomi Geremick
LN
She held onto the cigarette
quivering hands and ****** veins
it lit up and scorched the leaves
infiltrating in her tensed lungs.
It reminded her of him.

Breathing in the grey smoke,
she suffocated from
the air that they weren't sharing.

Hugging the cigarette,
with his shapely lips
she knew that any attempt
of kissing him
would **** her
but yet she longed to die
at his touch.
- she loved him so much-
I wanted you to pick apart my brain
With a fork and a serrated knife
A dinner plate the size of my broken skull
I only wanted you
To digest my recurring self-doubt
It was a futile notion

I wanted you to sift through the debris
Popped joints and dislocated jaws
A hammer crashing against my temple in a daydream
I only wanted you
To feast on my self-apathy
That would be enough

A ******-up boy dealing trash
With his tongue in my cheek
Fists clenching tufts of hair
Bodies intertwined and crash
I only wanted you
To bruise and break my skin
Was that all too much?

I wanted you to push your fingers
Into the soft fleshy parts of my head that made me see the world so differently
Maybe if I let you play with it like putty
You'd mold my mind correctly
I took a notepad and folded the edge of the first page
Ran my finger across the paper where it thickened at the crease
Touched my finger to a vial where the blood ran thick and hot
I'd send it to you in the mail but our love you probably forgot
I just pick the skin that flays apart hoping you'll lick my wounds
Waiting for the day you change your mind and hope to taste iron on your lips
I refuse to relate her to the sunrise and the sunset-
as there are already far too many things that remind me,
but I'll have you all know-
I think of her every single day.
This morning I bit my tongue in fear that maybe...
I am in love.
I thought that
there could be no other explanation
for why someone who isn't even present in my life
consistently
rips herself into my mind.
But that is only I shining light on her once again.
Like I've done so since we became friends.
No. I am not in love.
I am
I was betrayed.
And I have not
can not
forgive.
My trust began to vanish
when the hot air of her whispers
tickled my ears
and fear swished inside of them.
Her pleas for friendship
were seasoned with 1-up mushrooms,
and she always saw the bigger firework,
dreamt the more vivid dream,
had the better taste,
in self-righteous scream.
Love?
I politely decline your offer, miss.
I don't care to love you, miss.
For the last time
Goodnight.
I dug this one up from my drafts. I'm so happy I don't have these feelings of bitterness so readily available anymore. I'm not sure if I've forgiven but I'm posting this because I can and not feel condemned to these emotions. Thank you for reading.

— The End —