We do not go up but only along do we tread
and sometimes unfettered hopes go on ahead
advancing to places we strive but cannot touch
no matter what I achieve, it is never enough.

When you laugh at yourself because
your words cause solitary hilarity to ensue and
then shake your head smiling because you are
so **** clever. It's true you think a lot of yourself
but I wonder if sometimes you need to, because no one
else thinks that much. It's strange that I can write these
words about someone who I've shared secrets and a bed
on countless nights, we've walked under the stars and
picked out our favourite constellations and once I used your
house as my own for months on end and used your
company too. I've said words I don't mean because you
said them first and there's no way back from not replying
and I've thought both wonderful things and terrible ones too.
I didn't want to lose you, but now I am not so sure.

ever since my childhood broke and the safety net disintegrated
I've been running and holding it high above, arms aching
in a futile attempt to stop things falling through
woven seams. Sometimes it works and I stare up,
neck burning, to the things I cannot touch.

I do not look down to the debris scattered around me,
to the failures of my braced shoulders, slipping through like water;
impacting like stones.

once I caught a fisherman; he threaded silver secrets
through twine using smiles and sympathy and I lowered my arms, to keep him alongside. There were some places he couldn't reach but
that was ok, because we ran for an eternity ensnared in each second.

it was a particularly beautiful day when I noticed him slowing,
staring out to sea, steps faltering and new smiles forming that
were not faced to me. He left me and dived headfirst, forgetting that
fisherman cannot swim. He drowned as I ran on, arms outstretched
above me as the net danced in the wind and everything fell through.

I have never stopped, never ceased these thundering steps;
my eyes are still turned to the sky, the holes in my net cast
beautiful shadows and through them I see the stars and wait impatient
for the night when they too fall.

yes, I am here, here is my hand
outstretched and empty and willing for you to
tip your fingers into, let me take the weight
of your soft palm against mine,
please, the night is cold and
I haven't been touched for too long.

I would save you the sunshine and tell you
of the shapes I saw in the clouds
and bring you a piece of every conversation,
the laughs, loves and lyrics of each day
all yours to consume; to cherish and buoy
you through the deepest depths of the dark.

Take it and reach for my hand when it hits,
my bird, I would die for that smile of yours
which caused the sun and the stars to each be lit
and the sea to return to the still sorrowed shores.

So it ends between us despite how reticent we've been
your words were always dust; it's only now to be seen

You wave the white flag and the mock surrender
as I learn to burn you and rip all asunder
your façade naught but a cheap, grey suit
all show and no substance; your face resolute

The urge now to burn you is humming in veins
I know you so well mere words would stoke flames

You are walking away and your shoulders fake low
deep darkness enshrines the things that I know
temptation to reveal and revel in raised words
brews on inside me, I could make you hurt

and how I wish to force you to admit your pretences
call out the horrors you yourself pre-empted
this is not all me, we two share the blame
but in truth, yes biased, I know whose name
should bare the burden and so not feel the victim
you feel sorry only for yourself; I was the *****
I conned and coxed your simple heart from your skin
but I was not the one who started this, you bare that sin

back away now, yes you had better retreat
because the things I would say you would not meet
there is no guilt in my eyes because you stole it all
giving me words I did not say and taking the fall
that you caused through self-obsessive countenance
go now, go quick, go swift before I renounce
this vow to stay silent, to veil hard thoughts unheard
but one more pity from you and you shall be burnt.

There's nothing like holding someone in your palm and looking down at them

when they used to be so raised up and universes out of reach

that only when you finally turned your back and pointed your eyes at the ground

did they descent to walk amongst mere mortals and fall into your path

steps tripping feet as they open arms once gold-gilded, now bitter, scuffed and burnished

and no longer quite  blinding enough for you not to see, unfeeling,

that they are not who you wanted them to be.

Azure sapphires glint and dance
Below the fields still flower in France
As debris blow and snow does fall
White silence in the space of souls
It is meaningless; it is not fair
Here lie solid absences and despair
We were many; now we are but few
They fell, fell right on through.