You slid in and took my place.
I'm happy that you've found another but at the same time I hate it.
I tear myself apart every time I see you together.
I say that should have been me but maybe they needed it more.
It isn't fair though because I didn't ask for this.
I hate this.
I loveeee doing it but I hate the consequences.
I do this because of you and them.
All the times we should have been on the playground remembering, we weren't.
I wish you knew.

Every song reminds me of what we were.
I miss you.
I need you.
I've thought about it everyday "if I could just go back to my old ways, before anyone knew."
I'd do it all over again because now I know what I want.
I've already replayed every time it happened to see if I could get the same emotion out of it.
I'm beginning to experiment again.
I now have a reason for every single one.
I've reached the point where I have them all in reach.
I will soon allow myself to fall into it... In every way.

The reason I don't miss you anymore is because I got used to not having you.
One day passed.
One week.
One month.
7 months and 18 days later.
My heart shatters time to time, nothing that poison can't fix.
It's killing me inside all over, one thing led to another.
Would you be okay with it?
If you are just tell me and I won't hesitate to give into the temptation.
It's warm outside, it warms my outer body.
Not my insides though, they are still slowly dying and cold.
I feel as if I touch you you'll be whole again and as soon as I let go I'll demolish our well being.
I'll continue to play the same song and create scenarios.
My brain is stuck In twister season.

My little sister, is bright.
My little sister is unique.
My little sister is confident.
My little sister is funny,
But she's a bully.

My little sister is a bully,
I can hear it in her words.
She's someone I would hide from,
If I were in the same school as her.

My little sister is a bully,
But she's still changing.
I think the reason she's so blunt,
Is because she's afraid of being like me.

My little sister is afraid,
She saw me crying everyday.
So she shields herself with words.
It makes me feel like I've ruined her.

My little sister is a fighter,
She is thin but strong.
She's someone I want to be.
Hopefully she's still smiling.

My little sister is depressed.
But her smile is still wide.
She knows not to hide.

I don't know where to begin.
I wish I could tell you.
Everyday I punch a wall once, twice maybe three times.
This isn't the worst part.
On the outside I am an image of childhood.
Innocence.
On the inside I can see what I've done to myself.
Temple.
I can feel that I've destroyed my insides, everything that keeps me alive.
I've slowly destroyed it.
Every day I add a new line, one, two, maybe even three.
You'll never know, you never ask.
Enjoy your time.
I'll enjoy mine.

My emotions are blank.
I hear my mother and father laughing and talking.
My sister joins in the conversation, soon she starts to laugh and talk.
My brother is asleep.
I walk downstairs, get a cup of coffee, respond to the everyday questions "how'd you sleep?" my response "fine."
"What'd you dream about?" My response "nothing." Their response "oh so you were very tired" my thought response "silence."
I stare aimlessly at the cup across from me.
Thinking about every thing and nothing at the same time.
I soon realize my cup is empty.
Breakfast is ready and no one has talked to me yet again.
I hear "emma" I think it's my brain saying that.
"Emma" I realize it isn't, it's my father.
"I need your help" my response "oh okay."
Once I'm done helping I realize I'm only ever called upon if someone needs my help.
When is it my turn?
Can anyone help me?

Today i found out that you met somebody else.
I thought i was over you,
I stopped crying at night
Letting the black tears stain my sheets
My chest never ached for you anymore
I never felt like i couldn't breathe
Like all the air was slowly suffocating me
I didn't hear your voice in my head anymore
You'd just became a memory that every once in a while id play back the record i saved of our love.
Instead of breaking down every time i saw your face,
It brought me happiness.
Today i found out that i am replaceable by someone else.
someone better.
It hit me like a bullet to the heart
Thrown against the wall as if a wave brought me out to sea and started to drown me.
As the water filled my lungs
I heard your voice again,
But now its muffled by the water I'm submerged in.
I saw your face for just one second
And then the ocean swallowed me.