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Okay, let's start back when I was ten (any farther, and someone might cry)
I started reading 12.6 and my favorite was/is adult romance. My mom didn't care aslong as I didn't say the B.S. that I learned in them. But, unfortunately guys that were ages, and I quote 15-49, and a 52 yr old had tried f-ing me/ told me how they wanted to f me. Well, for the most part, I looked older than what I was, so the guys ages 15-29 had a valid excuse (I did look 21yrs old) but as soon as I told them my age,(and this had gone on until I was 15) they became regretful for what they did, and soon we became friends, but when I told the guys of the other age groups, they weren't, instead they still tried it (the 52yr old was my sisters fathers cousin Booner, whom I silently nicknamed *****, and he always called me his " little girlfriend" well he kept trying to kiss me which was GROSS, and he had tried to **** me, my cousins were the only ones that saw this and helped me and taught me defense) now anytime someone startles me, I lash out in defense automatically. (Funny thing is Booner stopped messing with me when I was about 7, cause he had started it back when I was 5, luckily my cousins were around) ( You see the day started out normal. Well, me, my mom, and my one brother and my sis were going to leave. Booner had said to me"Bye, little girlfriend" he leaned his head into the car to kiss me, so I wound the window up on his head and yelled at my mom to "Floor it!" She sat in the drivers seat laughing, while my sisters dad was outside on the ground laughing)
Unfortunately, this is true and f-ed up. :/
I've made up my mind,
It's too late to change it, so just be kind.
You just don't understand why,
You must be blind.
Why can't you just accept me?
If I died would I be one to miss?
Do you care for me?
Then leave me the **** alone.
I can't take your negative ****,
Just know, too much and I'll die.
So just accept me as I am and wish me luck,
Shut your mouths & keep my name out your minds.
I love me & that's enough,
Be like you always have & don't give a ****.
You can hate me or love me... whatever's clever,
But always know that i'll love you all forever.

Updated,
04-13-2014
♥Crystal Rose.♥
*Copyright
Blue speckled eggs fell from nest,
peppered the pavement with
splintered fragments.
I couldn't bear to see another thing break.
I never thought I could fall apart so easily
until the day I heard my ribs crack and snap like twigs,
my rejected heart forced out onto the floor.
I think of those birds now.
And how you stood there, arms outstretched.

Some safety nets look like hands.
And they hold me together better than my own skin.
But even hands have gaps between the fingers.
And I keep slipping through.
I keep slipping through.
 Jan 2015 Erenn's Collabs
Holly
Fires ablaze within my eyes,
A smile concealing all my lies,
Screaming, begging, calling out,
A final, frantic, desperate, shout.

Scarlet tears drip from each vein,
A vehement covet to end this pain,
This silver blade, stays by my side,
Because all hope inside has died.

As each day ends, and darkness draws,
The devil toys, with all my flaws,
I'm helpless, alone, a worthless mess,
A broken child, he must address.

I'm tempted when he calls my name,
A way out, an escape, an end to shame,
To make it feel a lot less real,
A deal with the Devil, in blood must I seal.

They'll say I died of suicide,
But no one knows how much they've lied,
It wasn't a rope, a blade, or pills,
That broke my soul, and gave me chills.

I died inside so long before,
To live each day, an endless chore,
Pills could not **** what was already dead,
A twisted soul, an empty head.

In darkness I wait, in silence, alone,
Rose-tinted nostalgia, all around me has grown,
I beckon the devil, with the key of self-harm,
And I open the door for him, with the blood of my arm.
 Jan 2015 Erenn's Collabs
Renee
Today you said
you were ashamed of me,
that you didn't know why I existed..
you called me an anorexic *****
you told me I wasn't good at anything
and I was going to amount to nothing
you called me a depressed brat
well I'm sorry I seem that way
today you said you hated me,
to your friends
but today I heard.
And I didn't expect it.
but I didn't cry...
I didn't hate you...
I didn't respond...
I just walked outside
in the freezing snow
and made myself numb.
today you said I was worthless
and I've never deserved anything
or anyone
and today
I'm not sorry I don't meet your expectations
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