A soldier called to the front lines
Fighting an uninvited battle
With another enemy
The war continues but a heart
Remembers the journey's way

After all has happened
When we see the evil that man can do
I'll still be patrolling these trenches
Searching for who I used to be

Barely holding to what sanity remains
The thought of you is my only constant
I imagine beyond this hell
Praying it won't last forever
And when they give me leave
I'll mortar all my broken stones
And lay them on the path
That leads me home to you.

I struggle daily
The cost clearly
Someone's else's tragedy in your eyes
There's no compassion in your guise
When it gets bad as it could ever get
You want to know when I'll get over it
A once broken victim-blamed
My heart's just marked, not maimed
The sound of disgust goes unspoken
Just know that I'm bent, not broken
My body was bruised
Another man's abuse
Although your disgust isn't fists
The stigma is still a direct hit
I'm strong enough
To know you aren't love
No longer helpless and I won't play
No matter what I won't stay
Looking back I've come too far
No longer wounded, I carry warrior's scars.

♥
              Kaleidoscope

Prism's from God's chandelier
Form in the atmosphere
Spectrums that float into view
Offering each and every hue
The center that makes you whole
Revealing the patterns of your soul
Permitting His light to shine through
The kaleidoscope of you
                 Dj

I'm a puppet in your theater
You pull my strings for pleasure
So I dance to your command
And twist with each demand
Sometimes I think it a jest to see
That I am you and you thus me
For after the curtain falls
While the crowd's applause
Is it clear, can they decipher
The puppet from the master?
                 Dj

If love is unseen
Unseen and thus never valued
Valued like a fault instead
Instead of the treasure
Treasured measured measured soul
Soul for a mate to wrap around arms
Arms that entangle even the heart
Heart that beats true for the other
Other dreams that matter
Matter to the universe
Universe where only love
Love builds trust
Trust begins within
Within the sanctity
Sanctity where forever holds
Holds tight to each
Each promise
Promise when we speak
Speak in  whisper
Whisper to a true heart.

A loving heart
Knows from the start
A cage can not hold
Or shackle the soul
Even when broken
Or left to abandon
A heart
Torn apart
Regardless of mistakes
Or whatever it takes
Must remain
Unchained
For there's nothing truly worse
Then a heart afraid to hurt.
Dj

There are people like you
That pretends to be true
One glance in their eyes is all it takes
To know they are a huge mistake
Even though they try to hide
You see the truth of their lies
The spiteful rage of their commands
Should you not meet just one demand
Using you until they're through
Oh yes, I've known people like you
Dj

Do what you dare
Tangle my hair
Hold me to the floor
Love me like before
Kiss my lips
Tender nips
Wrap yourself around
Hear how love sounds
Caressing my soul
Making me whole
You said not a word
My heart you heard
Dj

What are a few tears
If it absolves his fears
Even as my heart breaks
If that's what it takes
I will crush all my feelings
And pray he starts healing
I'll try with all my might
To lift him from the night
So he can begin
To try again
To give his love free
Even if it's not me.
Dj

A grand invitation in words of gold
A facade for the young and the old
Behind a mask of disguise
Hidden behind pretty lies
At a dance of illusion
Among the confusion
In black tuxes and grand gowns
With deceit, all abound
We swear to the other
To be the other's lover
Is it the truth or pretend
It will be known in the end
For as the moonlight fades
So does the masquerade.

Sisters three and Me

Just young girls
In this world
Sisters three
And me

Beaten and abused
Poor and confused
Sisters three
And me

Father and mother
Fought  each other
In early hours
Four girls cowered
Sisters three
And me

Dad's tattooed hands
One named love
One named hate

Angry fists of pain
Always swung our way
Praying in all his rage
Wouldn't beat us with hate
Sisters three
And me

Love was not offered
Hate never faltered
Through a drunk haze
He spent in a rage
Somehow we survived
And came out alive
Sisters three
And me

In time Dad died
Now we must try
To leave the weight there
It's hates load to bear
Sisters three
And me.
Dj

There’s a small square box
I keep keys from locks
From out of my past
Where things didn’t last
They fit a locked door
That I opened before.
Each one there within
Lying dormant in tin
Keeps a life and a love
I’m no longer part of
So as I glance inside my past life's portal
With my mortal soul, I become immortal.
Dj

Feel the touch of your hand on my skin
Gently and lovingly pulling me in
Caress the side of my neck with your lips
Explore every curve with your fingertips
Letting go of the fear
Just the two of us here
Limbs entwined
Both souls align
Crossing paths
Feelings last
Match each other touch for touch
Meet each other ****** for ******
Not just once but again and again
Forever and always and then
Lift me up into bliss
Catch my breath with a kiss
As I Gasp
Dj

Where do you start
To mend a heart
How about tape
In every place
Maybe with glue
If that doesn’t do
Sew it with thread
Maybe instead
Don’t break it, to begin with
Dj

On a blank page jot with a pen
Write me a soft touch on my skin
Intoxicate me with steamy words
Write me a kiss into every verse
Ignite my desires and excite my senses
Write me an embrace with each sentence
Touch me like a longtime lover
Write me pleasure on the cover
Like a journal or a book
Write me passion with a look
Hold me close and touch my heart
Write me ecstasy like fine art
Caress me to the core
Write me love forevermore.
Dj

This problem has gone on so long
We always reach the same old sum
Multiplied by failure to learn
Divided by unconcern
Numbers that hide
Carried by lies
Uncertain equations
In each situation
You never seem to factor in
An answer where you don't win
Add only yourself  
Like every time else
To sum up the fee
Just subtract me
Dj

The Beast

I shelter the beast inside
Barely contained where it hides
It prowls on  chaos and pain
Where no love remains
It’s never far
Knows every scar
Wants out in every way
Vows to make them pay
It growls and breaks free
This beast inside of me
I fight for control
Cry from my soul
Broken in two
I’m the beast too
But wait
Not too late
There’s someone strong
I’ve known all along
Standing calmly in the shadows
Waiting for me to see what matters
Assuring me who I am is fine
Keeping me from losing my mind
Encouraging me
To look and see
A beast will consume what you will allow
Let go of hate and embrace love somehow

To say the least

Hate can free the beast…Or love can tame the beast

I choose to love.
Dj

I run from love as soon as it seems real
Afraid to commit to what I might feel
So I lied
To myself
And I hide
From myself
I don’t dare to see
Or even believe
I am worthy of love
Or deserve to be loved
Used to the pain
That always came
When I stopped to trust
And love was just lust
Perhaps there is more
Someone to stop for
To commit
To submit
Allow someone in and just maybe then
Suppose I stop running, and begin again
Dj

Pent up with rage
Kept in a cage
Shouts of insanity
Screams of ecstasy
At one with the beast
To keep safe on a leash
For a command
Or a demand
Permission
Submission
Allow just so much
Of a need or a touch
Pulling me out and then in
Showing me bliss and then sin
Beckoning me to stay
Then pushing me away
Binding me with my desire
Igniting me with your fire
Burn
Yearn
Every secret freed
Drop me to my knees
Force it all
Against the wall
Tell me no and instead
Order me to wait in bed
Touch as light as a feather
Then tug against the leather
Left alone
On my own
Quiver
Shiver
Built-up aggression
Grant satisfaction
Made just for you
Touched only by you.
Dj

Whispered  promises in the night
Shout the truth with morns first light
Changed myself so many times
Overlooked so many crimes
Reflecting back, I clearly see
How lost I was inside of me
So I fed
And mislead
The beast within
That knows my sins
I unleashed without care
These scars I now bare
A curse
Made worse
Believing you
Told the truth
Dj

I fought for love and gave it all
Tiny pieces of my soul withdraw
My body trembles
My mind remembers
Promises spoken
Each one broken
Among failed campaigns
Where no love remains
Wounded and marred
Battered and scarred
Fragments
Segments
Battlegrounds
Pain abound
From fighting the other
And hurting a lover
Admitting defeat
Destruction complete
Vigilant defender
Total surrender
Time to heal
Time to feel
Begin
Again
And then
With all my might
I’ll stand and fight
Protect from start
My war-torn heart
Ignore my pride
Choose a side
Enlist                    
And with
Blood pulsing inside of me
Offer then what’s left of me
Dj

I am the shadow to your light
You are my beacon in the night
You dare into the periphery
Sheltering me from misery
From all the world's pain
Where just hope remains
You lead when I'm unsure what to do
I take the lead when you need me too
Be it a dance
In the rain
For a chance
To laugh again
Where sometimes we stumble
As we jump through life's puddles
Always be there when I get it wrong
Assure me often that I'm not alone
Our love is strong
We'll get along
Throughout
Don't doubt
Guard me with all your might
Be there when I get it right.
Dj

When you're out on a ledge
And you come to the edge
A distance like this
You just can't resist
Breathe into the wind
Step forward and then
Fly or Fall
and
Give it Your All.
Dj

Most times I can't bare you to see
The dark that lurks inside of me                    
No doubt you guide me to the light
Assuring me that love's alright
To dare
To Share
To feel the warmth upon
My skin
Within
Your arms where I belong
A kiss so pure
I can't ignore
Salvation
Everlasting
Out of the shadows
Free of the shackles
Unafraid I will stand
Reclaim my heart and
Against fear
With you near
Control the weakness
Defeat the bleakness
I'll find the courage I'll be free
As the dawn breaks inside of me.
Dj