the air between the notes
as they rush out of my throat
remind me of static granuals,
the comfort of a quiet signal
that hasnt yet reached the tv

When I was younger I used to watch a lot of TV, and there was a certain type of scenario on tv where I always saw a pattern. There would be these two people who would fall in love but then something would happen, and then in the end they both decided that they couldn’t be together. But then the show would display scenes of the two longing for each other. Sometimes the two would get back together, but more often they wouldn’t. It would take them months to get over the other person, but eventually, they did.
The fact that these two people obviously loved each other but wouldn’t be together was a completely ridiculous notion to me. I simply couldn’t understand why they couldn’t forget the world and the reasons they couldn’t be together and just do it anyways, I mean, shouldn’t love be enough? Shouldn’t two people that love each other be able to be together because, as the fairytales say, love is stronger than anything? Shouldn’t love overcome anything? When I was this age, about eight or nine, I promised myself that I would never do that. That if I loved someone I simply wouldn’t let them go no matter the reasons I should.
What I didn’t understand is that with maturity comes knowing the right decision and making it, even if you know it’s going to hurt you and/or someone you care about deeply. If they had stayed together then the reasons they should have ended it will always haunt them. They’ll always know that what they have doesn’t work, or what they have shouldn’t go on, no matter how much they wanted it to. If it comes to a point where you just know that what you have needs to end, then that’s what has to happen. That it’s what’s going to happen no matter how you try to prevent it.
Sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes things have to end in order for you to grow as a person. Sometimes things are just not meant to be, and we shouldn’t push it. We shouldn’t force it and selfishly choose something that was obviously wrong. No matter if it hurts the right choice is always right and what’s meant to happen will happen.

This moon pulls,
it tugs at my strings,
it convinces my heart
to break free of its cage
because these bones contain.
Its a promise,
a romantic persuasion,
a new idea,
it excites my heart,
makes it want to join
in the happy jubilee
of the moon and its connection to me.
My heart cant fly,
if it escaped it would shatter,
its slivers scattered across the earth.
sure,
it would cause new life to grow
where the pieces had fallen
but I would be left empty,
with a broken cage,
with worn out strings,
with nothing left for me,
so ill keep it contained,
until the next moon sings,
to see what this next moon brings.
I'll keep the moons joy to me
for fear of its manipulation
of my hearts deepest persuasions.

can i feel an embrace

that doesn't crush my lungs

push against my ribs

and make me want to pull away?

a tree only stands tall

because of its roots

buried so deep

so not to fall

but i never grew or sprouted

things as such to keep

i was yanked out of place

ungrounded

again

and then again

so instead of growing roots

into the next place i land

i count on the surety of leaving

the comfort in knowing

i could discover new sand

i am a nomad

adapted to this life

in fact

addicted

i will not grow roots if i stay

i will wilt and die

like a flower in a vase.

we sat on the swing
both legs over tires edge
your arm around me
head resting on my head
you tried to kiss me
I looked away
you sighed and waited
but still my eyes refused to meet yours
your lips press to my forehead
just to the side of my ear
oh how i wish i'd have let you
kiss me my dear
you left before it was over
just said goodbye
and all i can remember
is how we sat on the swing
both legs over tires edge
your arm around me
head resting on my head.

the only thing left
of what we once were
is that that flannel you gave me
in the corner
on the floor.

I'm afraid of leaving myself alone
with me,
because i'm not afraid of death,
and my body tries to **** itself
without my mind consenting.

It's an absence of brainwaves.

absolute nothing
is scarier than pain
at least pain has a reason

but this nothing consumes
it eats me alive
lingering in my thoughts,
my words,
my actions.

it's an absence of brainwaves.
it's an absence of life.