Drinking summer skin,
I hear the voices in the night sky
I'm a slave to the darkness around the stars,
and I can't remember why

One, two, twenty-three percocet in my soul.
Ambulance lights breathing throughout the mist.
Pump my stomach like the sawed-off shotgun
that I was too afraid to use,
because what if I 'miss'?
What spectrum of desolation to be traced with lips;
to kiss away the desire to exist.

Mirrored reflection injection causes the resurrection of my imperfection.
I see me for who I am, who I was, and who I won't be.
It's the collection of
my eyes dilating and my knees speculating their arrival
to the blue and white tiling disguised as neo-survival.
My mind is evaporating. My body begins to convulse.
I am a ghost in a machine. I am without a pulse

I haven't slept in my own bed in four months.
My car hasn't been emptied in four months.
I sleep on unsuspecting couches of friends and say "Oh, I haven't seen you in a while. Do you mind if I stay tomorrow as well?"
40 different couches.
Some friends knew. Some friends didn't. Some friends didn't care.
My favorite visits were the ones where I felt like my friend's family temporarily adopted me.
They'd tell me that I could stay for as long as I needed.
They told me that there was an empty room and closet upstairs.
I told then that I didn't own any hangers.
That's when I left.
I lived with my grandparents for a while and was never home.
They kicked me out.
"It's not like you were ever here anyway," they said.
I was kicked out of my mom's and my grandmother's.
That's why I don't own hangers.

clumsily, I fall -
whether it be in or
out of love with you.
similar to how
I bring accidental pain
upon myself, simply
from knocking
my knee on something
solid. clumsily,
I trip over my own
footsteps. I know not
my destination, or
what I'll do upon arrival.

clumsily, I allow
myself to create pathetic
fancies. stupidly,
I give you the power
to inflict
bitter pain upon me.
me, the clumsiest girl
you'll ever know,
who'd be
glad for whichever marks
etched upon her skin,
by you.