I think my life is slipping through my fingers
and i just dont care

tw self harm



There’s a monster in my head
She ***** every last bit of life from me
Leaving me empty and cold
Then she fills my mind with horrid thoughts
Ideas that should disturb and repulse me

Just give your wrist a little slit

                                  C’mon I know you’re bored

                Feel the sting of the wounds

  You'll feel alive...

But I must keep her caged
I mustn't listen to her lies
Lies...? Maybe....?
I can’t give in
Not yet
70 days is too long to give up
Especially the night before you’ll have help
So tonight
One more night
I keep her at bay
Imprisoned in my mind
But at least my wrist is clean

I don’t want the pills
I don’t want them
I hate this suffering
Existing
I’m so ******* sick of it
It just goes on and on
Steadily getting worse
And I watch everyone figure it out
Steady themselves
Find something to make them happy
But there’s no happiness in me
It’s not there to find
Void
And I would rather feel the sting of a blade
Than to suffer in this empty, broken existence

I’ve danced around it my whole life
Ignoring it
(Trying to anyways...)
Living my life to please it
Coated in a guilt like tar
Whether I do it wrong or right
It won’t leave me
Wounds built into me
Repeatedly burned into my being
And it’s so shallow
It makes no sense
But it was passed to me
It resides within me
A restlessness I’ll never escape
A mantra endlessly repeating

“Your body will never be acceptable”

tw: ummm this is rather sensitive. Read with care


Lol I’m not good
**** mental health
I feel like **** and I love it
Getting every high I can find
Anything for a little dopamine **
I could literally take one more pill
I have them. I just have to take it.
Need permission to take it
And I’d be okay for a little while
Maybe a few weeks
It won’t last but it’s a start
Mmm I feel like self sabotage
Idk. Just for fun
Cause why the **** not??
We both know this isn’t going anywhere
You’re not going anywhere
Lol
You’re not loved
Don’t you ever ******* forget it
You’ve got the mental structure of an addict
And you don’t even care
All your skills are basically useless
You’ll just be another piece of the corporate machine
You won’t make a life for yourself
You won’t be happy eventually
You’ll take drugs until you feel okay
But it’ll never ever be enough
You’ll find someone to ****
And it will leaving you wanting
You’ll make them all turn on you
It won’t be too hard now
Your life is nothing
You are nothing
You’re not dead because you’re a ******* coward
And because you know they’ll cry
Ughhh why would they cry
There’s no loss
No change
I won’t leave much behind
Your lives will be fine
They’ll be fine
It’ll be fine
You’ll be fine
I’m fine
I’m really not okay
I know that
I hear it in the back of my mind
Over and over
The whisper behind the noise
Waiting patiently for a little quiet
And it won’t leave me the **** alone
Just leave me alone ******* it
My head needs to calm down
I’ve gotta calm down
But my body is calm.
Mind is racing but the body feels nothing
Should I be feeling something??
I must’ve made it all up
This isn’t about me
Just some story
A fantasy in my head
Some world where someone else lives
A life more interesting than mine
Even if it hurts her it’s better than nothing
Pain is so ******* easy man
Bleeding is easy
But why
This isn’t in my head
This isn’t mine
It’s not mine
It’s not mine
It’s not mine
It’s not mine
I’m fine
I’m fine
What the ****
I’m fine
Why is this in my head
It’s not right
This isn’t right
****

My heart feels heavy
My pulse burns
My head aches

I want freedom
I want peace
I want love
I feel these so deeply in my being
But I’m so confused
I’m so conflicted
And all those who would’ve helped me have gone
I’ve grown distant from once-trusted mentors
I don’t know where to find answers
Where to find help
Something inside me screams an answer
That I don’t want to hear

Or perhaps rather...
It is a still, small voice

Why does everything decay and fade?
Time touches everything,
A great destructive force
We exist to wither and watch everything fall
Bringing close to our hearts that which will die
We try so hard to create as much life as is lost
But once it is lost, it will not again be found
So we cry and ache and scream out
With a hope that maybe something will hear
And tell us why it is that we must live
Just to watch the world decay