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You know what?

I genuinely believe that I am unlovable.

Not even in the self-pitying way, I just have thought about it and I really think that no one could ever truly love me.

I have too many flaws that get in the way.

If I am imperfect then I can't be perfect enough for them

If I am perfect then I am not the quirky beautifully rare girl they want

I am too violent and weird

I am too hateful and grudging

And the worst part is

I don't even WANT to stop being violent and weird or hateful or grudging

I wish someone would love me for it

because I love those who are deadly loyal, absurd, not afraid of a little violence (not abusive, just to be clear. I do not support that) those who hate things because the more passionately they hate, the more passionately they love as well. And someone who holds a grudge actually cares about things. I would love a boy who was all those things but no guy wants a girl who can't let go of things and spends all her time muttering to herself about how worthless and ugly she is because that has become my hobby I don't even realize I am doing it sometimes.

I just don't think anyone could ever really truly fall in love with me.

That makes me kind of sad I guess... :(
I don't know, just a late-night-I-am-so-lonely-why-am-I-so-unlovable-mood.
He smirked at me, surprised by my sass, even in death.
Death wore a suit, looking every bit the striking businessman.
He held a heavy tome as he read my name, telling me it was not my time.
Leaning in the crook of his arm was the sharp scythe, glimmering faintly.
Death touched my face with his cold hands, his fingers brushing across my delicate lips, and under my chin.
He made me look into his eyes and spoke gently,
"It is not your time. I will see you again, but today is not the day."
A tear ran down my cheek and his icy fingers wiped it away.
Death leaned forward, his presence bringing cold and dread.
With his frosty lips, he tenderly kissed my forehead.
He kissed down my face, leaving a chill with each touch.
Death's mouth met mine as he breathed life back into me.
Everything went dark, and I sat up with a start, alone in my cold bed.
Does she* make you think,
Does she put you on pause?

Does she need to be saved,
Does she do the rescuing?

Does she let you in,
Does she wait open-armed?

Does she play spontaneous,
Does she function traditional?

Does she cause pointless smiles,
Does she wipe away honest tears?

Does she let you scream,
Does she bring you reality?

Does she run after you,
Does she wait patiently?

Does she help you grow,
Does she make you want to?


*Does she love you like me?
Your current girlfriend... you know, the one you picked over BOTH Mel and me...
  Nov 2014 Eliryana Rhea Tamwyn
Neath
She* was never a mistake like the others
She was the answer to all the questions my wandering mind could present
but
She never answered the question  that my heart asked
**"Could you ever love a guy like me?"
Some questions are best left unanswered.
every boy that has ever ran his fingers on my skin
crawled up from under my bed and invaded the darkness;
he pulled the blanket up over my shaking body,
and brushed his fingers through my tangled hair.

a creature of the night providing me comfort;
he laid his head on the empty side of my pillow
whispering into my hollow head,
signals which would flow through my dry veins
and start the pumping of a disintegrating heart.

his demons kept him awake at night
just as the monsters of my past have me;
his eyes were like a flashlight in the dark room,
this creature was my savior.

but morning comes and he is gone,
my troubles glisten in the sun -everyone runs.
you can't fix by morning what haunts you;
I only date monsters -they keep me company at night;
when my flaws come spilling out but not in bright light.

(NJ2014) All Rights Reserved.
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