we are each an empty ice tray
sitting in the freezer
side by side
an image of disappointment and laziness
addressed with an eye roll and a slight growl

when we are full
we are frozen solid, dry
not something one would be interested in holding

we are playing a game
to see who can stay solid,
the first to melt if necessary

for now, we are pieces of white plastic
serving absolutely no purpose

cigarette smoke and black n milds
im tired of things that dont matter to me
from a dystopian family
to my unfulfilled being
im sick of things swallowing me
the wind blows and the trees rattle
no stars tonight
but when will i be free
manipulation and guilt
im trapped in walls of 3
family
careers
and who i want to be

im not drowning
and thats the scary part
im floating admist my sorrows
fears
dreams
realities
i have the key to fix things
but there's always a catch
isnt it?

frostbitten finger tips
anchoring me down to this useless town
but this plaguing feeling of emptiness cant even hold me down
words that wont surface are buried underneath
im scared as to who my next victim might be
maybe I'll be docile and quiet as usually
but this lingering yearning
wont shake me free
i want to be more
for the whole world to see
but will anyone ever notice my pleas?

If I take a
                 d
                   i
                    p
in the seas
of your
eyes
whatever will happen
if I
     s
      i
      n
       k
         ?

will I tumble head
first
to a watery demise
in a submerged smoke
of oceanic ink

or what happens if I
s e e p
through the cracks in our
flaws - sorry
*floors
?
will my reckless f
                             a
                            l
                             l
be cut
short

or will I
           sink
&        sink
&        sink
some more;

drifting through sub-marine thought?

I once had a lover that on the most ordinary of days
Out shopping for underwear
Looked at my reflection in the mirror and said
I love the boy in you
And I love the girl in you
And everything in between

Later they asked me what love is
And I said I think that's what love is
Seeing everything in between the reflection
Seeing somebody clearer than they see themselves
I said tell Me you love every piece of me
The skin I shed
The skin that hates this chest
The “it's a boy” they never said
The “I love yous” they never meant
I've spent so much time trying to find the in between where there's no haircuts
Or funny ways of dressing
Or anything confusing about my chest
I'll just keep choosing to ignore the way they say
You're so beautiful
In the same breath as potential
As if it's a credential for my anatomy

Instead tell me I'm the cutest boy you've ever had in your bed
Tell me my body isn't woman it's just the wild
Tell me flesh is nothing
I'm made of light
Tell me my light is beautiful
Touch my soft
Touch my belly button but not like they ever touched me
Touch me like I'm the kind of soft that can turn hard
A tin roof against the rain
Beating a thunderstorms refrain into music
They told me I have too much bark
Too much bite
I'm too pretty to fight

So tell me instead I'm the softest pebble you've ever skipped across your body
And ripples are born of my feathered fists and my hammering heart
Tell me softness has no gender
Tell me our body's never knew what gender meant
I want to be gender bent over till it breaks
And takes the freighttrain words of haters
But don't you cringe under the jagged teeth of their stares
**** my love into your body and hold it there
Always write a poem in my body
And use the words they spit at us
But instead infuse them with a welcome song to tell my body it's found home
Everything we do rhymes with ****** rhymes with **** rhymes with queer
These labels belong to us
The fear in these labels does not belong to us
I'm here to witness you try to live in a body you call home without trying to run away
I wish my body was made of clay so I could fit it into the box labeled
“I love you no matter what”
Will you love me no matter what

If I want you to bend me over backwards until I break the reflection the mirror tries to make of me
And find it's just glass
Like my see through skin
Try to see through my skin
Tell me you see me
I'll see every piece of you
Soft
Hard
Apart
Together
Girl
Boy
But never in a box
I'll take that box labeled “I'll love you no matter what” and I'll break it down
Leave that truth around your bones
Until you believe it can't break

That truth will be our home and we can live in that between because that's where love is.

take sips of immorality like it's a fine wine
that you've missed out on
for centuries
while it
cured

hold the throbbing handfuls
turn them in your palm
marvel at their warmth and wetness and excitement.

sample the platters brought before you
golden, rich, budding
pluck them before they waste away
and regret flowers in your closing irises.

dance rhythmically against him
the lingering taste still in your mouth
his sweat against your neck
hands gripping your back
savor the moments
that your laurel crown
makes your red cheeks glow.

Sitting here
with beer in hand
drinking
awaiting better days
but the better days are so few
and the dull nights grow longer
so I crack another open
and discard the last
empty as me
to the corner
not sure how many this has been now
not sure. . .
days. . bottles. . . whatever
drowning aching thoughts
consuming
waiting
for something
maybe for the phone to ring
or a visit from the ones
who have forgotten you
but the women you want
come too late
the ones you dont
come to frequent
neither really care much
they will outlive you anyway
most likely
most do
drinking
away the money
you would otherwise spend
on unaffordable things
that you dont really need
as you cast another
to the pile
bottles upon bottles
in bins
and bags
clattering on a cluttered table
along with crumpled retrospection
hell. . . .
at least there is a bright side
Michigan does have a 10 cent bottle deposit
in which you can take them back
to buy more beer