Jan Reest

Jan Reest Aug 10

Grand edict of Eros,
bestowed upon a meadow
that turns into a bog
in the monsoon.

Trapping and collapsing
even the most well-armoured heart—
Heart that walks in a circle,
following the breadcrumbs that lay
on the bloodied earth,
next to the bodies and arrows.
Crumbs that lead to one
meeting themselves.

Bodies, disposable;
souls, crafted into sapience by the flesh,
clipped coins and the pittance of a care
for the wounded heart.

Only steel pierces the heart, truly—
even fish in the corals have more depth.

#life #growth #understanding #dignity #respect

Jan Reest Aug 9

Mourning a Life Unlived

My heart races when I close my eyes
and think of you.

My words stumble on their way to my lips
when I see you.
My tongue twists when I try to voice
how I feel.

You’re the cause of my sleepless nights,
my daydreams,
and my misery.

You say you don’t like how your cheeks
are a little chubby—
or that your arms
are a little full.

All I see when I look at you—
is someone I crave to hold.

I want to hold you as tight as can be.
I want to hold onto you for dear life,
and never let go.

I want to choke on the smell of your hair.
Your neck looks so empty
without my lips on them.
Your ******* look so lonely
without my face between them.
I want to feel your skin on mine.

I am dying for your warmth—
but all you’ve made me feel is the cold.

I’m so empty without you.
Irrationality has taken over me—
delusion is my master,
and deceit is my cure.

Why won’t you rest my heart?
Why won’t you say
that you love me—
or you hate me?

Why have you left me in the dark?
Why are you so cruel?

I mourn you when you’re still alive.
I lament your absence—
knowing it can be unmade.

I crave your love—
knowing how impossible it is.

#love #loss #heartbreak #sad #life #loneliness

Jan Reest Aug 9

Blizzard

I held out my hand—
into the abyss.
You reached me through—
all the devastation that lay.
You reached me through—
all the barriers in my heart.
I've held you once,
vowing to never let go.
I've looked into your eyes,
and did not see deceit.
I've looked into your soul,
and did not see lies.
I've looked into your heart,
and seen my visage.

I held your hand,
but you were cold to the touch.
You did not return the warmth
I bestowed upon you.

I sat by your hearth,
listening to the embers crackle.
I felt your heart—
wanting to desire.
But your wants remained,
buried in an unmarked grave—
away from my gaze.

And thus, I remain without your warmth.

I coil into myself,
so I can wither this blizzard.
I look into myself,
so I can answer all these desperate questions.
Why have you abandoned me?

#love #loss #sad #heartbreak #life #loneliness

Jan Reest Aug 8

The Residue of You

Thread drowning in wax—
you’re so close, and yet so far.
Fire melts the wax and burns the thread;
you’re so far, and going even further away.

You’re gone.

The wax that remains after the last
embers of the fire have extinguished
lays on my fingertips,
where I once held you dearly.

The warm wax—your warm skin.
My burnt skin reminds me
of the hurt you’ve caused;
my burnt skin
reminds me of the devastation
you’ve laid in your wake.

#love #loss #heartbreak #sad #life

Jan Reest Aug 8

Unmade

Lion untamed,
life unmade,
master of beasts,
master of man.

Hand and whip,
fangs and claws,
uniforms and boots,
rifles with bayonets.

Life undone,
life unmade—
who shall answer for all this shame?

Life slips this firm grip,
the grip of a master;
life slips obedience,
obedience to a master.

#life #death #war #tragedy #sad

Jan Reest Aug 7

Fade Into You

You have a hole in your *****—
one that I used to occupy.
Now you’ve evicted me from your heart.

Aren’t you empty?
How can you remain whole?

Your absence has devastated my heart,
skewered it, and scattered it
across all the realms
where I couldn’t reach to retrieve them,
even if I wished it so.

It’s sickening to be without you,
and yet, you remain without me.

Was I not worthy of your affection?
All I ever wanted
was to pierce your skin with mine.

You were the ember to my forest—
now you’ve burned me down.

#love #loss #life #heartbreak #sad

Jan Reest Aug 7

Tides

The flower that blooms before it buds,
the fruit that rots before it ripens,
the heart that loves before it desires,
the soul that starves before an appetite,

the bottle that empties without sorrow,
the sun that rises without cause,
the tide that crashes without reason,
the eyes that see without judgment,

the hands that touch without fear.

#love #life #sad #heartbreak #adulthood