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(n.):* the kind of bitterness plaguing your tongue no matter how you drown it in liquor
Shuffle up and get down low,
the calender says it's a different day
and a different year,
but it only ever feels like it
during the day.

Sitting here tonight, I'm typing
into a different phone,
drinking at a different bar,
but somehow it's essentially the
same night that I've been living
for ten years...maybe more.

The same words, the same feeling
of a knife in the heart, the same
Irish jigs playing through busted speakers, and what I think I'll find somewhere in the haze still eluding.

All flowing back into a night so often repeated in so many places...Virginia, Washington, Arizona, Florida, even the night in Nogales I never mention.

It all comes back to girls with razors in their purses, the boys who put them there, and the unseen hand that has pushed them all.
Where's the life
we all long to live?
Why are we all pushing
why do we take but never give?
I have no faith in my fellow man
I have no say in this butcherous land
I've nothing but shame
for where I stand
Yet, I'm no more shameless
for doing nothing but blaming.

It's so hard not to give up.
I try so hard to end up
so disgusted.
It seems a waste.
Even the trees that were felled
to make this book
they deserved this Earth
more than I.
102804~7.01p
The very definition of Cynicism. Seeing so much hatred and evilness around me, it's hard to have faith in humankind. But, what am I doing about it? Pointing a finger?
I probably watched a horrendous documentary...or the news.
Deep oceans of sadness
swelling and churning
threatening to capsize
all that I am
My throat speaks lies
I'm not ok.
The darkness looms
in the salty skies
My flesh grows weary
of holding itself together
I just need to cry
myself to sleep within
eternal blankets of darkness.
Comfort comes with sleep,
agony with waking.
I'm proud I'm not a sheep
but, just like them, I'm faking.
Mindlessness, hand in hand with joy
I feel alone, though friends abound
I need to cry, but
can't scream a sound.

Why am I like this?
Why so sad?
Why does my life feel so...
futile?
My words are slowing
my pen, failed.

My life struggles on
the front continues
my smiles have faded
into a dawnless dusk.

****.
122304~1.57p
Depression. Trying to understand why sadness envelopes everything.
The blues come marchin' in at night,
that time, when you're all alone,
and nobody can relieve you of those tears,
'cause they don't even know you're still conscious..
That feeling is always the same,
there's a name for it,
and that would be the blues,
but the blues have been used so many times..
So cry with somethin' else in mind,
although the feeling is always the same.
Spring woke up to Summer and hesitated to consider the blunder of her drunken ways

Between blurred lines of late night and early morning she found temporary home in a haze of heat

Summer's eyes had engulfed her whole being, utterly attuned she became with the motions of the oncoming season

Hungry for an enternity of warmth she ate knowingly from the apple with hope that cold rain spells and allegery eyes would become days of what had been

Beginning to acknowlede now the plight she's put herself in, her longing only growing stronger with time, she whispers a melchony sigh Summer's way

Summer's sweetness is for more than just her lips and the honey dew that drips from them in their waking slumber of late day
 Apr 2015 Elaenor Aisling
Akemi
Lily erode
Eros rapture
To dust
To dust
To dust
12:28am, April 26th 2015

Biological life exists solely to reproduce.
How many of us will die, leaving nothing behind?
Death is a slow, subtle process.
It begins with the body, and ends with the self.
After you die, you disconnect from the world.
Your ego cannot reinforce itself in the minds of others, anymore.
The complexities of your self fade. Distort.
You are reduced from human, to figure, to caricature.
Events along a timeline, to be summed as virtue, or vice.
What is the purpose of legacy, then?
Why does anyone even care?
We immerse ourselves within
simplistic sin
speak unholy rites
to worship again
Our hands clasped
and teathered tightly
we tug & tease
into our temple of flesh.
Screams and chants
fill these halls
unending confessions
scraped into the walls
coming in unison
is our communion
opening wide for our
lustful sacrament.

With prayers offered up
against our sinful second nature
our lips are parting
within salty showers
and union is torn
as our spirits rip apart.
Why, then, is this
"following our hearts?"
070904~5.52p
unable to resist the sublime pull of our bodies and hearts, we break promises to others and create worship within sin
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