i won't do it
just to spite them

i'll carry on
i'll survive

this emptiness will fade
right?

well, ha
it looks as if i win

i won't do it
just to spite them

even if at times
i want to

why is it that
the people
that are supposed to be
my friends
hurt me the most

daily
i am called
*****
******
*****

daily
i am told
that i am worthless
to **** myself
the world would be better without me

but what if i complied
the emptiness is already here
deep inside my heart
it's crept its way in
through every vein in my body

i'm already gone
the words hurt
i'm alive
but it doesn't mean
that i'm living

I feel as if I'm lost, deep inside of a well. The only voice I hear is my own
bouncing off of the cold stone wall.
I shout
I scream
my lungs burning with such rage
such passion
that I will never understand
that I never want to feel again
I just want you to love me

it's been months
but it feels like it's been a lifetime
you still don't love me.
my tears fill my imaginary well
and I don't know what to do
I can swim to the top
and live a life that will never satisfy me
Or I can stay at the bottom of my well
drowning.
Maybe once I'm gone
people will finally hear me, I decide

you'll never understand
what a broken home feels like
when the people you're supposed to trust
tell you you're a *******
stupid
worthless
toxic
you'll never understand
what it feels like to be empty
what it feels like when the only thing left
in your body
is the blood you have yet to drain

The neglect of others had torn her apart
to the point where she had stuffed
her bullet holes with paper towels
that filled with blood
the wounds would open again
But that did not stop her
No it didn't stop how she wrote
about love and depression hiding behind
the closed door of her broken home
at two in the morning
She stared at the ceiling
there were blood stains
mold surrounding the holes in the walls
Still she fell in love
she had hope
she believed in a better life
with every **** thing she had in her
And it broke her

It feels like we're treading
on broken glass
every word we say
is carefully chosen
as if we're trying not to remember
what broke us in the first place

she makes me feel understood
loved
I've never met someone
who can run words over their tongue
like water over the rocks in a stream
I've never known that someone
could feel how I've felt
the pain
the loss

I didn't know
how being understood felt
like flying
like crying
knowing that no matter what
she will be there

Your scent lingers long after you're gone
It reminds me of hate.
Of broken promises.
Broken people.
It's not your fault
it's not mine either
but still
it's hard to come to terms with the fact that no matter what I do
you still won't love me.

"Let me sleep"
I whisper into the dark
God knows I need it, dark circles
that no amount of makeup can conceal reside under my eyes
I can't sleep
Every time I close my eyes you're there
in the dark
It's not a bad feeling, seeing your face smiling at me
But it's a fake one
a false memory
a constant reminder
of everything I'll never have

I  haven't slept for days
but I don't feel tired

tears cascade from my eyes
but I don't feel sad

a sour taste rises in my throat
the force of it all rocks my body

as I throw up the memories that you burdened me with

I smile
but I don't feel happy

I kiss him
but I feel no love

the truth is
I haven't felt anything since you left

any body I touch or new memory I make seems lost in the thought

of what could have been
what could have been

if you had stayed
if I had been good enough

but you didn't
and I wasn't

so I lay on the tile floor
and I let go