I held on for so long,
Letting myself be bruised and cut.
Broken and left to myself, which was the best decision you made for me.
Which choosing what I do is what you did best.

I cannot tell you that I never loved you or prove my lie when I say I don’t care.
Truth be told, you were everything and so much more than I can express.

You were the second person I fell in love with. My whole soul felt at peace once again, attempting to regain what I could get back.
The love I gave was unexpected to say the least.

Since leaving though.
I can’t help but feel the weight off my chest.
Knowing I did my best to tell you what I needed.
And you wanted to keep hurting me..

Regardless of it being intentional or not,
You couldn’t catch yourself while saying it.
And I had to let you go.

Your intentions were like cold ice,
Except with a burning sensation going down my body.
A virus continuously attacking my soul, only to feed yours.

Sweet whispers of lies and broken promises.
The one manipulating was you and you forced your problems onto me.
Attacking my very life.

You never cared and I should’ve seen it coming.
Now I see you. What you truly are.
A monster.
Un diablo.

You’ll get what you deserve and I can’t wait to watch as you fall.
Thinking you’re a saint when in reality you are an archangel.
One of the fallen.

Cycles
You complain,
You are given advice,
And yet still complaining.

Rather than leaving it be,
Changing for yourself.
You stay around them.
All of the toxic chemicals circles you.

And you let it.
So I must sit by and watch you crumble.
Giving you lying praise.
That’s what you want.

You shown no different.

Boundaries are set.
Talks are shorter.
And I give certain people my attention.

The focus on me is surreal.
The want to be better.
Goals are finalized,
My spirit rises.

I won’t be stuck.
I watered the grass I walk on,
It’s only a matter of time till it turns green.

My heart is tight.
Chest tight
And I sit alone on these steps.
You’re leaving me alone again.

Is this payback?
My punishment?
I don’t know what to think anymore,
All I know is that I’m still getting hurt.

I’m use to it though.
So it’s okay.

One day it’ll be different.
One day I’ll stop pushing people away.
It won’t come soon, as hard as I try.

Stuck and lost.
Same routine.
A **** starter.